Sad little asking for advice..

[Guest cottoncandyheart]

Hi, my daddy/boyfriend and I are in a LDR relationship of a year and a half, I love him to pieces. At the start of our relationship he was crazy about me, always complimenting me, saying he loves me, how much he wants to be with me. For the past few months this hasn't been happening hardly at all. Back in January and a few months after he went through a very bad spell of depression which led him to barely even speak to me, let alone do any of these things. I helped him how I could and he is a lot better now. He also has a very very hard job, working impossible hours meaning we only speak on the phone once a day with little messages here and there from him. This has been happening for months and while I feel for him working all those hours, I miss him so much. Basically I need advice because he rarely compliments me and I don't send selfies now for the fear that he won't compliment them. He only really does it when I ask how I look to him and he'll say pretty/nice but I'd love to hear 'good morning, beautiful' or just a random compliment here and there saying I look gorgeous etc, you know? He tells me he loves and misses me daily and does care for me. I just wish he would compliment me more and care about how I look.. I have very bad self-esteem issues regarding how I look and he knows that and when he compliments me these issues barely feel that they're there anymore. I have tried speaking to him many times about how I feel and he always says things along the lines of I shouldn't be the sole thing that makes you feel good, obviously you are pretty to me, etc. I just want his old self back, the affectionate one and the one that made me feel really nice. I don't know if he is doing this because he just doesn't care about how I look anymore, if he's too stressed/tired to notice etc... I'm crying right now ever since I got off the phone from him where I spoke about this stuff. I don't wanna lose him, and I do love him. Sorry if this is long. I just feel so lost and hurt, I could really use some advice. Thank you x

[Guest Foxling]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so sad! Even though you've already tried to speak with him about it, I'd suggest doing it again, and make it clear to him that it's something that's seriously bothering you. As you say, you don't know what's going on on his side (if he's stressed for example), so ask him about that as well. I know that with my Daddy sometimes I thought I was being very clear about how I felt, but it turned out that wasn't always the case, and only when I explained very concretely what his behaviour did to me, did he understand what was going on. 

 

I hope your daddy will be open to having a heartfelt conversation about this! It's really the only way to make sure the both of you know what's going on and figure out how to fix it.

 

Big hug!

[Guest LittlePeachCake]

Oh hun, I feel for you. My ex was terribly (and severely) depressed and I cared for him through that and I know how hard it is. I'm wondering if that's still part of what's going on? It can take a long time to get back to normal, and generally when a person is depressed they find it hard to focus much on others. Feel free to add me as a friend if you wanna talk x

[Guest cottoncandyheart]

Thank you both for your kind and helpful messages I will bring it up to him again, his job is incredibly stressful and tiring and I understand that but maybe that's what is causing him to act like this. Plus his depression may not be fully gone but I'll do what I can. Thanks again, I feel more positive about it already

[Guest PrincessBabygirlKittenAnge]

Sweetieeeee I'm so sorry you feel this way and are going though this. I've been through both sides of this actually.

I know how difficult it is to feel like the affection is dwindling but don't assume that's the case! I know how it feels to say 'goodbye I love you ' and then hang up the phone and start crying because nothing feels okay. And . Hopefully you can find a good time to bring it up to him, just be honest about how you feel because most likely it will have good results.

But from the other perspective, when I'm going through really bad times with my depression, it takes everything u can to just talk to people and be alive . Even if you're talking to the one you love the most in the world - it's hard to be affectionate because it's hard to be anything . And sometimes I would feel lke I don't wanna compliment my SO because in my mind it felt like nothing I said would matter anyways bc I wasn't feeling like a valuable person myself. I seriously doubt it's that he doesn't care or doesn't think you're gorgeous - it's just really hard to express that when things with depression are weighing heavily on someone like that.

When my daddy is going through some bad times with depression I try to do everything I can to cheer him up - but I can tell sometimes he's not himself. Then I talk to him honestly and always make sure I let him know I'm there for him as much as he's there for me .

Hope things get better❤ , sorry if my advice isn't all that good

[TallNerd]

Hi, my daddy/boyfriend and I are in a LDR relationship of a year and a half, I love him to pieces. At the start of our relationship he was crazy about me, always complimenting me, saying he loves me, how much he wants to be with me. For the past few months this hasn't been happening hardly at all. Back in January and a few months after he went through a very bad spell of depression which led him to barely even speak to me, let alone do any of these things. I helped him how I could and he is a lot better now. He also has a very very hard job, working impossible hours meaning we only speak on the phone once a day with little messages here and there from him. This has been happening for months and while I feel for him working all those hours, I miss him so much. Basically I need advice because he rarely compliments me and I don't send selfies now for the fear that he won't compliment them. He only really does it when I ask how I look to him and he'll say pretty/nice but I'd love to hear 'good morning, beautiful' or just a random compliment here and there saying I look gorgeous etc, you know? He tells me he loves and misses me daily and does care for me. I just wish he would compliment me more and care about how I look.. I have very bad self-esteem issues regarding how I look and he knows that and when he compliments me these issues barely feel that they're there anymore. I have tried speaking to him many times about how I feel and he always says things along the lines of I shouldn't be the sole thing that makes you feel good, obviously you are pretty to me, etc. I just want his old self back, the affectionate one and the one that made me feel really nice. I don't know if he is doing this because he just doesn't care about how I look anymore, if he's too stressed/tired to notice etc... I'm crying right now ever since I got off the phone from him where I spoke about this stuff. I don't wanna lose him, and I do love him. Sorry if this is long. I just feel so lost and hurt, I could really use some advice. Thank you x

Go  out of your way to make him feel good. And he will reciprocate; he probably is overwhelmed and his emotions are shot when we gets home. Remind yourself he loves you and if it's possible try to see him in person sometimes. A sweet little gesture will snap an overworked guy back to reality and he'll say wow, this girl really loves me, and then he'll surprise you.

[Guest cottoncandyheart]

Sweetieeeee I'm so sorry you feel this way and are going though this. I've been through both sides of this actually.

I know how difficult it is to feel like the affection is dwindling but don't assume that's the case! I know how it feels to say 'goodbye I love you ' and then hang up the phone and start crying because nothing feels okay. And . Hopefully you can find a good time to bring it up to him, just be honest about how you feel because most likely it will have good results.

But from the other perspective, when I'm going through really bad times with my depression, it takes everything u can to just talk to people and be alive . Even if you're talking to the one you love the most in the world - it's hard to be affectionate because it's hard to be anything . And sometimes I would feel lke I don't wanna compliment my SO because in my mind it felt like nothing I said would matter anyways bc I wasn't feeling like a valuable person myself. I seriously doubt it's that he doesn't care or doesn't think you're gorgeous - it's just really hard to express that when things with depression are weighing heavily on someone like that.

When my daddy is going through some bad times with depression I try to do everything I can to cheer him up - but I can tell sometimes he's not himself. Then I talk to him honestly and always make sure I let him know I'm there for him as much as he's there for me .

Hope things get better❤ , sorry if my advice isn't all that good

Your advice was so lovely and helpful! Thank you so so much, I'm definitely going to bring it up to him, communication is key <3 And thank you for letting me see the story from his side as well, it was incredibly helpful and didn't make me feel like it was all my fault while allowing me to understand how he could be feeling xx

[Guest annemarie]

as someone who struggles with depression, i know that when i'm in a depressive mood, it depends on what kind of depressive mood it is what i want (yes there are different ones). i would suggest asking him what he would like from you in terms of comfort and help or, if you're not comfortable asking (or he doesn't give a straight answer; guys are prone to doing that), then just be extra validating and supportive. a lot of the time people think that those of us who are depressed want advice on how to make it better. really a lot of the time we just want someone who will listen. of course, my experience isn't unanimous, but i thought sharing this with you might help give you ideas on how to help your daddy feel better :3