Help! How not to go back a bad daddy? :(

[baby_k]

I have had on/off relationship to my now ex for bit over a year. We both were newbies to DDlg but both liked the idea even I was more hesitant. We still started trying it and I really fell in love with the idea of it. Our relationship on the other hand was rocky, and started bringing my long gone depression back. I started having panic attacks and I have been crying more this year than in my whole life in total.... He once grabbed me (I was pushing his buttons, I admit), prioritized other women over me, did not want to spend his holiday with me and so on. All those he did apologize at some point afterwards. Because of all these I did not agree that he could be my Daddy even I hoped nothing more than that as I truly love him.

 

And for few last weeks he started to really improve his behavior and be really kind towards me. I really started hoping that our rel could work and we could get to the DDlg relationship as I was starting to trust him more. But today we broke up. Or he broke up from me. And he said that he would get me arrested after I had stated that I would just want to break something in his apartment because I got so mad as he seemed so cold. Not best behavior from me.

 

I just miss him so bad. And I have some twisted addiction to him. How can I stop myself from contacting him? I know he is attracted to me (our rel has always been really physical) and probably could get him sleep with me easily. How I stop myself from doing that? I have done it several times before and it seems like never ending cycle. He hurts me, I slash at him, we break up, I miss him and then do whatever it takes to get his attention, then we try again our rel.

 

I just want a Daddy who loves me and tries to help me with my own demons. He was never that but I still seem to hope that he could do that to me.

[PenguinPrincess418]

baby k, I know that you may miss him. but dont go back to him. he does not sound like a nice person in general let alone a nice daddy. you need to move on, go after another daddy who will take care of you. find support in others like me! I would love to mentor and teach you and just help you!

[Antoinette]

I sympathise so much with this and I am so sorry this is happening - I know exactly how you feel. I was in an on and off relationship with a guy for a year and he would always break up with me for reasons that were bizarre now that I look back on them. The simple fact of the matter is you can't allow yourself to get stuck in the loop of going back to him, I know how it feels when your depressed (I have Bipolar) and you just want to cling onto someone you love, even if it's toxic. It will eat you up, it will make you feel worse in the long run - trust me.

What you need to do is completely block him out of your life until you're over him, nothing good will come out of still talking to him - it will just make you cling onto false hope and that isn't good for your mental state. Concentrate on doing things you love, get involved with activities, maybe do some volunteer work if you have the time, help other people - it takes your mind off yourself. Create things, make cute trinkets for your friends or family - spend a lot of time with your friends and family. Make sure you know the reasons you are not with him and every time you get the urge to talk to him tell yourself that it's not worth it, you have to do this for yourself. I promise you, you will be happier in the long run and your mental state will be much more stable.

 

If you ever need to, you can always message me - I hope everything works out. Stay strong, really strong - you're gonna need to [: 
 

Edited August 14, 2016 by xAntoinette

[stargirl]

Never justify his actions. You have to realize that he's a liar and that none of this is your fault. It is hard, but physical distance helps, as does cutting off all communication.

[Guest MissNMTX]

Please, please don't go back to him.  It sounds like a  co-dependent abusive relationship.  So many women fall victim because its disguised as love.  Understand that none of this is your fault...you are never to blame for someone else's actions! It doesn't matter if you out right hit him. He's not allowed to hit you back.

 

If you give yourself time and distance , spend time with other people in things you love in time you'll start to feel like your best self again and a good true Daddy will find you.

[Fighter-Wolf]

Sadly, I must say that what you described sounded like the usual cycle of a toxic/abusive relationship. 

 

http://66.media.tumblr.com/554bc346d0146576884a4f6163e312a5/tumblr_nbo3xhMLeh1rlsu93o1_500.jpg

 

If you're aware of it, you know that relationship doesn't have chances to be good for any of you.

 

It can hurt right now, but sometimes a bit of pain it's better, specially if the other option is long-term pain that will make you feel bad about yourself.

[atxDD]

If you wanting to break things isn't normal, take that as a sign that this isn't normal.

[Guest whatever]

Unfortunately I know exactly how you feel. But please listen to me when I say this; do NOT return to him. Guys like him do not change no matter how much you try to convince yourself or bargain with them. They manipulate you to get what they want from you and leave when they're done. And you are left feeling like the guilty party.

What you need to do is work on you. Spend some time being single to really focus on you, because if you throw yourself into a new relationship you will never get over the abusive guy. Learn to move on from him and when the time is right you will meet a great guy who will be so much better for you.

No matter how good the sex is, a relationship cannot be purely physical. It's addictive but it's not healthy. 

If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to message me. 

[Guest QueenJaylen]

Okay first off been there done that so I get you feel like you love him and you feel like he loves you but honestly, you'll find out it was never really healthy for you. Someone who brings back something that you were more than likely getting over then they are never a good thing.As his Significant Other putting anyone over YOU is never okay, but you loved him and you put up with him and you gave him a very important role in your life. You were angry and you are a woman and we react not in the best way sometimes but we react so now I'm saying if you feel bad about threatening him DON'T if he could change up on you that quick it was never real.

 

So, here comes the advice everyone may not agree with this but do what you want. Follow your heart because DEEP DEEP down you know what is healthy for you and what you really really need and no one else can tell you that except yourself. You will not find someone like him to help you with your demons because he doesn't want to and honestly no disrespect the way he sounds he probably can't handle them you want someone who can handle you, and your goddamn demons but not only handle them but help you with them cause I know damn sure that's what I need and how good do you think it is for you to be slashing someone and then breaking up with them every time you have an issue? So, remember you matter now and in the long run matter because today's decisions will affect your tomorrow and everyday after whether it's good or bad I hope you take everything I said into consideration.

I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR YOU     if you ever need to talk I'm here for you

Edited August 15, 2016 by QueenJay

[Princess-P]

So this is obviously a toxic relationship. And the feeling of "love" is not real. Probably caused by a fear of being alone. Your tricking yourself into thinking you want him when reality is probably that you don't want to be single or take a risk with someone new. Sort of a go with what you know strategy.

 

Unfortunately nothing any if us can say will stop you from going back to him. You already know its a bad relationship. You already know going back is a mistake. And you already know all the reasons why it won't ever work. And yet if you don't change your pattern of behavior you will just go back and repeat the cycle.

 

Since this keeps happening I'd say deal mental help. You know your putting yourself in the same situation again and again and the only way to stop it is to dig into why you do it. You admit that you start the pattern again, so there lies the problem. Why?. None of us can answer that for you, you can only answer for yourself and it may take a professional to help you get there.

[baby_k]

Thank you so much everybody! My need to get back with him seems to increase sometimes and sometimes I feel almost fine with the situation (funny to say that after a day.....). I made a decision to always when I want to contact him to first read this topic. I have a lot to think and it truly melts my heart that people here are so helpful and kind <3 I will probably answer a bit better when I have more time and I have processed what you all have said. Now I just try to find tons of stuff to do as my normal pattern is to think too much, feel miserable and then the missing becomes too much for me to handle. Like today I have already at least 5 times figured all sort of "good" reasons to contact him ._. None of them really are good when I think them now but when I'm thinking them, they always seem like "reasonable and adult like things to do".

[Fighter-Wolf]

You're making a good progress by just noticing what's better for you.

 

If you feel like you're about to contact him, you can try to do something else instead. Something that could make you feel less anxious would be helpful. Whatever it is, videogames, coloring, listening to music, is quite helpful if it can make you feel better and prevents you to contact him.

[Billiomaire]

My solution for getting out of bad mental habits is to blend in a touch of hope with determination that I deserve better, and I owe it to future me to pick someone better than last time. I also have a strong dislike for repeating myself, so making different mistakes each time has always been more appealing >

[Guest Officedad]

Don't replace him for someone else until you have resolved your feelings for him. Try to get rid of every way to contact him saved emails and numbers etc. Remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel.