Is It Me? Am I Wrong?

[Little Illy]

*waves* So, I know I am new to this forum and am inexperienced as a little in general... But I have a question.

 

Is it common for our community to get involved after only knowing each other for a day or so?

 

My philosophy for relationships (especially CG/l) is that I cannot get involved without knowing the person for a significant amount of time. And significant to me is considered weeks or months. At the very least. But that isn't what I am seeing. Granted, I don't know the secret communications people are having throughout the forum. However, I do have my own interactions to go off of. And so far they are making me feel like I am in the wrong.

 

I've only been on this site for roughly a week or so (I think) but on 4 separate occasions I have had Daddies ask me to be their little after only a few hours of talking. A couple of them have gotten truly upset that I wont accept them as Daddies because I don't know them well enough. And not upset because I wont have "playtime" with them but rather because they felt I was rejecting them and their friendship. Which wasn't the case at all. And at first I thought to myself "Okay, so there is some mentality here like Fetlife - instant gratification."  But now I am wondering if it is me? Am I the oddball? Am I expecting too much time?

I had a fellow little actually tell me I was leading the Daddies and Mommies on because of how playful I am when in chat. And because of this, she didn't know why I was so confused when I was being approached by Daddies to be their littles right away. I had another little tell me that CG/L get to know each other through their dynamic and not "wasted" days. Because the dynamic is such an intimate one, it is treated differently. With my limited experience as a Little and even less so with a Daddy, I can't help to wonder if it is me. And they are right. I can only do so much research, so I am looking to people on this sight kind of like an example of how the lifestyle is.

 

Is this how the CG/L community works? Am I being to critical?  Should I relax my expectations?

I unno guys. I am so confused. 

[Guest blah911]

I don't think your in the wrong nor do I think you should relax your expectations, I think its just a case of different people being different.  I personally am someone who does tend to move fast, and some people like it and some don't.  And I know people who very slow/careful before committing emotionally.  It's all just different ways of being there is absolutely nothing wrong witht he way you like to be and I'm sure there's a daddy who would love/cherish it about you.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

I dont think that there is a wrong or right, and it depends on what one is looking for. But for me, I personally agree that its better to take your time.

[Guest MissNMTX]

I don't think you're in the wrong at all. This relationship dynamic when done properly is a truly deep and intimate connection. Which should be based on friendship, commonality, and understanding of each other the same as any other relationship.

 

A quick look around the threads and you'll be post after post of "ghosting" "fake daddies" and unhealthy relationships. Sadly, since we live in such an online/instant gratification world. This seems to be more and more the case. Also, there is a certain degree of people wanting to take advantage of the vulnerability the dynamic creates...These people are predators!

 

I say, If you wouldn't rush into a friendship don't rush into DD/lg either. If you are a bit playful when you talk. That's fine if its who you are, just don't feel force into it and be careful with whom. Remember there should always be discussions about experience, expectations, limits, possible triggers all before an actual "relationship" is entered into.  Since you're new. Take the time to learn about yourself and what you'd say in these conversations. This is an excellent forum...I'm glad I found it myself. There  are a lot of resources and friendly, non-judgmental people willing to welcome you and help you along your journey.

 

In the end, Don't feel pressured into anything! That only makes things worse.

[Guest Prat]

It's definitely not you. Expecting to choose someone as your Cg after knowing them for 2 hours isn't a good idea, in fact, choosing a Cg that you've been good friends with for at least a month is a great choice. There's way too many fake Daddies or incompatible Daddies here and everywhere else.

 

Being playful when interacting with someone is okay, it's great that you're enjoying yourself here but if a Cg is hoping it's going to lead to something right of the start, they are either fishing or fake or not good or very inexperienced or just desperate.

 

Being playful isn't bad as long as you make your intentions clear.

 

Adding something like: "Not looking for a Cg at this time, just friends and fun." to your profile might be helpful.

 

Again, you're not wrong, it is sadly common that this happens, it shouldn't and it usually ends badly... Some people only want the play part of a ddlg relationship, that's why it's so common. Just the other day I saw a Daddy trying to fish one of my little friends to a "secret room full of REAL kittens" within the chat using stuffed kittens.. He was also condescending, disrespectful towards her in a way that he didn't see her as a person but as a target and me not as a Big friend but as competition (that's the feeling I had at least)I stepped in right there, it's okay being playful but there's a line to it you shouldn't cross you'll learn to see.

 

I personally love seeing littles being so playful here, it's a little online sanctuary which allows for little space and it's an amazing community. But that's it, they are being playful, keep in mind they are people to, they have other moods besides being playful, other needs, a personal life, a past, a plan for the future. Have some consideration and most importantly: A doms self control is his / hers / their's / it's most important attribute.

Edited August 27, 2016 by Praetorian

[Guest]

People here seem to move pretty fast (from what I am used to irl) but everyone is different.

If you're not comfortable with how fast someone moves along let them know you don't like it.

You should always be yourself, and not feel pressured to jump into stuff too soon. 

[Guest ZenDD]

This forum is a place for us to find like-mindedness, discourse, and support in. But it isn't a black and white, technical, "how-to" manual. You can perceive DDlg/Cgl to be what you want it to be. It is your life to live, your heart to fulfill, and your mind to make at ease, so you can't be wrong about your own expectations. You might find that you evolve in your perspective and attitudes, but only because you're learning more through your experiences and involvement. YOUR right-and-wrong are what matters. Your own moral compass and ethical perspective is the only one you need to follow. No one else's relationship should be relevant to yours, and society's view, which includes this community, should have no bearing either. We are human, so this forum isn't a judgement-free zone, it's just a less-judgement zone. We should try our best for it to at least be that.

 

Some obviously disagree with this opinion, but I don't feel your playfulness in chat leads people on. That observation is illogical to me. But I also believe that just because a woman dresses provocatively doesn't mean she's "asking for it". This debate has gone on since man sprouted an erection, and it will continue until man does not. Yes, there are things we all do, patterns we follow, actions we take that i'm sure lead us towards precarious emotional or physical situations. But I don't think your playfulness is one of those things. As long as you're very straightforward once the unwanted attention comes to you, you are doing nothing wrong.

 

It seems pretty odd to me that anyone in a DDlg forum would say that a little's playfulness in chat can be too much, or misleading. That seems like something folks in a "vanilla" forum would say if they saw little-style playfulness in their chatroom. But there are some vanilla mindsets here (even if they don't think they're vanilla), and that's ok, everyone should be welcome. Everyone is vanilla to somebody. Within DDlg there is a spectrum --- from vanilla-perspectived-occasional DDlg role players to full-fledged-24/7-lifestyle-DDlg little/sub spacers, and it's important that, no matter where any of us are on the spectrum, we don't judge or have intolerance for those of us who happen to be on the opposite side of that spectrum.

 

You be you -- proudly.

Edited August 28, 2016 by ZenDD

[LoralieHaze]

I'm just going to be completely blunt and say that you're right and they're wrong. I believe that all the people who think you're supposed to rush into DDlg actually have no idea what they're doing. I'd love to shake some sense into them! Never once have I witnessed any of these instant relationships last more than a few weeks at the most, including my own. It only took one time to learn my lesson though.

 

To hear that someone said that you get to know each other through your dynamic and not through wasted days just makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration. You must know someone before a dynamic is established!

 

So yes, it is common in our community to be a "couple" after a few hours but they won't last because they're making a mistake. For they know not what they do. Please take into account the fact that a lot of people here are 18 and don't even have a clue how vanilla relationships work, let alone BDSM ones. You're not an oddball, you're not expecting too much, you're not being too critical. You're being logical and reasonable. Please do not relax your expectations. If you want a real, lasting relationship, it's going to take time.

[Little Illy]

Thank you so much for all of the responses. 

 

I do want to clarify a few things to make my side a bit clearer.

 

I don't necessarily want to put on my profile I am strictly looking for friendship because that isn't true. If I stumble across a Daddy who could potentially be my Daddy, I would be lying if I said I wouldn't want to pursue it. I am looking for a Daddy, but not an instant one. However, as it had been suggested above, I do make sure to let my intentions be clear. Like I told the one Daddy - "I can't see you as a Daddy yet because I don't know you. But I would like to be friends with the understanding that for now it is strictly platonic with the chance of only staying as friends." I always let them know because that would not be fair, and then THAT goes into leading them on. 

 

And it is very reassuring to hear that I am not so much "in the wrong." I am not using this site as a "how-to" manual so to speak, but rather as an observation deck. I am taking in everything I see to learn from there and grow on my own. But it just seemed SO COMMON that it had me second guessing myself. Its always been hard for me to find a "regular" partner because of my time-lines and I foresee it being even harder here. I do know that it will be worth the wait, but I was starting to doubt if the reason why I always had trouble was because I was being too demanding and the fault resided within myself. I get plenty of interest, but nothing that really ever feels genuine. But rather just interest in that title of Daddy and little or for "one thing only."  So it just confusing.

 

But, I am sincerely glad to see that my confusion isn't rooted in anything. I have never really doubted my expectations until recently and I don't know why I am now. So thank you, everyone, you all helped a great deal. I will now go about my playful self without any looming thoughts that I'm being unrealistic or anything. Seriously, thank you!

 

[Trash Queen]

You do what is best for you emotionally, mentally, and physically. Never feel pressured into any situation that makes you uncomfortable. Just sit down and think through your preferences calmly. If they honestly seem reasonable and rational for you, then stick with them.

[littlelili]

*waves* So, I know I am new to this forum and am inexperienced as a little in general... But I have a question.

 

Is it common for our community to get involved after only knowing each other for a day or so?

 

My philosophy for relationships (especially CG/l) is that I cannot get involved without knowing the person for a significant amount of time. And significant to me is considered weeks or months. At the very least. But that isn't what I am seeing. Granted, I don't know the secret communications people are having throughout the forum. However, I do have my own interactions to go off of. And so far they are making me feel like I am in the wrong.

 

I've only been on this site for roughly a week or so (I think) but on 4 separate occasions I have had Daddies ask me to be their little after only a few hours of talking. A couple of them have gotten truly upset that I wont accept them as Daddies because I don't know them well enough. And not upset because I wont have "playtime" with them but rather because they felt I was rejecting them and their friendship. Which wasn't the case at all. And at first I thought to myself "Okay, so there is some mentality here like Fetlife - instant gratification."  But now I am wondering if it is me? Am I the oddball? Am I expecting too much time?

 

I had a fellow little actually tell me I was leading the Daddies and Mommies on because of how playful I am when in chat. And because of this, she didn't know why I was so confused when I was being approached by Daddies to be their littles right away. I had another little tell me that CG/L get to know each other through their dynamic and not "wasted" days. Because the dynamic is such an intimate one, it is treated differently. With my limited experience as a Little and even less so with a Daddy, I can't help to wonder if it is me. And they are right. I can only do so much research, so I am looking to people on this sight kind of like an example of how the lifestyle is.

 

Is this how the CG/L community works? Am I being to critical?  Should I relax my expectations?

 

I unno guys. I am so confused. 

Don't feel confused

I think you're right. 

What I have learned from this forum is that there are some people that see this as an internet roleplay thing. So they immediately want to asume the role of a CG, without knowing you better. But like... a game? I dunno. Well, in my opinion these people are looking for a different kind of thing than the one you're looking for. I mean, from what you write I understand that you're looking for a serious commited daddy, and I agree with you, that takes time to know each other and to see if the dynamic would work between you too.

I think that a person who offers to be a CG after a few  minutes of talking with you, regardless how playful, little, cool, cute or whatever you are in the chat is not looking for a serious relationship, maybe is looking for a quick roleplay and to have a good time. That's not bad either, but it's different I think.

 

hugs x

[TheProfessor]

I just came across this topic and I think it demonstrates one of the great dangers of internet-based communication, and that is the disconnection associated with it. 

 

In the world of Siri, it's easy to see how some folks who are used to a certain type of daily interaction with their technology can't tell the difference between a real person and some kind of online application.  Therefore, not only do they treat both the same way, they naturally tend more toward the disposable and dismissive.

 

I remember the days before the Internet, and what you describe was the normal way of getting to know each other.  Now, I raised my kids to do the same, and they both have very healthy relationships with their SOs.  So, it is still possible to have relationships grow organically.

 

Unfortunately, society has tended more toward instant- and self-gratification, and technology has just made it move much faster, so statistically it may be the "norm" to expect immediate responses, but whether or not it is healthy, my opinion is no.

 

You seem to have your head on straight, so go with your instinct.