Rules for Daddy?

[marlasinger]

Hi, I am very new here and fairly new to the ddlg dynamic, my girlfriend and I decided to get into it a decent while ago now but I have always been bad at enforcing rules. I don't have a naturally dominant personality but am trying to work on it for her because it makes her happy, and I love seeing my love in little space so I figure it fits for me to be a daddy, and to try get better at making decisions and enforcing rules and stuff. We don't have many rules, the ones that are there are around bedtime and study (no studying after 9pm, bedtime at 11), and even though most of the time i do these with her she has said she resents having rules because I don't have any. I can definitely stop studying at night, I have been doing that anyway so she doesn't feel bad for stopping, but the idea of having rules around other stuff makes me quite uncomfortable. I feel like I'm on the wrong side of the dynamic to have a list of rules to follow. And i am a night person, I don't want a bedtime. Maybe i'm wrong and i just need to suck it up? It works better when we are in the same house, where I can put study things away for her and we go to bed together (I can sleep pretty early with her), but we live apart so it's hard. 

Any advice/tips/anything is appreciated.

[LoralieHaze]

First of all, it sounds contrary that she wants you to be more dominant but also resents having rules. Unless, she doesn't actually want you to be more dominant because she doesn't understand that CG/L is inherently a BDSM relationship. 

 

If she resents having rules for any reason, then she shouldn't have them. Not every little has to have rules. It's a mutual choice between a caregiver and their little. And sure, you could have rules too if you wanted them, but it doesn't seem like you do.

 

In my opinion, the fact that she thinks you should have rules too shows a lack of understanding about how CG/L-related dominance works. Part of the purpose of having rules is so that you, as the Dom, can exert a certain amount of power over your sub while she, as the sub, can receive a certain amount of satisfaction from obeying her Dom. The other purpose of having rules is to show how much you care about what's best for her, ie going to bed a certain time so that she gets enough rest, which sounds like something you don't need.

 

Are you sure she's a little and not a switch, by the way?

 

TL;DR: You are on the wrong side of the dynamic to have rules and you shouldn't have to suck it up. It sounds like she's using this as an excuse to not have rules, and in that case, I say get rid of them.

Edited September 6, 2016 by LittleKittenLo

[Guest Littlepup]

I agree with Little Kitten

Although it is difficult to pin point the reasoning behind your girlfriends thoughts

you'll have to ask for a grown up conversation about this relationship and figure out where the misunderstanding is.

 

I am naturally submissive, that is not to say I submit to everyone, but that I feel safe and most content when I am in a submissive position. A lot of things can screw with that though, including a partner that is not dominant enough or doesn't give me enough love and attention, or I don't connect with them enough through little activities, or that I don't respect and adore with all my heart. Therefore a lot of things could be messing with you're girlfriends ability to be submissive. She could be fighting against being submissive, or not feel safe enough to submit or she could just not be naturally submissive or she could be a switch. 

 

Anyway, try talking to her about what she wants each of your roles to be in the relationship and if she doesn't want to be submissive, that is perfectly fine, but she will need to understand herself more to figure out what she really wants. 

I hope things work out for y'all

[HeCallsMePrincess]

if I gave Daddy a bedtime he'd laugh and put me to bed early just because of that. it doesn't seem like she honestly knows what she wants. I don't think she understands the DDlg dynamic at all.

[EmeraldFaye]

Just a thought-

 

Does she maybe mean "rules" in a way where she actually means "things she needs you to do to help her feel more little/secure"?

 

I have once been asked and encouraged to make a list of rules for Daddy...

 

Things like:

-Daddy will check in on his lunch break, via text or phone call.

-Daddy will never leave without giving snuggles first, and designating an estimated time to return (and if that time changes will let me know ASAP).

-Daddy will never put me in time out alone. Time outs will be allowed to occur in the corner of whatever room he is in. (I panic when already in a bad state and then forced alone)

 

I very much encourage a "big" conversation. Or if she is unable to express these things to you, write down your questions and give them to her as an assignment to try and learn more about what she needs/wants and write down her answers for you.

[Thequeen]

I would say to ask her if she really thinks shes a little or not. I have to agree with LittleKitten in that maybe she is a switch or even more extreme maybe a dom. Also, You mentioned you be here daddy for her pleasure and your not naturally dominant in personality. So I am extremely concerned about you. Are you wanting to be a daddy or a dom or anything of that sort??? Because you should never, and i do mean NEVER do this just to please someone else!! That is horrible if you are doing that and you need to talk to her immediately about this!! So Please please please please do yourself, your little, and everyonr else that knows or cares for you or just the other random inhabitants of earth find out if you are a dom or not!! Like oh my goodness I dont get how no one else has asked about this!! please do some deep thinking are you a dom or not??? Do not lie to yourself!

 

If you need help talking things through, thinking, a friend to talk to, or anything at all please add me as a friend and message me! I more than happy to talk to anyone and everyone!

-TheQueen

[TakenDaddy]

I have a baby girl who loves her rules, she needs the structure and follows them to a T. 

I do not have any rules for myself. How ever I respect her wishes about certain things. I am not a hypocrite, and I won't enforce certain rules that would make me be hypocrite. For instance, I would not tell my little one to quit smoking, and continue to smoke. 

If she wants rules then she is going to have rules, and its your job to enforce them. My little one goes to bed when I tell her to, regardless if I stay or up not and I do not feel bad. Her only request is that I try to get a decent amount of sleep..


Another thing that is important to note is that if you are not a dominate person, you cannot be forced to be one, and you will not create one within yourself. I would suggest, just staying away from it, and just using little space, and little time for other activities that you can both enjoy. Like coloring with her, cuddling and watching cartoons. Maybe you just shouldn't be enforcing rules, specially if you are not going to enforce them with out question. I feel like it could make things more difficult for your relationship in a whole. 

Good luck, and if you need any advice, please feel free to message me.