Not sure what to do...

[LittleBadg3r]

So i'm a little and i don't quite know what to do anymore. First let me explain that i'm a pansexual and  in the process of changing from a male to female. So that and all its stress and worries recently have not helped the situation but it isn't just that. I'm with a daddy/mummy that switches from either one day to day depending on how girly or masculine they feel. I've done my best to make them feel comfortable about them being able to do that but apparently I don't do enough and I always make them feel like a daddy when I fully go little. No matter what i've tried I can't seem to do enough and im failing. I feel awful about it but then there were 2 events that made me think that I should just be done with this person even though we have been together for almost 2yrs(in 3 months! so close) and I love them veeeerrrryyyyy much.  

 

First event happened when we went to the state fair and it was an ok day. I never got to be in little space because there were so many ppl it made me nervous but then at the end of the day when the sun was setting and it was getting dark we went to the midway. We played a couple games and we both lost because we suck lol but then we were going to go on the Ferris Wheel.  We got tickets and everything and I got really little when it was just us in our little basket where nobody was around(felt like it) and they spun us around once and then they slowly would stop and move us up and stop again to switch passengers. We got closer to the top and the sun was setting it was a perfect moment and all they did was put an arm around my should and try to take pictures the ENTIRE time. like if you wanted a picture fine but the whole moment was ruined and I stayed quiet until we left and walking back to the car they walked a good 10ft in front of me with a friend while i walked alone. I was kind of hoping someone would just kidnap me considering we were in a big city.

 

Second happened a little while ago and it was more sexual but it wasn't truly about that. We were kissing and they flipped me so I sat on their face while they had fun  however we stayed like that for a while and then all of a sudden they pushed me off and stormed into another room. I didn't know what was wrong but i followed and i got told(this is a summary) that I never take charge that they were thinking I would do something even though I always do. I got told that I make them feel like i make them pretend to be something they aren't. AAAND i got told they feel like they always have to be in Caregiver mode because i'm too needy.

 

I honestly don't know what to do anymore and I know this is long and ive never wrote anything like this before but I hope someone can help me even just knowing someone cares would make it better. 

[Guest TwinklingSpace]

I just want to give you a big hug.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I can't imagine how hard or stressful all of this must be for you.

 

Have you talked to your caregiver about how you feel? Maybe that could help. Just getting everything off your chest and out into the open. Maybe you two can come to an understanding. Also, it will give your caregiver a chance to get things off their chest too.

 

People change, as hard as it is for us to admit. It does actually happen a lot. You two aren't in the exact same spot you were two years ago. You've grown, matured and your opinions/thoughts/tastes change. You might just have to reevaluate your relationship and set new standards that both of you need.

 

Or, it might be time to move on.

 

I know that must be very hard to and scary to hear. And I'm not saying that that's what you should do. But be aware that you both might just be in a different place now and that's okay. It's okay if you've grown apart.

 

But you both need to sit down and talk things out.

 

Passive aggressive outbursts, neglect and living in anxiety isn't good for either of you.

 

Stay strong lovely

 

If you need a friend or someone to talk to. I'm here for you