New to this advice please

[Kittykat123]

I have always acted like a child and friends told me I was a lil which I agreed and now I have a daddy that insisted I should be his but he doesn't make rules for me and he's always getting mad at me for stuff I don't know that I'm not ment to do and all he does is yell.is this how daddies are ment to be or is he not really a daddy?

[Guest Prat]

That's not a good Daddy you've found there. You can talk to littles on the chat here and exchange experiences to figure it out and my tumblr is also available, I have a lot of information for beginners up there.

[LoralieHaze]

1. Just because you act like a child, that doesn't automatically mean you're a little.

Just because someone insists that you be in a relationship with them, that doesn't mean that you have to.

It's clear to me that you have a lot of research to do about DDlg. 

If any part of you thinks that this is how daddies are meant to be, then you're not prepared for this, or probably any relationship yet.

Please dump this guy ASAP.

[annemarie]

i just came to second what littlekittenlo said.

[Guest Mr.Cuddles]

he isnt really a dady if he is just yelling? jesus man-----make some sense, hes meant to treat you with kindess and give you rules and help you obey them

[Guest Mr.Cuddles]

Oh little kitten^^^ literally!

[Kittykat123]

Thank you everyone and just so you know I have done a lot of research and iv known I'm a lil since I was 16 but I waited till I was 18 now to get into having a daddy and everything

[Kittykat123]

Also I didn't think he was a daddy but I guess I was just desperate for a daddy I'm sorry if I seem not ready for ddlg I know I have a lot to learn still but give me a break please if never had a daddy before and he started out acting like one till a few days ago

[LoralieHaze]

Also I didn't think he was a daddy but I guess I was just desperate for a daddy I'm sorry if I seem not ready for ddlg I know I have a lot to learn still but give me a break please if never had a daddy before and he started out acting like one till a few days ago

 

I'm sorry. Reading it back, I did come off rude. I tend to tell people what I think they need to hear, in a brutally honest way, even if they don't want to hear it. I think tons of us on this site have been in the situation where our first daddy is just a huge jerk. It certainly happened to me. That's how I know that you have more to learn, because if I had done more research, I would have known right away that the huge jerk I was involved with was an awful daddy who knew next to nothing about DDlg. I wish someone would have told me then what I'm telling you now.

[Kittykat123]

Thank you littlekitten for being truthful maybe we can be friends

[BabyGirl32015]

After reading the whole thread, I can relate to your Daddy Dom issue. 

 

What I'm seeing is that your Daddy Dom (if he can even be called that) doesn't really know what he's doing. Demanding that you be in a relationship DDLG or otherwise? Not a good sign. The yelling isn't okay in ANY relationship, it's called verbal abuse and you don't have to tolerate it EVER. I understand the desperation in wanting a Daddy as a Little, especially if you are new to the community. Everyone wants to feel loved and cared for, but rushing into things blindly can end you up in an abusive situation. I tried this a few years ago myself, running into the arms of the nearest guy that would take me. It ended horribly to say the least, everything started out fine, but the verbal and sexual abuse became to much. I stuck with it FOR A YEAR because I just wanted to be loved. DON"T DO THAT! It hurts and is scary and you always feel like you have no one to turn to. My advice? First talk to your Daddy Dom about the yelling, see if he can work on cooling his jets, research the DDLG community a bit more, and RULES. Talk to your Daddy Dom about rules and then write them out and hang them somewhere where you can both see them all the time. It will help with the outbursts and the frustration. I'm not sure how long you have been in this relationship but I can tell you as soon as you fix it or leave you WILL feel better.

 

Don't let and abuser control you, either fix it, get counseling, or pack your things and get the hell out of there.  

[Guest ZenDD]

Thank you everyone and just so you know I have done a lot of research and iv known I'm a lil since I was 16 but I waited till I was 18 now to get into having a daddy and everything

 

There are no hard and fast rules, and i hope this doesn't come across as condescending, but I think this is very important to state:

 

Littles are ADULTS, who feel a need to nurture and connect with child-like psychological qualities such as innocence, playfulness, and curiosity, and to explore the contrast and balance of fear/fearlessness, and willingness to please/rebelliousness. A 16 year old cannot be a little, because they are not an adult. A 16 year old doesn't explore child-like psychological concepts because a 16 year old is an ACTUAL CHILD. Little's have generally had to spend some amount of time dealing with adult responsibilities, concepts, thought-processes, and experiences, so as to feel the need to stay connected or reconnect with their inner-child psychology. I think this is a very important distinction to make.

 

Being a little isn't about liking toys, it's about psychology. The toys, stuffies, paci's, and pigtails are tools with which to engage the child-like psychology within the adult mind. 

 

Indeed, there are exceptions to every rule, and determining adulthood with a number is only valid in society because a line has to be drawn somewhere in order to attempt to keep minors/children safe from what are considered by said-society to be adult environments and dangers. So while it could be argued that someone 16 could possibly be mature enough to make consensual decisions as an aware adult, it is extremely unlikely. Emerging science concerning brain development indicates that one's brain doesn't really stop maturing until about the age of 25. In other words, it could actually be argued that not even an 18 year old is far-removed enough from actual child psychology to "return" to it as a little. To be clear, this doesn't mean one cannot be a little until they're 25. The point is that one has to have lived psychologically as an adult for some time before "becoming" a little or a Daddy, at whatever age that "true" adulthood may have started. 

 

And quite simply, Daddies, therefore, have to be mature enough to have this complete understanding about littles in order to actually be a Daddy. And it's important to note, that even if a Daddy has this understanding, it doesn't automatically make him a good one. It does, however, offer him that potential. Being a good Daddy has to do with understanding the specific psychology of his little, and the unique implementation and action required to cultivate and encourage his little positively.

Edited September 4, 2016 by ZenDD

[Princess-P]

No relationship should be forced. Little or not your an adult, why would any adult tolerate someone demanding things and yelling? That person sounds like a child to me.

 

Again, no 16 year old can identify as a little... Because that's an adult title. For adults. Being childish doesn't make you a little. All the superficial stuff doesn't make you a little. Barbie's, stuffies, coluring... All things that don't make you a little. At all. Sure littles may or may not enjoy those things... But that's not why they are little.

 

I say that if your unsure if someone yelling at you is acceptable then your shouldn't be looking for ANY sort of relationship.

 

Take time to mature, learn more about yourself. Maybe your a little, maybe your not and are just still into some kid stuff. But regardless don't let any person ever take advantage of you no matter what self proclaimed title they may have.

 

Littleness is a feeling, an inherent personality trait, something that no one can possibly define because for each person it has an individual meaning. The superficial cookie cutter crap doesn't matter at all.

[WonderheartBear713]

It is very easy to get suckered in by the first person you meet in the lifestyle. I actually moved all the way from Alabama to Indiana to be a "child" in a lifestyle family with a sister mom and dad. It was great at first but then all of the relationships except for mine and my sisters began to unravel. The parents became verbally abusive to each other and to us. I just kept telling myself the good was worth the bad. I wrong though.

 

As far as having to be older to be a little. I've always been a little even before I knew what a little was. I've just had mine locked away for protection. I have PTSD so for me it's not always age play. It's age regression as well depending on if I trust the person/people I'm with. I just use ageplay as a trigger to let my little know it's safe to come out. I actually wrote that poem I shared on here though when I was only 21.

[WonderheartBear713]

I hit post by accident before saying this. My point is: I understand your frustration, but please learn from mine and others mistakes and be safe. Make the right choice here. Neither you or anybody else deserves to be abused verbally or any other way.