New Daddy asking for advice on Little self esteem

[daddymeeki]

So I'm really new to this. A friend of mine asked me out and name dropped dd/lg by accident, which I researched (Daddies should be a little nosy right? ) and jumped into pretty quickly. That was less than a week ago.

 

Now, my little is super fragile in terms of self esteem, I knew this even before we started. So using some guidance around this website (thanks btw) I made a few rules. One of the rules is that she must stand in front of the mirror every morning and say 5 positive things about herself, which she then has to tell me. And of course I give her lots of support and praise when she does well but I'm worried I'm trying too hard to force it. And she's not allowed to say anything about herself that isn't complimentary. I'm worried about her is all.

Edited August 27, 2016 by daddymeeki

[zzz]

It's really sweet of you to take an interest in her well being like this.

First of all, self affirmation is only really effective when you're genuinely trying to learn to love yourself. So, if she's following these rules, it matters whether she's going through the motions just to please you, or if she's really trying to start forming a good relationship with herself.

Second of all, in terms of not being able to say bad things about herself, I think the message is clear and good, but it runs the risk of making it feel like she can't talk to you about it if she's having a bad self-esteem day. I think cutting back on offhand negative remarks is great, but also make sure she knows that if she feels really low about herself, she can always talk about it.

Finally, I want to remind you that while it's great that you want to take care of her, you have to take care of yourself, too. No matter how much structure or guidance you give her, her happiness and well being will never ever be up to you. If she's hurting, you can't blame yourself. And, if after many many hours of investing in her well being she still can't change for the better, so be it. There's only so much one person can do.

[daddymeeki]

I understand, I'll be sure to talk to her about it later. Thanks a lot! Edited August 27, 2016 by daddymeeki

[Guest Prat]

I agree with zzz. Having just left a relationship with someone with self esteem issues, I think you'll find these tips useful. Also check out a post I've made, might help as well.

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12228-fake-little-lousy-daddy-dishonesty-and-manipulation-what-happened/

 

When it comes to issues of self esteem and self worth, you can't impose those. Don't make it a rule that she looks at herself in the mirror and perform this ritual under pressure from receiving some sort of punishment (cause usually breaking rules demands punishment of some sort), instead let her know how much it would mean to you that she performs these little actions like the 5 good things and a mirror or for example writing a little essay to why she's a great person or to write down all the good things she did at the end of every week and read them to you.

 

Also ask her to write down at the end of each month the reasons she has these issues and what she has done to try and change it. There are always 3 ways to happiness: change the situation, change yourself or remove yourself from the situation.

 

As her Daddy, it's your responsibility to help her change the things she doesn't like about herself or guide her out of situations she doesn't like, be her strength or help her find her own. Keep her safe from all the meanies, her demons and even yourself.

Edited August 27, 2016 by Praetorian

[daddymeeki]

I see, that's exactly what I was worried about. I'll probably suspend that rule until I think of something better. She really hates writing essays so that's one of her punishments, I don't know if they should overlap but I get the idea. 

 

Thanks for all the support everyone.

[Guest Prat]

It doesn't have to be an essay, just a couple sentences she can write down. Good luck.

[Guest Littlepup]

Oh i love this

I still have my bad days, as much as everyone will

but saw a dramatic rise in my self esteem over a period of time and I always want to help others reach the same level.

 

Looking in the mirror and saying positive things is VERY GOOD, it works, it will feel like you are lying to yourself for a while, and that is okay (make sure she knows that's okay) however try bringing it down to 1 thing at first and up the quantity as she gets more confident. Also the positive things need to be said OUTLOAD to herself, and then you need to say them to her as well. They can be vague or based on something she has done, anything positive about herself.

 

Let her pick out some cute clothes that feel good and encourage her to wear them because when you dress good you feel good, you know what i'm sayin?

 

Help her do things she can be proud of, like eat a healthy snack. 

 

Watch little kids shows about self esteem and acceptance. 

 

I have a tumblr here http://helpyouhelpyou.tumblr.com/ that might be interesting for her, it's based on feelings and there's some self help, but mostly reblog of feelings, and it's a good way to feel connected to others through feelings and know that you are not alone. you are not the only one who struggles. so have fun with that.

[Thequeen]

Self esteem issues in little's just about sucks no offense. My little went through it for years and got very extreme with it. My first piece of advice is honestly as bad as it sounds: listen to their complaints about themselves. Once you learn what they hate you as their daddy Dom can help reform those thoughts by gently nudging her in the right direction slowly over a longer period of time which I know sucks because you'll feel like your trying so hard this hole time just to see no results. But basically if she says she's fat and you can see she's a little bit chubby ( obviously you don't mind you love her) but if she does then slowly change the way things work in your home life. Make a rule about sweets how she has to ask you to have them that way you can see if she's maybe got a sugar problem which is why she's a bit chubby. Or if she sits around all day find a fun way to get her moving. If she likes dancing get her some music and ask her to dance for you for a little while or take her to the park to play or run around outside for a bit. Don't ban all sugar or force workouts just reduce sugar and have her be a little playful self. Any self esteem issue she might have a daddy or a mommy can find a creative way to fix. Like hair for little girls seem to be an issue. If her hair is too rough get her some better conditioner or take her to a hair salon every once in awhile. By changing some of her biggest hates he rest of the self hate usually goes away as weird as that is. I got my little to be more playful and active we both lost weight and now he's always smiling and happy. We didn't even lose that much. Altogether I would guess 5 pounds?? Maybe??? If even that. It doesn't take much just enough to show their mind that they can do it and this issue they see in themselves isn't them as a person.

 

I know this was long but that was my best piece of advice so I hope it helps a bit