I am NOT you Daddy

[Guest Coyote420]

I started this topic in response to the "You're not my daddy" topic which I totally agree with. But well I wanted to mention a few things that bother me about SOME littles as well.

 

Well let me be blunt. I have talked to some littles, and after literally less then a day it was ''Daddy this... Daddy that'' ... Yes I am nice to you, but that DOES NOT make me your daddy!

 

Firstly , I have stated in my profile that i'm looking for friends primarily.

 

Seccondly, if I were to consider you as a little I'd first need to establish a good friendship base, which you cant do in a few hours. Your partner is supposed to be your bestfriend afterall , duhhh

 

Last but not least, if you go calling me daddy right away I'll just get anoyed and lose all respect for you. Those that will embrace the daddy role after a day or 2 most likely just wanna use you, and they will most likely succedde cause frankly you sound desperate.

 

I am starting this topic partly cause it anoys me when littles do that, but mostly it's for their own good. I'm sorry if I was to harsh but it needed to be said, you will thank me in the long run...

[kissingkitten]

Yes. I agree this needs to be said. Dd/lg or whatever title you want to give this lifestyle does not establish a lasting foundation in hooking up or just talking to each other for hours or days. If you're just hooking up - that's fine, but don't consider it Dd/lg because that takes time, patience, learning, and a commitment to making things work out.

 

And p-l-e-a-s-e don't get on here whining about your lost "relationship" consisting of just a few hours or merely days. The rest of us that wo rk hard at their relstionships get tired of hearing it.

 

I too am sorry if this sounds harsh but let's use our brains and think of how you sound if you're just sounding desperate or whiny about something. If you need help or advice, by all means, reach out. If you're just being a whiny butt bratt, save it for your caregiver.

 

Otay, i've probably pissed people off but at least i'm speaking up. (Which, by the way, isn't always easy for a lil to do.)

 

Thankies Coyote420 for saying what you felt.

[Guest tempest]

I respect this so much. It's nice to hear a Big say this. Many seem to rush into things, and, I myself have even been guilty. I didn't feel you were harsh at all.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

I dont like when littles call ya daddy right away. Being "Daddy" is a big deal, Its a huge responsibility.When someone calls you that right away it cheapens it, It makes the title meaningless.

 

The way i seperate, is this. And its something i made my little do right away. Always capitolize the "D" real Daddy is Daddy. Not daddy, daddy is nothing.

[Guest Coyote420]

Ehh what bothers me the most is that after that they blame for leading them on and say i'm an asshole. 

 

A DDLG relationship is literally the most intimate kind of relationship there is, you cant get to that point in a day ....

[Guest GrapeApe]

Agreed.  What bothers me are littles who join the site, immediately expect to find their 'Daddy', and are emotionally crushed when that doesn't happen right away.

 

I'm sorry, but you're what, 18?  Life, and relationships, are not some silly game to be played out on a public forum, for show.  Geez.

[Poppet in Wonderland]

Not you weren't too harsh, you told them the truth, how you felt.

[Guest]

That post needed to be made, thank you so very much! And I really do agree KK, you're more than right! ^~^

[Poppet in Wonderland]

Yes. I agree this needs to be said. Dd/lg or whatever title you want to give this lifestyle does not establish a lasting foundation in hooking up or just talking to each other for hours or days. If you're just hooking up - that's fine, but don't consider it Dd/lg because that takes time, patience, learning, and a commitment to making things work out.

 

And p-l-e-a-s-e don't get on here whining about your lost "relationship" consisting of just a few hours or merely days. The rest of us that wo rk hard at their relstionships get tired of hearing it.

 

I too am sorry if this sounds harsh but let's use our brains and think of how you sound if you're just sounding desperate or whiny about something. If you need help or advice, by all means, reach out. If you're just being a whiny butt bratt, save it for your caregiver.

 

Otay, i've probably pissed people off but at least i'm speaking up. (Which, by the way, isn't always easy for a lil to do.)

 

Thankies Coyote420 for saying what you felt.

 

Exactly!

[Deimos420]

I have been guilty of falling for a girl who did this was my first go round and it felt so good to take care of her but if you can't build a normal relationship in first place just both being ddlg does not make u a match now I was with this girl for months and I devoted self to being her daddy but I hings just never clicked cuz we rushed it and all we had was little space and sex which slowly got less and less and the stress of our differences settled in I am not here saying I know it all or even close cuz TBH I'm new to this but it's who I always was just couldn't express it in any other inter personal relationship so far I have never myself looked to go be that forward and it was three days before she called me daddy first time and IDK I'm sure still fits in what u all said sorry if I rambled we only broke up yesterday after 112 days May not be yrs but I was falling for her at this point and now I Feel broken cuz she just walked away

[Antoinette]

This is so important! I feel like the pet names for girls like "babygirl/princess" get a lot of exposure as being known to not say straight away but this isn't a noticed issue. It does make some guys feel uncomfortable to be called ''daddy'' or other things alike so quickly. Thanks for making this, I hope more people see it. 

[A Cuddly Dom]

This is a worthwhile topic, and we often don't discuss it out in the open. I can understand that many littles, a lot of them very young and inexperienced, feel an enormous rush of excitement when they join a community such as this. They are so excited and eager to find a CG, but haven't taken the time to learn about the dynamic, how to be safe online and IRL in this lifestyle, nor about etiquette.

 

My personal pet peeve is having my inbox spammed with friend requests from girls who literally joined five minutes before sending the request. It makes it difficult trying to determine who wants to be a friend, and who just joined to find a CG asap. A lot of times, these littles don't even read my profile before sending a request, which is why I often ignore requests these days. I just don't have time to send out messages welcoming a new member only to be hit with a reply like, "Oh, hai Daddy!" It's off putting, because there is only one girl on earth allowed to call me that, and the little would have known that if they'd bothered reading my profile first.

 

Anyway, excuse my rant. Overall, I just wish these littles would take the time and effort to do a little more research into what is acceptable and what is not within the lifestyle. Not only is it rude to throw oneself at someone you just met, it can also be dangerous, too.

 

Perhaps we need a ground level push for better education and resources for those new to the lifestyle? Though, I see that there is plenty of information out there already, and some are just not choosing to read the material. I don't have the magic answer for this particular issue, but it is good to talk about it in the open.

[Guest ZenDD]

I think everyone here has good points to share. I also realize that things can get frustrating. But i'm of the belief that it's not just what we say, but how we say it. Many of these posts sound very angry, demeaning, impatient, and intolerant. I think the speed of the development of a relationship, or how one is addressed within it, should be between the people directly involved, and is the sole duty of those directly involved, to communicate to each other clearly. Airing it out angrily to all littles seems a bit selfish. Airing it out to all littles seems like an easier way for one person to deal with an apparent queue of potential candidates at an audition. With all due respect, and this is only an opinion of course, but It seems cold. 

 

Maybe there could be a need for a general consensus on how healthy relationships start. Discussions like that are always important and we should all be open to learning and listening to other's opinions ----Dom's and sub's, Caregiver's and little's alike. But maybe there's a difference between insulting someone's relationship-building/communication technique and constructively critiquing it. And maybe that difference is in the tone and patience level.

 

I understand that the implementation of rules and punishment plays an important role in the dynamic for many within this lifestyle; not all, but many. And for some, i'm sure, those rules and punishments are handed out harshly because that is the style to which parties involved had consented to. But if we're discussing a general consensus for etiquette and behavior within DDlg/CGl dynamics, where nurturing and affection is the principal, most common style of communicating and exerting dominance (it is in fact the widely recognized defining element of this branch of D/s), then maybe these opinions could be shared in a still firm, but more nurturing, loving, affectionate way in order to cultivate and develop the best results.

Edited August 24, 2016 by ZenDaddy

[ConstantMouth951]

I was so happy to see this topic.

 

I think in general, both CG's and little's at times assume and jump into things without spending a decent amount of time getting to know each other and finding the proper person. Ddlg is so intimate, littles so trusting, caregivers so responsible that the fact that some people blindly dive in is astounding. That being said I know, I have done it too. Just rushing to get to the good parts and skipping over learning my partner's intentions as well as setting clear Boundaries and expectations.

 

As with any intimate relationship you have really know the person before you can make a well informed decision about ur relationship. It's hard to be patient when ur excited about the possibilities and some one new, but ur relationship will be all the better for it.

 

I get very frustrating with people on both sides auto-subbing/auto-doming. The title (be it Daddy, mommy, or baby boy, little girl) holds

Such weight and gives power, you have to we careful not the throw it around.

[LoralieHaze]

I'm going to do exactly what I did in the topic that this one is a response to: spread the blame around to both sides. 

 

Let me state for the record that there are daddies who rush way too quickly into things as well. I'm not even referring to the predatory ones here, but the ones who are just now discovering this lifestyle and don't know where to start. It can't be just me who has seen men, usually younger but not always, announce that they have a little within hours of posting a personal ad. They're also the ones that within a few more hours, or sometimes days, announce their heartbreak over the end of their relationship. The point I'm trying to make here is that all the things that people are complaining that little girls do, daddies do those same things. No single role or gender holds a monopoly on sketchy/questionable/rude behavior.

 

Additionally, for every little chomping at the bit to find a caregiver, there is someone who will gladly take advantage of them. I am personally guilty of calling a man Daddy right away because he told me to. I wasn't even looking for a daddy but he knew that I was inexperienced with this and therefore easy to use. Most of you are probably aware that this sort of thing happens every day but a few might need a reminder.

 

Yes, some people need to take responsibility for being naive and trying to jump into this head first, but we CANNOT place the blame squarely on their shoulders. Some of the onus has to be on us, the community, for not actively encouraging new people to make education their first priority. I often feel like I'm alone in telling others to slow down and do some research in order to protect themselves.

 

Just like I mentioned in Lele's thread, we need to take into account that new members are going to make mistakes and again, we need to cut the noobs some slack. If someone is brand new to DDlg, we cannot expect them to automatically know that it's unacceptable to call strangers by pet names, whether those names are Daddy or babygirl, Master or Princess. If we see someone doing this, we need to tell them why it's a problem and then tell them to stop. I know that can be awkward or uncomfortable so let me remind you all that we can also report people who cross that boundary with us. (The mods are here for a reason and they do a great job.)

 

What really grinds my gears, and no one has mentioned yet, is when someone joins the site and within minutes has written a personal ad where they say they want their potential daddy or little to teach them everything about DDlg. First of all, that is so lazy that a person can't be bothered to do their own research. Secondly, a relationship dynamic isn't going to work if you don't know what that dynamic entails. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, putting that kind of trust into a stranger is essentially setting yourself up for misinformation at best and abuse at worst.

 

One thing that we can all stop doing right away is telling people to post a personal. I see this much too often! Both caregivers and littles will express interest in immediately finding a partner and a more established member will just tell them to post a personal. I find that to be detrimental not only to the person receiving that "advice", but to the community at large. When that's the only thing they're being told, how they going to learn that they're approaching this in the wrong way? What we should do instead is remind those people that this isn't a dating site and suggest to them that they take their time in learning about DDlg before engaging in it. Some will obviously ignore us, just as some blatantly ignore the forum guidelines, but I believe it's worth making the effort for who have pure intentions but lack direction. I also believe that educating new members can greatly benefit everyone here by making the community even more friendly and welcoming than it already is.

[Guest Prat]

I completely agree with both of the topics in question. It's good to spread awarness on frenzying and fake Carrers / littles.

[Little Illy]

What really upsets me with this flaw in these mindsets are how detrimental this action can be.

I can't speak as a Daddy - but when I have "Daddies" talking to me very nicely and as a friend for a bit and then they start confessing feelings? Its off-putting, but manageable. Its when they start declaring how awesome it would be to build something with you and blah blah blah only to turn around an hour later and start a "serious" relationship with someone else. Solely because they want instant gratification. I would like to say I'm above that - but when "Daddy" after "Daddy" does this, it starts to wear on your self-esteem. It makes you think "was there any true friendship there, or did they just want someone to say 'I love you'?"

And I see that with overactive littles. A Daddy friend of mine told me how upsetting it can be when he has to tell so many littles that no, a week is not enough to jump into Love and a DDlg relationship in its entirety. He said it was exhausting because it made him feel cheap, like all he was good for was the title and not the person who he was.

I sympathize with you, Daddies so much because littles can be wildly enthusiastic and clingy, which I would assume can make it worse.

I personally don't understand how a little can trust a Daddy so quickly after a few hours or a couple days. Like, you wouldn't trust an acquaintance with your banking information, would you? No? Then why would you trust an acquaintance with a part of you that is so essential to your core being? It just doesn't make sense to me.