how to help a Big get into Big space?

[dawn]

Hi! I was just wondering if there are ways to help a Big get into Big space? There's a thread on how to help a little get into little space (if i remember correctly) but—correct me if i'm wrong—there isn't an 'updated' thread (or maybe not even made yet?) on how to help a Big get into Big space. Any contribution would be helpful!

[Guest algernon]

Note: reductionism, generalities, and personal/anectodal experience abound in this post.

 

Not everyone who identifies as a little or a big identifies with the concepts of little space or big space, and even for those who do, the moods or traits or activities people commonly decide for themselves to associate with those spaces make little space more of a "thing" anyway, since - acting like a child needs to be kept separate from real life, while a big can go on "adulting" without any transition needed. Additionally, being "big" for me is not an activity or a headspace, but simply one way of describing part of who I am and who I try to be, something I have observed to be common enough in others to be another reason for the differences between discussion of little vs big space.

 

That's not to say there's no compartmentalization going on, but as a man my core genetic programming already contains the base imperatives 1) procreate, 2) protect, and 3) provide. "Big space" is not a thing for me, but if my focus happens to be elsewhere when I am needed for protection or provision (in physical or emotional terms, in the form of attention or advice, for comfort or counsel, to nourish or play or whatever), simple communication of such needs works best.

 

Putting on an onesie and asking to watch something Disney or hopping into someone's lap are clear signals of something, but the more specific and direct the communication, the more specific and direct the results. A clear statement of "I have X need" or "will you provide Y for me" can result in a much more efficient route to "big-mode activated, target acquired" than trying to figure out how properly open and run the "big space" application. Or contrast giving a ride to someone who doesn't know how to get home with trying to train a dog that really wants to be a good dog. Especially when you reward and encourage such behavior with cuteness, cuddles, kindness, and most importantly, the words, "Thank you! That was exactly what I needed!"

 

If little space is about doing certain things because you feel a certain way, big space is about feeling a certain way because you do certain things. That feeling of being "big" readily follows the action of being a caregiver, so if you want to bring out that feeling in someone, don't over complicate it; help them get right down giving you the care you want, let them see the difference it makes, and express gratitude. Then they feel big, want to do even more, and there's your handy positive feedback cycle.

Edited August 19, 2016 by algernon

[atxDD]

For me it's definitely someone having needs I can help with.  Attention, affection, bills, help thinking through a problem, you name it.  When I can be a caretaker, I am one for my little.

[dawn]

Note: reductionism, generalities, and personal/anectodal experience abound in this post.

Not everyone who identifies as a little or a big identifies with the concepts of little space or big space, and even for those who do, the moods or traits or activities people commonly decide for themselves to associate with those spaces make little space more of a "thing" anyway, since - acting like a child needs to be kept separate from real life, while a big can go on "adulting" without any transition needed. Additionally, being "big" for me is not an activity or a headspace, but simply one way of describing part of who I am and who I try to be, something I have observed to be common enough in others to be another reason for the differences between discussion of little vs big space.

That's not to say there's no compartmentalization going on, but as a man my core genetic programming already contains the base imperatives 1) procreate, 2) protect, and 3) provide. "Big space" is not a thing for me, but if my focus happens to be elsewhere when I am needed for protection or provision (in physical or emotional terms, in the form of attention or advice, for comfort or counsel, to nourish or play or whatever), simple communication of such needs works best.

Putting on an onesie and asking to watch something Disney or hopping into someone's lap are clear signals of something, but the more specific and direct the communication, the more specific and direct the results. A clear statement of "I have X need" or "will you provide Y for me" can result in a much more efficient route to "big-mode activated, target acquired" than trying to figure out how properly open and run the "big space" application. Or contrast giving a ride to someone who doesn't know how to get home with trying to train a dog that really wants to be a good dog. Especially when you reward and encourage such behavior with cuteness, cuddles, kindness, and most importantly, the words, "Thank you! That was exactly what I needed!"

If little space is about doing certain things because you feel a certain way, big space is about feeling a certain way because you do certain things. That feeling of being "big" readily follows the action of being a caregiver, so if you want to bring out that feeling in someone, don't over complicate it; help them get right down giving you the care you want, let them see the difference it makes, and express gratitude. Then they feel big, want to do even more, and there's your handy positive feedback cycle.

That was a great response and really does answer my question, despite it being of your own experience. Thank you for the helpful response!

[Guest algernon]

That was a great response and really does answer my question, despite it being of your own experience. Thank you for the helpful response!

You're welcome! I'm glad it helps answer things. Regarding personal experience, while there are certain universal truths (like communication is good), nebulous and subjective concepts like big space can vary so much from person to person that sometimes the best one can say is "well, here's what I've seen work pretty well". Good luck in your endeavors to bring out that side in others.