Problems with Daddy

[Thisisme]

So, I'm just curious, how common is it for Bigs to have jealousy issues pertaining to their littles?

 

I have several male and female friends who I'm affectionate to (friendly hug, kisses on the cheek, etc.) all who I have known longer than my Daddy. I am very much gender fluid and slightly heteroflexible (only for Daddy). I identify as lesbian and Dominant, and have been having my own internal battle over this entire unexpected relationship. This is my first real experience being on the opposite side of the slash.

 

I feel like I'm doing something wrong when Daddy sees me being my "adult" self with these people because he get attitudinal ND off-putting. We have had issues pertaining to this in the past, and I thought things were getting better. I am not willing to give up any of my friends for the sake of another person. I firmly believe in loyalty and feel that if a friendship ends, it will do so because of the actionsof the parties involved.

 

Does any other little have (or have had) this problem with their Big? If so, how did you handle it?

[StefanC71_UK]

I know you're asking littles for advice, but if it's ok, just 1 thing I would say to you as a caregiver.

 

Most littles and caregivers that I've spoken to, my ex little, myself, we rarely tell people about our dd or lg side. It's something we usually keep hidden due to how others react to it.

 

Therefore personally, I would never expect my little to act little around her friends, family or strangers. I would expect her to act how she would normally act around them and then go back to little space when they're gone and shes ready.

[aj_21]

Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and how his reaction is making you feel and go from there - although it sounds like you already have.

 

He should not expect or require you to act little in front of friends or family if you are not comfortable with it. Nor should he expect you to give up your friends - thats not part of a healthy relationship dd/lg or otherwise...

Edited August 19, 2016 by aj_21

[Thisisme]

I know you're asking littles for advice, but if it's ok, just 1 thing I would say to you as a caregiver.

 

Most littles and caregivers that I've spoken to, my ex little, myself, we rarely tell people about our dd or lg side. It's something we usually keep hidden due to how others react to it.

 

Therefore personally, I would never expect my little to act little around her friends, family or strangers. I would expect her to act how she would normally act around them and then go back to little space when they're gone and shes ready.

Thank you for your advice as a Big. I post this in the the littles section, but any views are gladly welcomed.

 

He hasn't directly said that he would rather me be in little space at all times (not feasible as we both have children and other important responsibilities), but at times he does act as if the would be his preference. I am rely good at separating and compartmentalization of different areas in my life. He on the other hand... not so much. What is a little to do in this situation? Lol.

[Thisisme]

Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and how his reaction is making you feel and go from there - although it sounds like you already have.

 

He should not expect or require you to act little in front of friends or family if you are not comfortable with it. Nor should he expect you to give up your friends - thats not part of a healthy relationship dd/lg or otherwise...

 

He isn't expecting me to give up my friendships per say. But he is expecting me to change how I interact with them, even though at those times, I am not little.

It is in my nature to be affectionate towards my close friends as they are more like family to me (not close to my actual family).

He doesn't flat out say "don't talk to them, don't hug them/give them kisses on the cheek, etc" (any more anyway). But he does make comments afterwards about any physical interactions, and doesn't understand why I get so upset.

[StefanC71_UK]

It might be his preference that you are little all or most of the time, but if its something that you, and most others, cannot comfortably do around friends and family, then you absolutely should not do it.

 

As AJ said above, you have to talk. Communication is key in every relationship, moreso in any form of d/s, ddlg type of relationship.

 

You both have to be honest with each about what you want, what you can do, won't do etc. If you can reach a point where you are both happy, great. If it becomes an impasse, well, that would be for you to decide where to go from there.

 

You can only both be true to yourselves, and hopefully your truths match.

[Thisisme]

It might be his preference that you are little all or most of the time, but if its something that you, and most others, cannot comfortably do around friends and family, then you absolutely should not do it.

 

As AJ said above, you have to talk. Communication is key in every relationship, moreso in any form of d/s, ddlg type of relationship.

 

You both have to be honest with each about what you want, what you can do, won't do etc. If you can reach a point where you are both happy, great. If it becomes an impasse, well, that would be for you to decide where to go from there.

 

You can only both be true to yourselves, and hopefully your truths match.

Thanks for all your help! Any advice is extremely helpful right now.

[Guest annemarie]

i may not have had a possessive boyfriend, but i do know unfairness when i see it and if he's trying to make you stop seeing all of your friends because you might cheat on them with him, then you need to have a long talk with him about why what he's doing isn't okay and why it's unfair to you. he's your daddy, but you're not his dolly and you don't belong to him 100%. he should've known when getting into a relationship with you that that's what would happen. this is totally on him, not you.

[Thisisme]

i may not have had a possessive boyfriend, but i do know unfairness when i see it and if he's trying to make you stop seeing all of your friends because you might cheat on them with him, then you need to have a long talk with him about why what he's doing isn't okay and why it's unfair to you. he's your daddy, but you're not his dolly and you don't belong to him 100%. he should've known when getting into a relationship with you that that's what would happen. this is totally on him, not you.

He's not saying that I can't see my friends. He already knows that won't happen. It's mainly his reaction to any affection shown between my friends and me.