mommy feeling neglected?

[Thequeen]

Hey everyone, i know this is long but please i would really love to talk to someone...

 

So on June 4th my little and I were finally reunited after almost three years of having to do a long distance relationship. On June 22nd him and I left California together and started our month long trip moving across the country to Boston. The whole way I tried to spoil him and treat him like a king and half way through he realized he wasnt being fair to me so he started trying to be better to me. I mean I dont want to say he is a bad little by any extent but I spent all of my life savings since then on him so three months? I know part of it was on me but still and I mean its not even that I dont want to spend my money on him because I do I just, you know, didnt want it to be literally everything I had... 

 

Hes super loving and sweet and now that we have settles down in New England he always walks to my work at night so we can walk home together but like I'm constantly giving him love and attention and spoiling him and its not that i want those same things back. But like I read all those memes on the internet about DDLG and the little always is more, I dont even know the word, but like showing of their love and obsession of their dom maybe? Because my little will say it and have moments of cuteness but he wont ever like run to me when I walk in the door or when we start to have a fight because I am just exhausted or tired from everything I do he wont just come over and hug me. Or when I am stressing over the finances, he wont do that whole draw me a picture to distract me or give me one of his stuffies. Or Ive been super sick lately he hasnt picked up any of the slack I still have to do everything.

 

I get it hes the little but I feel like something is just wrong because I just dont really feel it anymore, what is the it you might ask? I dont even know Im sorry im just loosing my drive honestly. And you know what sucks is this whole rant was ignited because of a stupid TV show. Two days ago we started watching our favorite show together, Once Upon a Time, but he got too restless to finish it so I turned it off reluctantly and he said we would watch it tomorrow. The next day rolls around and I stupidly assumed we would watch it in the room which he replied with "I promise we will watch it after work" so I got to work and I am super excited to cuddle with him and watch this dumb show. I was late to get out but when I finally got back to my phone he was flipping out trying to make sure I was okay and it got me so happy and i walked out and we talked while walking home, he had dinner waiting on the stove for us (he asked our roommate to help him which was absolutely adorable) and we ate and I kept waiting for him to mention but then he just said "mommy I'm sleepy bedtime" and i wanted to believe so badly he was just trying to get me into bed so we could watch, but sadly i know him to well, he had forgotten his promise. I brought it up asking nicely and he just said "oh right I forgot but im really tired and need to sleep for my well being and health" and what is a dom supposed to say to that? no forget about your health?I dont think that would go over too well. he could tell i was upset instantly and asked "what is the show more important than me?" I felt so hurt and confused cause I wanted to say yes but its not even that the show is more important i dont think cause but im scared that it is otherwise why would I have gotten so upset right? So i sent him to bed without me because i was just too sad and hurt as stupid as it might sound... 

 

And I know other things have been bothering me a lot lately. Like when I entered into this relationship I knew he was ADHD so I have like a list of things to do to ensure he does his best but like if I forget one or run out of time he uses it as an excuse as to why hes not doing better with me like my person pet peeve, "You have to ask me about my day everyday so that I know to ask you about yours"??? Like really is it just me or is that complete bs and completely unfair and not accounting for my needs??? or even when I didnt have my list I have set and stone at this point he would always just say "Im sorry Im just having trouble concentrating" Or with homework he takes longer and I am a talkative person so Ill have us talk while working then when we stay up later to finish everything he snaps at me saying its my fault i wanted to talk so much. or when having fun watching tv I like to discuss what we are watching and pause the show and after a bit but no too long he will say that he cant sit still any longer and needs to go do stuff when I was enjoying myself so much watching and Ill bring up how he promised to make it through two episodes with me and he will say that its been the time length of two episodes but you kept pausing it. and those all just hurt so bad and honestly make me feel pretty darn worthless to him as well as just like the universe... that i cant even watch my show, i cant even talk to my sub for however long i want, that i cant just be asked about my day by the person i want to tell it to most...

 

So can anyone help me somehow? I dont know how or what help Im looking for honestly... maybe an answer to if any other doms feel this way? or am I just like not meant to be a mommy or a dom? Am i expecting to much of him? Do I actually love the show more than him or was it something else? I feel like such a horrible person for even asking, Im just somehow hoping everyone outside of the situation can see something Im not that would redeem me as a mommy dom somehow... 

 

maybe im just being stupid... but as i sat here typing this i started crying so i know im feeling all this and its hurting me so badly but maybe im somehow truly am the one to blame, maybe signing up to be a mommy dom meant this all along and i never knew... but then again maybe im just wanting some attention... but i know my entire life i didnt get much of that so maybe i just always expected too much attention... yea maybe thats it...

 

sorry for bumming anyone out or anything... 

[A Cuddly Dom]

No, not at all. I don't think you are being over demanding at all. You just want the love and acknowledgement of your little, and that's normal. Just as I am, goddess, I love my little baby's proclamations of love. Just as much as I love to worship her upon the altar of Venus. I can also say this, I am in tune with my little boy self, and he loves strong, loving women. I cant imagine why your little prince wouldn't greet you at the door with a whopping hug and kiss. I know my little boy/subby side, and he's always trying to please his Mommy, that's Lilith in my heart.

 

This might actually start a different discussion down the road, but I want you to know, youre not wrong for wanting more.

[~Lost_Little_Searching~]

I'm sorry you're having such trouble!!! Although I can't give as much insight as others on the forum can, I can give you my two cents. From what I've read, communicating your thoughts and feelings to him might aid in the healing process. Set aside a time for both of you to come out of your set roles and talk to each other as adults. I think you're a great Mommy Dom. The adjustment from a LDR to real life is sometimes challenging, and all the issues that arise from adjusting to someone else in a new place are very real. Talking with that person, and maybe changing rules/expectations while you are learning about each other might help as you transition. After you are more comfortable with one another, and have learned more about each other, you can address the rules/expectations you had to put on hold.

I hope this made sense, and I'm sorry if I wasn't a great help. I wish both of you luck! <3

[Username01]

From what you said I feel your relationship is unbalanced. Tilted toward your partner, perhaps heavily.

You don't need to feel guilty for recognizing this. Just find ways to create balance. Your allowed to have needs.

[WarDaddy]

Hi! Sorry to hear about you feeling bad, but you're not doing anything bad, believe me. You are a wonderful person and Mommy and there are a lot of little ones who would love to have a Caregiver like you are. Don't quit on being a Mommy, you're doing an exquisite job!

 

You're trying really hard to please your little, but as you said , you're not getting much in return. Or should I say, you're not getting anything in return.

It is important that you both talk about this, maybe set some new rules about your little's duties. Don't be afraid to show your harsher side, let him know that you love him, but that he can't play with your feelings. Caregivers have feelings as well, and they are not to be taken for granted.

 

The best way to resolve this situation is that you both take some time and discuss it. Don't hold back your feelings and thoughts, let them out and tell him what you think.

 

I hope this will help you feel any better and please report back what happened.

 

Good luck!

[Thequeen]

I guess Im just really nervous to sit him down and talk about it because he always gets so offended and starts listing off ways I have failed as a mommy and ways he wants me to do better in. I know I need to hear those kinds of things otherwise I will never improve but he always does it when I start talking about the things i need or want him to change. So I end up getting upset cause he never really says them nicely more like snaps and starts crying about them so it usually leads to a big old fight then we both just cant even stand each other and like ignore each other for probably an hour? then one of us will go check on the other someone says sorry then I end up not talking anymore about my needs and wants and instead keep reassuring him i am going to change what Im doing so he doesnt feel hurt in those ways anymore. So i guess Id say talking is a slippery slope for us...

[DollDirector]

After some hesitation because I don't like the idea of slapping definite answers onto someone's life after reading one thread on a forum,I will just say that it strikes me you need intervention by a third person. "Funny" how your situation sounds like the difficulties of a single mother.

[Princess-P]

Everything about this is wrong. Its sounds like your little has forgotten that he's an adult and in an adult relationship.

 

You have every right to expect things from your partner, especially when all your asking is that he shows you some care and appreation.

 

I don't think it was anything to do about the show, your probably just overwhelmed and stressed. And I don't blame ya. I couldn't imagine having to foot all the responsibility and the finances and then having someone be that needy and thoughtless. My 5 year old shows more appreation than your adult partner.

 

Talk to him. Tell him he needs to act like an adult for this discussion. Tell him exactly how you feel and what you expect to have him change. If you don't do this now it won't change on its own. He's just going to keep draining you.

[Princess-P]

And after reading your reply about him acting out when you try to talk to him and telling you how your failing.... That's manipulative. He's making you feel bad on purpose to draw attention away from himself. That's really not healthy and borders on abuse.

[Thequeen]

Yea I'll try having this serious discussion thank you everyone for all the advice and thoughts

[Dragon Child]

People who hate dd/lg are just ignorant, that's all. We all have our way of life <3

[Naughty Daddy]

Something I've learned about the Cg/l dynamic is that it is easy for one of the parties to take advantage of the situation. It's a bit more obvious how a caregiver or Dom can take advantage of an overzealous little/sub who just wants to please. But I think Littles more so than submissives have a certain kind of power over their Cg. In a way the little is actually the dominant one, in that a Cg gives so much to them in their everyday life (I'm speaking from my personal experience only). As a Cg and Daddy and as a function of my own personality I have a tendency to give much more to my little/romantic partner than I expect in return. If you are at all like that as well, then it would be very easy for someone to take advantage of the situation. I'm not saying that's what your little boy is doing its just something as a "Big" to be aware of. I think open and honest communication is always te order of the day in any kind of relationship. It's okay to have expectations of your partner and for them to have them of you. And when someone's needs aren't being met you should take a time out and discuss it in a mature fashion. We don't always do that I our relationship so I know it's not always easy to do. But it's a good way to try to approach it. Wishing you the best!

[Thequeen]

Thank you everyone all this helps so much and I loved hearing everyone's advice. We did talk it over and it's been going all smoothe again. It seems like he was just really stressed with work and school since both started only within the past week so I set up some new rules and such to help him keep his schoolwork and work work in line so that this won't happen again and now he's being his old loving self again <3