heavy topic that is triggering and I'm stupid

[Guest ammy]

I'm probably going to rant .. so I'm sorry this may be long.

But I really don't believe there is a future for me, or even someone to love. I've had depression going on 10 years now, along with social phobia,anxiety, and ptsd.

I don't like reality. That's why I try to hide in my own little space, but I haven't been little in months. I don't want to look at how horrible reality is, and so I never leave my house. I was dropped from high school due to my multiple hospitalizations, never got my ged, don't drive. I just stay at home and imagine a world id want to live in.

recently my world has been from the game Undertale. I want to wake up in that world. I want to be able to have whatever- Sans there caring for me. But I can't have any of that in this world.

Yes, I have a therapist, Yes, I have a psychiatrist. But nothing helps. I do bad things to try to feel okay, but then I'm forced into another day.

I'm just really, really close to the edge. and "DDLG" forums aren't the best place for this but I have no one to talk to..

I want to wake up in a different world, one where I am loved , and I can love back. This life of mine has been nothing , all I've been is a doll , handed down over and over. Used again over and over.

The only reason I have kept alive this long was because I'm a fool that believed in love but now I know that it doesn't exist for me. I'm a fool and my existence is a waste. No amount of pills can fix me now, and now I don't even know what I'm even talking about.

People try to help and realize I'm a lost cause. "But I'm not like that", is a lie. I don't know what to do. All I do is sleep.

I just want to wake up somewhere else

[Guest annemarie]

hey i just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. 

 

before i found my oniichan, i felt exactly the way you do, so i completely understand where you're coming from. and you're probably sick of hearing this, but it does get better. sometimes it just takes awhile. i went through a lot before i found my oniichan and happiness, so i really do understand where you're coming from. 

 

i also want you to know that i love you and care about you and if you ever need to vent to someone, just drop me a message just know you're loved and cared about and i want to be your friend if that counts for anything, so don't count everyone out just yet <3

[Little Quinn]

This is coming from someone who suffers from Chronic Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety, ADD, and ADHD, right now, you have a little bully in your head kicking you down and trying to hurt you. I know you're tired, but don't let that bully win. I know how hard it is, to keep fighting, to want to wake up and be somewhere else, to think the life you are living has no other side of the mountain. That it's a treacherous climb with no hope for tomorrow.

 

As someone who has taken herself from and hell and back to hell again quite a few times, it gets better.

 

What you're fighting? That's no easy fight...believe me, I know. 

 

It is a road less traveled, no matter who it is, every fight is different, every fight hurts differently. You have to do your best to just fight one more day, I know it's hard but just hang in there, you aren't alone. 

 

You should know, there is someone who loves (me included), and you matter. You matter so much. I'll extend the same off AnneMarie did, if you ever need someone to talk to, drop me a friend Request and a message.  

 

You seem like a sweet person and I'd love to get to know you better. :3

Edited August 6, 2016 by Little Quinn

[Guest ammy]

ah I didn't think I would get any reply but you are both so kind it's making me cry .. I'm really happy that you have found your happiness, and I'm happy you're here just to give me a little hope even though I'm some stranger on the Internet

I really don't know what to say. you've both said such beautiful things and you've gone through so much, but it's still so hard for me to believe I can exist like you can. But thank you because I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't posted this, and you hadn't replied.. I wish I could hug you because for once I don't feel so lonely

[Little Quinn]

By the way, I think everyone sits at home and imagines a world we'd like to live in. 

 

My world, no one fights, the world is peaceful, there's enough food, clean water, and health care for anyone that wants/needs it. There's no famine, no war, just peace, love and harmony (as cliche as that sounds). No one is judged for how they look, and only on who they are as a person. No one cares if your fat, or skinny. So long as you're healthy, in the mind and soul.  

 

Everyone imagines a "better" world, but the thing that matters is how we deal with the world we were given, and make the best of it. It's not easy, but it's possible. :3

[Guest Mister Grey]

Im not going to pretend to know anything about what your going though.  I don't know how you feel or how to get you out.  What I do know is that in the short time I have been here in this forum, I have seen person after person, reach out to people with all sorts of problems, all sorts of questions and all without judgement.

 

Life is harder for all, some worse than others, but I promise there are people out there that even if they cant relate to your situation, they will at least listen.

[Guest AngelicKitten]

Hello there. I want you to know even though I don't know what you're going through that you're not alone. 

I have depression and I had issues with self harm. There were days I just wanted to give up and I won't lie sometimes I still do. 

But I learned that no one can change my life for me... only I can. I needed to learn to love myself first before anything else.

 

So even if you think that you're a lost cause... YOU'RE NOT!!!

 

You're beautiful and kind and a gentle soul. I mean I would love to be your friend! Shoot I would just love to make you smile.

In my opinion your awesome and WHO CARES if you don't have you high school diploma or can't drive? I'm 22 and I never went to college and I still can't drive to this day. 

Don't put yourself down okay? I know it's easier said then done but jut know that you're loved and as you can see above my post people really do care about you.

 

Feel free to send me a PM and I can add you to my Skype.

Edited August 6, 2016 by AngelicKitten

[LoralieHaze]

*Humongous hugs* I also dropped out of high school because of health problems (although it was physical), was hospitalized for depression multiple times, never got my GED, and never learned to drive. I even have social anxiety too! I know what you're going through and I know how frustrating it is. Life will never be perfect but it can be more enjoyable, or at least more manageable. When I was 12, I didn't want to live to see 13, and here I am at 26. Although I'm currently in a downswing, this has been one of the best, most happiest years of my life. You can't give up!

 

If you need to escape reality by using your imagination, do it! If that makes you feel better and gets you through your day, do it! This is kind of embarrassing but when I'm feeling like things are just too much for me to bear, I fantasize about what it would be like to be in a relationship with one of my many celebrity crushes. I know that's silly and some people might side-eye me because of it but it always helps me cope, even in my darkest days. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live in a video game if that's what keeps you hanging on. Your imagination is something that needs to be cherished, something that no one can take away from you.

 

Feel free to add me and send me a message if you ever want to talk because I'm definitely willing to listen. 

[littlebylittle]

Hello!

Oh that's terrible... Here, you can touch my fluffy blue star, it gives a touch of happiness .

 

It's difficult for me to say anything as I have no clue about mental illness. Hence I will talk from my own (meager) experience.

 

I think it will (probably) get better, as other have stressed. You are only 19. The good news is, mechanically, you will probably feel better as times passes. Teenage years, etc., are not the easiest years. That's how things are, when you get older, you harden and become less emotional, you get less up and downs. I have no idea if you can be healed or whatever, but the emotions will have a less stronger grip on you. You will face other challenges - but that you will discover in time ;D (spoiler: aging is not so great). So, hang on !

 

You say you are a doll that has been used. But you can really have more control that you think. What you need to do is to act. Of course, if you are in a depression, it's easier said than done.

 

I'm pragmatic, so here are some suggestions:

-Go outside, more often - it requires an effort, but it  really helps in order to feel 'alive'

-Do sports - something you like - but move. Don't stay in front of this screen. I understand that video games are cool (and Undertale is a great game), but your body needs movement

-Read philosophy - great minds have thought about deep stuffs, maybe you can learn from them (even summary are OK no need to break your heads). I would recommend the existentialists - basically they say that life is meaningless, but it's up to you to give it meaning. When I was young I thought philosophy was bullshit, but there are deep stuffs there. It's quite logical if you think about it - you aren't the first and the last to get issues with life.

-Find a way to express yourself, be it in writings, the arts, etc.

-Don't focus too much on love. You are more than an object of love and someone who gives love.

-You can do great things, you have no idea. And yeah, maybe you are 'batshit crazy', but many great artists, intellectuals, people in general were, and they had so much positive impact on other's life...

 

I hope it helps.

I would be glad to discuss with you, and I would be pleased if you want to get in touch with me - I'm not offering you my compassion, I'm asking your attention . Because you're maybe a stranger, but I'm sure I can learn something from you, and you can bring something to my life, and hopefully, maybe I can bring you something in return.

 

Here, touch my blue star one more time... !

 

Twinsen

[littlelili]

hi there.

I might not be the best person to answer, but I do understand that everyone has their own issues and shadows to carry. But you're not alone. Don't you ever think you are, there are people who care about you and that don't want to give up on you. If you want to be helped they will be there for you. Never stop giving them a chance to help you. Don't believe for a second that you are a lost cause.

Most of the time I don't enjoy reality as well. I'm afraid of violence and the bad things that happen everyday in the world. It makes me sad and scared. And I also find relaxing to imagine a different place to be.

I don't know if you would like to, but my advice is to start doing something creative about this world you are creating. Start writing something about it, like a short story. Draw a graphic novel, blog it like if you were there. There might be an awesome writer inside you that is trying to rise!!!

Art will help you a lot with your anxiety. I mean it.

Once you start to feel better you will feel that the pieces of reality will start to fit.

 

Hope to hear from you soon, and that things will get better.

hugs x

[Guest lil-kitten22]

Feeling this way can be so hard... even people who have the same problems, same conditions, will never know exactly how YOU feel; and that's a good thing. THAT is what makes You YOU! 

YOU ALONE has made it this far; YOU HAVE shown amazing STRENGTH to do so. It can be hard to keep finding the strength to keep going but I have a few tactics that might work. 

• When you feel like you have lost all your strength, cry. Lay down, or take a bath, and just cry. Cry until you fall into a good sleep. You can wake up feeling refreshed that you got all those tears and (some hopefully all) sadness out. 
• If you feel alone, write a list of those who care about you. This can be hard if you feel like no one cares. But think back, any person who has ever done a caring act has cared about you! This could be a teacher at school, a relative, a friend, even someone you have met here. Maybe a pet you came and cuddled you when you were down. Every day try to add someone to your list. 
• Make a list of "blessings," things you have that not everyone does, this can  make you feel better as well. You can start off really easy. You have internet. You have shelter. You have people wanting to help you.

Don't kick yourself about not having a GED. My favorite thing to say is "School will always be there."  When being pestered at home about going to college and my job not paying enough, I look at my mom (she is dying of cancer) and I tell her "School will always be there; you won't" 

Cherish what you have now. School can wait until you are ready, and you can always find online classes.

 

Not knowing how to drive is something so small. When you are ready/able to learn to drive, feel blessed! 

Some people (including me) have seizure disorders. If we can't go 6 months without having a seizure we can try for a license...BUT if we have a seizure we have to go another 6 months seizure free. 

 

Anxiety is horrible, everyone who has it or has helped someone with it knows that. A good trick that I learned and has helped others is doing something easy and repetitive that doesn't require thought. For me I like to use zipper bracelets, the zipper never comes unhooked so you can zip and un-zip as much as you want!

Another good method is to "ground" yourself. In the area around you locate something you can See, something you can smell, something you hear, something you can touch/feel, and just breathe. 

 

I hope I was able to help some, I would be happy to be here for you if you ever need it 

[jndl17]

Hi just wanted to say that I have an Idea of what your going threw Have always fought with depression and ptsd that had the craziest anxiety that at times defiantly caused me to hide from all reality for years at a time sometimes ... like everyone I have know Idea what your going threw as all of or situations are different and our own ... And I want to remind you that we are all perfect and special in our own amazing ways ... I am at times really shy for example I was so moved by your post  that it brought me to tears to hear about  the pain you are going threw... And has taken me a few days to write this post as its public and I tend to be a private person And things like this make me anxious ... like everyone else here I want you to know that your not alone and never will be unless you choose to be ...

 

 until April of this year things had been pretty low for a few years and by a few I mean most of My life Im 38 Sad I know lol... in April I was offered a opportunity That has completely turn my life around An opportunity that is for me is a blessing and truly the best gift i have ever been given... And the reason for that is because I learned about mindset and personal development threw the opportunity... was reintroduced to inspirational and motivational  speakers like Jim Rohn he is a legendary speaker and has changed my life he has a business back ground so in his lectures he tends to use business examples ... But they relate to every day life and to me just make so much sense he makes life so simple... 

 

my main reason for making this post is because i want to let people know About Jim Rohn I Have no affiliation with him other than he has changed my life and is My mentor now..He is an older man and has passed now but Is like a Grandpa figure to me... i would like to ask you and any other little or Mommy Daddy really anyone that is like us to Please please search Jim Rohn - Five major pieces of life  puzzle  on youtube... I would ask that you pay close attention and take notes lol but even if you just listen to it  in the back ground... years ago my negativity I would have believed that there was no one that could help me  and wouldn't have taken the time to listen...  i wish I hadn't have been so stubborn... life would have been so different... was kinda pushed at the opportunity and am so glad I was lol... don't get me wrong there is still low days July was rough because my internet was down Im actually listen to the you tube video now...lol and is why I have  the inspiration to write this post...

 

Sorry that this is a sad topic on a brighter  note Im so glad to have found this site and like minded people like me looking forward to making new friends feel free to add me as a friend as well as any one that has read this that would like to be friends or know more about the opportunity that changed my life ...