Trans Daddy (Newbie)

[daddycan]

Hey all,

I've been trying to do as much research as I can and have finally decided to man up and ask other daddies/mommies. I just started a new relationship with an amazing girl I've known for years and it turns out she's always wanted a daddy! (also, don't know if this matters but I'm 28 and she's 22) Non-sexually, things are going pretty great, caring for and making her happy is so easy for me and I very much enjoy this new role. I do have a quick question on rewards and punishments...how do you first introduce these to the relationship? Sometimes she gets bratty on purpose, I think to test me, and I don't really know what punishments can look like....

Sexually, I'm also having a bit of trouble. We're very open in what our hard no's are and have a safe word and all that but I can't seem to get comfortable in being a daddy in the bedroom. What are some common things/ways daddy act in the bedroom that are different from just being a...top for example? Another issue I'm having is feeling like I don't have the equipment to be an effective daddy dom as I am a female to male trans guy. I know that I look super masculine from the waist up (surgery and hormones) but once my pants come off I become a little insecure. I guess I'm wondering, what kind of things can I do in the bedroom that don't involve a dick? Any suggestions or personal experience is greatly appreciated!

[Guest Coyote420]

Well I've never been in a ddlg relationship, so the rewards and punisments are something I have ideas on , but since I have no experiance in it I'd rather refrain in commenting on that subject.

 

However, I have been in a BDSM relationship so I can give my input on the sexual subject. Let me just tell you that there's SOO much you can do without a dick, most of the time I just played with a girl, , used bondage on her,  pet play,  ... key is to take charge and let her be complete under your control and for that you dnt need a dick! 

I mean, I won't go into the details, you know all that, I think for you the problem is the fact that you feel insecure because you dnt have a dick (sorry to be blunt like that, my moulth has no filter) ... You are a natural dominant, but because of your sittuation you aren't sure of yourself, it's all psichological. 

 

If you want to talk about specifics you can add me and we can talk in pm. I don't have many caregiver friends cause frankly most are here just looking for a little and arent really interested in socializing with other caregivers. Soo, if you wanna talk I'm just one click away ^^

Edited August 26, 2016 by Coyote420

[Guest ZenDD]

It's always good to ask questions and try to become better informed. I commend you for that. No one here is an expert, and all relationships and their needs, desires, and dynamics are unique to themselves. But there are many here who can offer ideas and support. In my humble opinion, the most important thing to remember for newbies is that not all Daddies and littles are compatible merely because they are a Daddy and a little. This may seem blatantly obvious, but it never ceases to amaze me how many relationship struggles discussed here are due to incompatibility. There is no one way to be a Daddy or a little.

 

That compatibility doesn't just have to do with perspectives on the lifestyle, but also with the pace or level of readiness (weather that mean logistically, mentally, or emotionally). Sometimes the failure of a D/s relationship can come down to the simple issue of one person not being as ready as the other, no matter how compatible the curiosity and style are. Even if the partner who is more ready to proceed is patient and willing to let the other "catch up" so to speak, they both may find that by the time the less-ready partner feels ready, their ideas have changed, no longer making them a compatible partner. It's a risk, like any relationship. Sometimes we put in the effort, and it doesn't work out. Be prepared for that possibility, and don't let it destroy your heart and mind if that should happen.

 

Regarding rewards and punishments, and DDlg in general: everything you do should feel natural. Nothing should feel forced. Always start from your instinct; your needs, your desires, your wishes, your fantasies, your emotions, your bliss, and spread out from there. Then study and research, by asking questions (as you are doing) and reading from the myriad of examples, debates, suggestions, and concepts of this subject online and in bookstores. And most importantly, talk to your partner about her concept of DDlg, and things like rules, rewards, and punishments. Her instinctual perspectives matter just as much. From there, you'll get a better idea on what you can design and implement, if anything at all, in order to fulfill both of your needs. And we should always remember that because, as people, we grow and evolve so the learning never ends.

 

As you well know, masculinity has nothing to do with a penis. And being a Daddy is a psychological state, a state of mind. If anyone is really struggling with figuring out how to be a Daddy and what it entails, maybe it's not actually what one really is. DDlg, like any other subculture, can sometimes be fetishized into a fad. But it was born out of nature and nurture, instinctual and learned behavior, that ultimately feels natural, right, and part of the source of identity for those who live life from that perspective. The psychology of it is as old as humanity. It should feel as natural as gender identity, and sexual orientation. If it doesn't, it shouldn't be forced: on oneself or anyone else. 

 

That being said, just because something feels natural doesn't mean that how it manifests itself in real-world situations or how it logistically is implemented is naturally known. It takes lots of exploration and experimentation. Be patient with it, and communicate, communicate, communicate with your partner. We have to remember to not make assumptions and to remain aware, empathetic and compassionate. For everyone involved, It should be a labor of love. Good luck!

Edited August 26, 2016 by ZenDD

[Trash Queen]

I have a few trans friends and I'll just comment that don't let your equipment get in the way! You have hands and fingers and a tongue. As well as look into some toys and strap-ons. Your behavior and demeanor are the most import in the dynamic.

[daddycan]

Thanks to the few who have replied! I guess first I should mention that I've always been dom in the bedroom and I love being called daddy. After reading the comments we did sit down and discuss what we wanted to relationship to look like and what she wanted from me. Together we made Little expectations..or rules, and some for myself and even came up with some punishments that we both liked!

 

Thanks for the confidence boost everyone. Also, when I brought it up she had said that she also wanted to further discuss how our relationship has evolved (she started calling me daddy around 6 months ago). But it seems we were both nervous when it came to talking about it. As for the bedroom, like someone had said, I get insecure because of the no dick situation, but the comments encourage that you don't need a dick to be a good daddy which is extremely relieving.

 

Any other first voice experiences are still encouraged please!

[LittlePupRune]

Hey, so I'm a little late to this. Everyone has some really great advice, which I'm definitely going to take into consideration considering I'm also dealing with the "no dick situation". What I've actually done with my little one, and its helped, is I wear a strap on under my clothing. Now its a little awkward to have to stop in the middle of foreplay when we can tell its going to go farther that night, but with a little work we get back into the swing of things. Now part of why it works for me so well is that my imagination is really strong. But if you wear a pair of boxers and pull the dildo through, you don't see any of the harness so it help with my imagination at least. 

Just thought this could help if you wanted to try something along those lines!

 

But really, your capability as a daddy is not tied to having a dick or not. Heh, "its not the size that matters, but how you use it". However you also want to keep in mind that you're taking care of yourself in addition to your little, and sometimes (at least I know in my situation) when dealing with dysphoria it helps to see the physical representation.

[Guest ZenDD]

Hey, so I'm a little late to this. Everyone has some really great advice, which I'm definitely going to take into consideration considering I'm also dealing with the "no dick situation". What I've actually done with my little one, and its helped, is I wear a strap on under my clothing. Now its a little awkward to have to stop in the middle of foreplay when we can tell its going to go farther that night, but with a little work we get back into the swing of things. Now part of why it works for me so well is that my imagination is really strong. But if you wear a pair of boxers and pull the dildo through, you don't see any of the harness so it help with my imagination at least. 

Just thought this could help if you wanted to try something along those lines!

 

But really, your capability as a daddy is not tied to having a dick or not. Heh, "its not the size that matters, but how you use it". However you also want to keep in mind that you're taking care of yourself in addition to your little, and sometimes (at least I know in my situation) when dealing with dysphoria it helps to see the physical representation.

 

Hey man, what gives? I appreciate your taste in profile pictures, you young whippersnapper you, but c'mon, really? First come, first serve, right? I don't want to have to arm wrestle you for it. 

[LittlePupRune]

Hey man, what gives? I appreciate your taste in profile pictures, you young whippersnapper you, but c'mon, really? First come, first serve, right? I don't want to have to arm wrestle you for it. 

Heh, quite a coincidence , but I've been using that photo for at least a year now if not more on my other profiles before I got here. Have to say, I like your taste in photos . But yours really makes me think of an ouroboros, so there is some differentiation.

[Guest ZenDD]

Heh, quite a coincidence , but I've been using that photo for at least a year now if not more on my other profiles before I got here. Have to say, I like your taste in photos . But yours really makes me think of an ouroboros, so there is some differentiation.

 

It's an enso.

[Thequeen]

Hello!

 

So as a mommy dom you can imagine I dont have equipement much like you. However, I can relate to the feeling of needing one to be the best dom. But I also know that I especially like the idea of one because I am (according to that bdsm test going around) 99% master so its about the possessiveness and control I would gain from it. After realizing thats why I wanted it, I decided to look into varies ideas that allowed me to use what I had. So my suggestion is look into toys if you want to be able to, well dont take offense to the extreme word here, fuck her or take her in any way. If you like the idea of it being connected to you ( I imagine you might do you identifing as a male) then I would suggest considering a strap on. If you dont care about this, I personally use a remote controlled vibrator to tease my preftm little boy which obviously would work on any girl. There are many other toys if you want to go that route.

 

I also agree with everyone else saying you dont need one to be a dom. Because its true you dont. Just be confident in who and what you are. I know its hard, trust me I really really do know. Because there are some days I have so many things I wish I could do to that boy that I cant but instead I use some creativity and come with other ways to undergo my ideas just be creative and think about you feel is right for you. If your into toys, your into toys. if your not, your not. its okay no one cares! Its your life, you do you. That's the only way you will be happy

 

I hope I helped at least some!

-TheQueen

[Thequeen]

Well I've never been in a ddlg relationship, so the rewards and punisments are something I have ideas on , but since I have no experiance in it I'd rather refrain in commenting on that subject.

 

However, I have been in a BDSM relationship so I can give my input on the sexual subject. Let me just tell you that there's SOO much you can do without a dick, most of the time I just played with a girl, , used bondage on her,  pet play,  ... key is to take charge and let her be complete under your control and for that you dnt need a dick! 

I mean, I won't go into the details, you know all that, I think for you the problem is the fact that you feel insecure because you dnt have a dick (sorry to be blunt like that, my moulth has no filter) ... You are a natural dominant, but because of your sittuation you aren't sure of yourself, it's all psichological. 

 

If you want to talk about specifics you can add me and we can talk in pm. I don't have many caregiver friends cause frankly most are here just looking for a little and arent really interested in socializing with other caregivers. Soo, if you wanna talk I'm just one click away ^^

 

Also, it might be an error on my computer but because you are a guest I cant view your profile so I'm assuming no one else can which might cause a problem in the whole adding as friends thing just fyi to help you all in any way possible. But I totally agree no one seems to be looking for friends on here, only the littles seem to use this website for that hahah, so if anyone wants a friend add me I would love some other caregiver friends!