Is he Daddy material?

[Guest Xuyai]

I am in some desperate need of input and advice, from Daddies and littles alike.

 

I have been in a relationship for the past 7 months with a man, and I truly feel like he could be "the one". However, he doesn't necessarily identify with the DD lifestyle. He knows I whole-heartedly feel I am a middle, and he does oblige me in his own ways. He always comes home from work with snacks (my favorite treat/gift) for me, he will sometimes refer to himself as Daddy when we are intimate or even when he is trying to enforce a rule ("Daddy said it is bedtime. Go to bed!"), calls me princess, comments on how tiny I am - which honestly means a lot to me... he has an attraction to petite girls and I dont really feel very petite being 5'8" and 140 lbs , he cooks for me, gives me lots of hugs and kisses.... I know he is a good provider with a sweet heart because he basically takes care of his ill mother, paying all of her bills and such. I have children of my own and he is beyond good to them, treating them all as if they are his own.

 

He has some abandonment and insecurity issues however, and seems to need just as much reassurance as I do sometimes.

 

What do you think? Is there a potential DDlg relationship that could grow from this? Do you think he expresses Daddy-like qualities? How do I go about discussing this with him?

[Guest ZenDD]

It sounds like you are already in a DDlg relationship with him. Your situation brings about many questions to me, because It isn't clear what your actual issue is. You say he doesn't "identify" with the DD lifestyle. What does "identify" mean to you? Because his actions already seem Daddy-like, including the use of the term "Daddy". Is the issue that you want him to be Daddy 24/7 and he isn't? Is it just his style of Daddy Dominance that is leaving you unfulfilled?

 

You also mentioned his need for reassurance. All people, including Daddies, need reassurance within a relationship. But everyone's specific needs on how reassurance is given, is different. Do you not like that he needs this reassurance or do you feel he thinks your reassurance isn't enough? Do you give him reassurance as a little? Does he take your little seriously? 

 

Lastly, you say you've been with him for 7 months and he could be "the one". I'm not sure how important someone being a DD really is to you. If having a mate who is a DD is in fact crucial, then how could you consider someone whom you do not consider to be a DD to be "the one?" In other words, I'm not sure if DDlg is a deal breaker for either of you. You both seem flexible on the idea. Were you into DDlg before you met him?

 

Communication is crucial, and there is no other way to resolve these things with him than to set a time for the two of you to discuss them openly. Be straightforward, compassionate, and respectful of his opinions and perspectives, and he of yours. But the idea that you can convince him or encourage him to become something that he is not is one you shouldn't have. If he doesn't feel a natural tendency and desire towards participating in a DDlg relationship, then he shouldn't. If he does it only to "oblige" you, as you say, then that dynamic will not last. If a long term relationship is what you both want, then you both need to be open about what that relationship looks like in your minds' eye. Not that people can't change or evolve, they do. But that has to come naturally, of their own want and will.

 

Maybe answering some of these questions might get you some better answers and advice from those who would like to contribute some insight. Good luck!

Edited August 27, 2016 by ZenDD

[WalrusBoxer]

He sounds like a good man. Thank your lucky stars you have him.

[Guest Xuyai]

Thank you very much for your answer!

 

I will try to elaborate a little further. I'm not trying to "force" him into a Daddy role by no means. He does all of this on his own, the most Ive ever inquired is asking him if it bothers him when I call him Daddy, which he says it doesnt bother him at all. I guess Im just wondering if he sees it as more of a role playing dynamic instead of a type of lifestyle?

 

I will admit I'm still new to my own realizations about this part of myself so there's a bit of apprehension and perhaps even shame still lingering, so it makes discussing it a little difficult for me.

 

I am someone who longs to be cared for and looked after. Guided. Protected. I am submissive by nature and that has led me into a few bad relationships in the past, ones where I was taken advantage of. But this one, he is different. He wants to help me stand on my own feet and recognize I have my own voice. He takes the lead a lot of the time, but in a very gentle and subtle way. He puts up with my moodiness and spats of jealousy. He goes out of his way to make me feel special and wanted.

 

As far as his insecurities go, they stem from his own past. He needs constant reassurance that I love him and only him. Which thinking deeper now on the subject I suppose it is a very Daddy-like attribute. He wants to hear it from my own mouth that I am his.

 

I apologize if I am sounding ignorant in any sort of way. It really is the reason I am here, reaching out to people who could help me get a better grasp of my feelings and thoughts. And I'm sorry if I have left anything out, my brain is a bit overwhelmed at the moment!

 

But again, thank you for taking the time to chat a bit about this, it does mean a lot to me.

[Guest Xuyai]

And to WalrusBoxer, thank you!! I very much agree he is a VERY good man.

[Guest Princessaj]

God gives us exactly what we need. Amen.

[Guest Princessaj]

ZenDD status says it all.

In the abundance of water, the fool is thirsty.

[Guest ZenDD]

Thank you very much for your answer!

 

I will try to elaborate a little further. I'm not trying to "force" him into a Daddy role by no means. He does all of this on his own, the most Ive ever inquired is asking him if it bothers him when I call him Daddy, which he says it doesnt bother him at all. I guess Im just wondering if he sees it as more of a role playing dynamic instead of a type of lifestyle?

 

I will admit I'm still new to my own realizations about this part of myself so there's a bit of apprehension and perhaps even shame still lingering, so it makes discussing it a little difficult for me.

 

I am someone who longs to be cared for and looked after. Guided. Protected. I am submissive by nature and that has led me into a few bad relationships in the past, ones where I was taken advantage of. But this one, he is different. He wants to help me stand on my own feet and recognize I have my own voice. He takes the lead a lot of the time, but in a very gentle and subtle way. He puts up with my moodiness and spats of jealousy. He goes out of his way to make me feel special and wanted.

 

As far as his insecurities go, they stem from his own past. He needs constant reassurance that I love him and only him. Which thinking deeper now on the subject I suppose it is a very Daddy-like attribute. He wants to hear it from my own mouth that I am his.

 

I apologize if I am sounding ignorant in any sort of way. It really is the reason I am here, reaching out to people who could help me get a better grasp of my feelings and thoughts. And I'm sorry if I have left anything out, my brain is a bit overwhelmed at the moment!

 

But again, thank you for taking the time to chat a bit about this, it does mean a lot to me.

 

Sounds like you're on the right path. And he sounds like a great person. You must be, too, if he is with you. Best of luck, and don't be afraid to talk to him about all of this. If he is as great as you say, I'm sure he'll be receptive, compassionate, and supportive. You don't sound ignorant at all. Quite the contrary. You're desire to seek knowledge and understanding, and to figure out how to be the best person for your partner while staying true to yourself is admirable. Take care!

[Guest Littlepup]

He must love you a lot

Do you also love him the most?

Sometimes a perfectly good person comes a long and wants to be your everything

but you cant make a heart love somebody 

if you feel good and happy and this is just a weird feeling for you because you're not used to it, then great!

but if you feel like your obligated to feel good and happy because a great guy likes you... you might not really like him the most and only be staying out of guilt

and you can definitely still love that person.. but it's a different kind of love... more of a family love

I hope you can figure out how you feel

it is kind of hard to understand how you feel from what you are saying, but I thought I'd put my thoughts out there

[Tankgirl]

Hey, I've just joined this forum because I'm struggling with something like this - if I'm understanding you right. I have an amazing husband I've been with for six years,he had BDSM interests, which was something we happily found we had in common. Then it came about from my behaviour and reading about different lifestyles that I was really a little - though a bratty and probably feral one, as this side of me hasn't been tended to except by coincidence in relationships. The more I read the more this made sense.

 

He seemed happy to share learning about the lifestyle and experimenting with the dynamic at first - but after a while his interest in anything other than sexual Daddy lg interaction dwindled to nothing. He says he doesn't know enough to be sure he is happy as a Daddy apart from in play, but he isn't interested enough it seems to look into it - or if he does he doesn't tell me so or do anything about it.

 

I can't help feeling that tells me he isn't really interested, and I don't want to make anyone feel pressured into doing something they aren't happy with - no matter how much I feel my needs press on me. It makes me very sad, but I love him very much and as much as I feel I need to able to be little - I can't put pressure on him nor would I ever be unfaithful to get my needs met. I wouldn't want to leave him either - the situation makes me very sad.

 

I hope your Daddy just feels a lack of confidence - perhaps he simply doesn't know how to do it, as he sees it, 'properly'? My husband feels like this I know - what I don't know is whether he even wants it in his life at all, though he insists he loves our play scenes and that definitely seems sincere. I've seen lots of great advice from people, reading on the forum, asking the lines of "of it feels right, you both agree and are happy - do it". I think you set your own rules, but I wonder if it's common for potential new Daddies to feel there is a particular rule book they must follow, or fail the Daddy test?