Lost Little Girl

[LoralieHaze]

I'm usually more of an advice-giver than an advice-taker so this is difficult for me to express 

 

I was in denial about being into DDlg for 2-3 years and when I finally came to terms with it in the beginning of April, it made me so happy. Always smiling, giggling, and just generally enjoying life. Even when two different people hurt my heart, I didn't let it get to me or break my spirit. It was so much fun to feel little and embrace this part of myself that I had once questioned and felt ashamed about. I hadn't been this happy in at least 4 years, if not longer.

 

All these good feelings continued until around the middle of July. Ever since then, I have been almost as depressed as I was at the start of the year. Not smiling, giggling, or enjoying life. I don't know how to describe how I feel other than deflated, like something or someone popped my happiness balloon. The strange thing is that there's no reason for it. I'm not doing anything differently now than I was then. Nothing has happened in the past few weeks to instigate my sadness, it just showed up uninvited. I've had clinical depression for such a long time and I thought that I was finally making a breakthrough in my treatment but I guess that's not the case 

 

I'm still doing all my little girl things (coloring, watching cartoons, collecting stuffies, etc) but it's not giving me the joy that it did before. I'm having a really hard time getting into little space too, even if I wear my binkie or watch Doc McStuffins, two things that usually do the trick. Another unfortunate side effect is that it's making me want to isolate myself and not talk to anyone, no matter how much I like them or enjoy our conversation. Because I am currently in such a bad place emotionally, I'm questioning whether or not I want to find a daddy. I was actively looking for one before but now I'm unsure. I know it wouldn't be fair to any guy to get into a relationship while I'm feeling so down in the dumps all the time and not wanting to communicate.

 

Here's the part where y'all come in. Do you have any ideas about what could be wrong with me? Or any suggestions about how I could feel better? Or even just some general encouragement? Thank you for reading this. I'm sorry it's so long and rambling    

[Guest annemarie]

it sounds to me like what you're experiencing is depression and depression only. there's nothing wrong with you you're just going through a tough time. when i'm going through a tough time, i don't wanna do any of the little things i usually enjoy either. there's definitely nothing wrong with you and i'm sure once you feel a little better, you'll feel the same way you did before

[Identikit]

I'm so sorry

 

You're the best person, I hate that you have this to deal with

 

Write

[Guest tempest]

Though I can't really say for certain, I feel you are depressed. You may have had a break from the depression upon finding your little inside, but once the new wore off, you once again find yourself struggling with your depression. Have you sought out a counselor or doctor?

I think good daddies understand depression, but they can't fix it, so I think you should see your doctor. I hope you are able to be happy soon, I know the struggle with this is disheartening.

[Guest MissNMTX]

It sounds like just a nasty case of depression. It sometimes just shows up for no reason to wreck havoc in your head. I did have a thought, but it might not make sense. You've just gone through an emotional high where you were relived, happy, and at your best. I don't know your clinical history, but maybe this is just you coming down, leveling out. Sort of like when you had a great vacation and then you have to go back to work and suddenly the whole world is horrible. I hope that makes sense and that its not offensive. I'm just hoping its not really bad and its something you can work through. *hugs*

[atxDD]

Depression can kill sexual desire and habits.  It's also really hard to feel little when things feel wrong or scary.

[LoralieHaze]

Thank you to (almost) everyone who replied. I think you're right that it's just been my depression rearing its ugly head again. That's the only logical explanation. Despite a moderate setback, I am starting to feel more like my little self again. I don't know if I'll ever be at the same place that I was before, but I do have faith that things can be better with the help of mindfulness, a positive attitude, and frilly socks 

 

It sounds like just a nasty case of depression. It sometimes just shows up for no reason to wreck havoc in your head. I did have a thought, but it might not make sense. You've just gone through an emotional high where you were relieved, happy, and at your best. I don't know your clinical history, but maybe this is just you coming down, leveling out. Sort of like when you had a great vacation and then you have to go back to work and suddenly the whole world is horrible. I hope that makes sense and that its not offensive. I'm just hoping its not really bad and its something you can work through. *hugs*

 

This actually makes perfect sense and I think you probably hit the nail on the head. When I was first discovering all of this, it was new and exciting because not only was I learning so much about myself and the way that I've felt for most of my life, I was exploring things that I never even considered before. I'm still eagerly learning and exploring now, but I kind of feel like I have my own littleness more or less figured out. Even if the "honeymoon phase" may be over, I am completely sure that DDlg is right for me and I won't give up on it. 

[TheGambler]

Surely is depression, as many people told you yet,. Anyway this is perhaps a silly question but are you sure that these incidents with two persons that hurted you are really healed? Sometimes when we are in high spirits bad things look light (or we just tend to avoid thinking at that) but later can be a burden. 

[LoralieHaze]

Surely is depression, as many people told you yet. Anyway this is perhaps a silly question but are you sure that these incidents with two persons that hurted you are really healed? Sometimes when we are in high spirits bad things look light (or we just tend to avoid thinking at that) but later can be a burden. 

 

It's not silly, it's actually a good question. But in light of recent events, it's something that I would rather discuss privately than publicly. 

Edited August 18, 2016 by LittleKittenLo