Feelings are stupid

[LittleMissIndecisive]

The Dd/lg part of my relationship is awesome and everything, but my bf isn't realizing that being a Daddy dom isn't just all "fun stuff". I would actually really like for him to pay attention to me emotionally. I have been stressing out a lot recently and I have self harmed in the past but I haven't done that in a long time and I am trying to keep it that way, but I'm getting overwhelmed. And he wants me to talk to him when I feel like I want to hurt myself but when I tell him I am getting to the point of wanting to hurt myself he gets mad at me and  says "Am I not making you happy?" and that really pisses me off because he is the only reason why I don't self harm anymore, but it's not like I can be around him 24/7 and "fun stuff" is not going to fix everything and make me feel better all of the time.I feel stupid is it so bad that I just want to hear "Everything is going to be alright princess, just go to sleep and try to relax." Instead of stuff like well would it make you feel better if I was next to you right now..."fun stuff" is sex I'm an adult Idk why I censored that. I don't know how to talk to my bf about this specific feeling, I also have social anxiety and Idk I get weird sometimes and I try to explain it but nothing comes out right. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want him listen to me and think about how I feel instead of just thinking "well that doesn't make since, well I would just... he isn't an asshole. He's my bestfriend and I love him so much. I just wish he was a little less insensitive. :c

[Guest weeniehutjr]

You need to to tell him what you're telling all of us right now. Your feelings are your feelings and your S.O should understand and respect that 100%. He's being selfish to relate everything to him and his "needs". If he doesn't understand that he needs to be there for you emotionally as well as physically, then he needs a reality check. Don't sweep your feelings under the rug just to avoid confrontation or to spare his feelings. Stick up for yourself and good luck!

[Strictly Affectionate]

I haven't heard both sides so I offer this as a possible/probable scenario.

 

I'm sure that you've explored the whys and wherefores of self-injurious behaviour, particularly cutting, so there's no need for me to expand on that other than to say "remember the things that you have learned from your past behaviour and your triggers".

 

As to your percieved lack of emotional support it appears to me that you're a part of what's commonly called an "unbalanced" (or asymmetric) relationship. I'll leave it to you to research this dynamic however it doesn't mean that one partner or the other is bad.

 

The behaviours your Daddy displays, as you describe them, may well be as a result of feelings of helplessness or lack of insight on his part when it comes to him dealing with your issues (yes, they are your issues!). As the previous contributor suggested it is up to you to find a way to explain to Daddy what you are feeling and why. Then it is up to him to learn and subsequently support you or to continue to ignore "the elephant in the room" and selfishly have his needs satisfied regardless of the consequences to you. Unfortunately, if you're not able to achieve this your relationship will remain emotionally unfulfilling for you and your mental health will continue to suffer. Never EVER remain in a toxic relationship!

 

I wish you well.

 

StrictlyAffectionate Ph.D (Psych)

[TallNerd]

The Dd/lg part of my relationship is awesome and everything, but my bf isn't realizing that being a Daddy dom isn't just all "fun stuff". I would actually really like for him to pay attention to me emotionally. I have been stressing out a lot recently and I have self harmed in the past but I haven't done that in a long time and I am trying to keep it that way, but I'm getting overwhelmed. And he wants me to talk to him when I feel like I want to hurt myself but when I tell him I am getting to the point of wanting to hurt myself he gets mad at me and  says "Am I not making you happy?" and that really pisses me off because he is the only reason why I don't self harm anymore, but it's not like I can be around him 24/7 and "fun stuff" is not going to fix everything and make me feel better all of the time.I feel stupid is it so bad that I just want to hear "Everything is going to be alright princess, just go to sleep and try to relax." Instead of stuff like well would it make you feel better if I was next to you right now..."fun stuff" is sex I'm an adult Idk why I censored that. I don't know how to talk to my bf about this specific feeling, I also have social anxiety and Idk I get weird sometimes and I try to explain it but nothing comes out right. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want him listen to me and think about how I feel instead of just thinking "well that doesn't make since, well I would just... he isn't an asshole. He's my bestfriend and I love him so much. I just wish he was a little less insensitive. :c

See your doctor and talk about your problems. Your doctor can refer you to a professional. It sounds like you could benefit from professional help and eventually you can decided whether or not to continue to date your boyfriend. He does sound a bit inconsiderate, I'll leave it at that.

[Guest PrincessBabygirlKittenAnge]

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

honestly! Like. Ugh. Sometimes all daddies want to focus on is sex! And that's great Sometimes but like people have emotions too.

But you gotta just have a dead serious talk with your daddy. Like. No cuteness and no sugar coating. Try to tell him he's nt giving you what you need out of the relationship? I'm so bad with words and talking but I just had a couple honest convo with daddy (even let some tears flow) and he actually realized I was serious and he changed. It was so difficultfor me too, but once u get through the fear and anxiety hopefully you can get good results from honesty .

You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled and yeah I'm not making much sense am I ?

Anyways just talk to him

And I know it's scary. I love my daddy so much and I didn't want to jeapordize the relationship but I talked to him and it was all great cuz he's great and he loves me too it's just difficult for him to be sensitive all the time so I have to talk real with him when I need some extra attention that isn't physical

Cheers , hope I helped at least a little. Sawwy my writing / rambling is confusing lol