the worst fight we've ever had in our relationship

[Guest raptorkitty]

So my best friend, since i was 6, recently found out that her girlfriend was cheating on her. My friend does drugs on occasion but not to the point where its an addiction in anyway. She texted me saying she needed me and that she wanted to do some. I told her she could come over here and do it if she wanted. In the past shes attempted suicide so i wanted to make sure she was okay and in my care before attempting to convince her not to do drugs to cope. 

My daddy has a zero drug tolerance and said that she is not to come over if she's doing drugs. I basically told him straight up that he doesn't have a decision in the matter. Before my friend left to my house my daddy crossed some boundaries and messaged her.... basically stating that she's lucky to have me as a friend and that she is not to do drug around me. Which made my friend feel pretty fucking shit about herself and as a friend to me. 

I snap at my daddy telling him that he is to never message her again and that he crossed a line but he didn't see what he did wrong. My friend stopped answering my messages and my first thought was that she took some pills and slit her wrists. She stopped message for quite a while, which caused me to get snappy with my daddy because he was being rude. I guess i pushed him to the point where he started saying stuff like 

        "Well then what the fuck is the point....You want to feel what it's like for me to not be there for you...You want to know the extent of my pride?!" 

 

now its silent between us... and my trust toward him is damaged because he was so focused on trying to make me not let my friend come over at any cost that he couldn't even ask if i was okay or if my friend was okay. I expressed to him many times that i was scared that she did something stupid and he just didn't care. How can i trust him....

i know i did wrong.. I shouldn't have snapped and i should have expressed my feelings better. I know i was breaking a rule of his but it wasn't like i was doing the drugs. 

 

im so lost

 

 

[♡ Death Grips ♡]

He sounds like a dick to me. Maybe it'd be best if you took a break from him. He should've known that friends/family come first. It's not always about him and you obviously knew what you were doing. He needs to piss off and realise that you have a life, friends, and morals, and he needs to respect your boundaries. 

Annie

[Spooky]

Granted snapping at someone is never the way to solve a problem, you were in the heat of the moment and you should not blame yourself!!!!!!!!!!!

He crossed some serious lines in your relationship and he needs to understand that you weren't condoning or partaking in the drugs, just being a supportive friend. 

I think all you can do is have the calm conversation you needed. Once everyone is calm and had time to collect their thoughts, tell him how his actions affected you and your friendship and your trust for him. 

I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope your friend is doing okay!

[Guest NeedToServe]

Yes he maybe crossed a line, but I'm afraid I see his point very clearly, although he expressed it in a crap way, but I assume this friend is an adult, and her problems are not your responsibility. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you aren't there to carry her and hold her hand through every life trauma. I'm not saying abandon her, or act like she doesn't matter to you, but don't treat her like a weak child. I'm sure I'm going to be burnt at the stake for daring to say that, lol, but yeah, if I said my friend was over emotional and wanted to come round for someone to take drugs with, I would hope my partner would at least express quite serious concern over that.

[Guest blah911]

sounds like the "extent of his pride" is greater than his love for you...doesn't sound like a daddy in my opinion

[HeCallsMePrincess]

honestly, although it came out all wrong clearly, I can see his point. his job is to look out for YOUR best interest. I understand wanting to be there for your friend, but it sounds more like enabling to me which isn't good for her anyway. you can still be there for her, but you have to respect his choice about drugs in the house.

[Guest friendeavors]

Your "friend" has some glaring issues that need to be addressed, you are very likely not qualified to help her.  The best thing you can do is be supportive and guide her to the help she needs instead of enabling her.

 

Do consider that those you affiliate with influence you whether you realize that or not.  Your daddy is just trying to watch out for you, you should be grateful they care but find a better way to deal with these situations in the future.

 

Just some food for thought, people aren't themselves when they take drugs and/or are emotional.  My best friend tried to stab me multiple times when he was high on cocaine one night because he was having a relationship issue.

Edited July 24, 2016 by friendeavors

[Guest raptorkitty]

Thank you everyone for your comments its helped me get a lot of different views on the topic. 

 

I'd like to just say that it was never my intention to enable her. As i just planned to convince her not to do drugs when she got here. However, I at no point can tell her what to do with her body. If i was unable to convince her to not do drugs, then the least i can do is make sure she's safe. I'd rather she be at my house while we watch a shitty movies and she can vent and cry and maybe do little. Instead of going out with her other drugged up friends doing god knows what. Maybe the chance of overdose or she gets hurt or gets raped. 

 

However, last night i was able to convince her to go out to have a couple drinks and dance instead of the drugs. she had a great time, kissed a dude, made friends and most importantly had fun. 

 

This experience only made me realize that my daddy doesn't believe in me. When i told him what was going on, instead of asking if i needed help or giving tips on how i can help her or convince her not to, he instead went behind my back and tried to handle the situation by himself. Which is heart breaking. I no longer know how to come to him with a problem in fear that he will look down on me or crucify me. Instead he made the situation worse and hurt my friend. He shouldn't have used his authority to go over me. My friend is not part of my and my daddy's dynamic. 

 

That being said i know he was only looking out for me and was scared for my well being, but in the process of trying to keep drugs away from me, he broke my trust and damaged our relationship.

[Guest NeedToServe]

There are two separate issues here. First one is that you feel the need to "mother" your friend. Not much I can say about that other than what I've already said. She is an adult who needs to grow up and take care of herself.

Second is your problem with how your daddy reacted. I actually don't think what he did was so bad. Maybe he took his daddy role a little too seriously in that moment and went too far. Have you tried talking to him calmly since? Has he behaved like this before? So he contacted her without telling you, yep, thats crap, but I'm not sure it's significant enough for you to allow it to damage your relationship.

[Princess Joe Joe]

I suffered from a very serious pill problem when me and my Papa got together. He has helped me threw that and now we have a strict no drug policy (with the exception of marijuanna and alcohol under supervision) and I am okay with that.

 

Now with that backstory in mind, I can see your point of view. You just wanna help a friend, he shouldn't be so overbearing about it and he should trust you. Right? Trust is very important and he should trust you enough to let you take care of your friend. He was taking his role, swelling with pride and not letting you do a good thing. Right?

 

Well not exactly. Your daddy was probably just scared. Scared for you, and scared for the relationship. Drugs change a person incredibly, and he doesn't want you to be caught up in that. His sole purpose, the whole reason he is a daddy is to protect YOU. To take care of YOU. Not your friend, who should be able to take care of herself anyways she's a grown woman. He is there for you and you only. We do crazy things when we are scared and when we are angry, so sure he messaged your friend but if he didn't directly tell her mean and crappy things then you nor her have any reason to let it severely damage your relationship. He was just trying to protect you and you where the one that directly denounced his authority over you. A BDSM role, rules, submission, it all runs deep. It encompasses your whole world, so even if your friend isn't a part of the relationship what you two do together still directly correlates to the rules and to your alpha. You should respect that.

 

It seems to me that you are letting YOUR feelings take rule in this, since I've noticed that you talk about how he damaged YOUR trust. But think about his trust? You denounced him, and probably took a serious jab on his pride. He probably has a hard time trusting you now.

 

I know this might now harsh and mean, but it's coming from a very good place of understanding (: My Papa once told me,"It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust them, and the world is no place for a little flower to run amuck." Which is probably how your daddy feels. I think a long talk is in order, about how deep your submission runs, how dominate you want him to be, and how to repair what was broken. On both ends of the spectrum (:

Edited July 25, 2016 by Princess Joe Joe

[Guest NeedToServe]

I suffered from a very serious pill problem when me and my Papa got together. He has helped me threw that and now we have a strict no drug policy (with the exception of marijuanna and alcohol under supervision) and I am okay with that.

Now with that backstory in mind, I can see your point of view. You just wanna help a friend, he shouldn't be so overbearing about it and he should trust you. Right? Trust is very important and he should trust you enough to let you take care of your friend. He was taking his role, swelling with pride and not letting you do a good thing. Right?

Well not exactly. Your daddy was probably just scared. Scared for you, and scared for the relationship. Drugs change a person incredibly, and he doesn't want you to be caught up in that. His sole purpose, the whole reason he is a daddy is to protect YOU. To take care of YOU. Not your friend, who should be able to take care of herself anyways she's a grown woman. He is there for you and you only. We do crazy things when we are scared and when we are angry, so sure he messaged your friend but if he didn't directly tell her mean and crappy things then you nor her have any reason to let it severely damage your relationship. He was just trying to protect you and you where the one that directly denounced his authority over you. A BDSM role, rules, submission, it all runs deep. It encompasses your whole world, so even if your friend isn't a part of the relationship what you two do together still directly correlates to the rules and to your alpha. You should respect that.

It seems to me that you are letting YOUR feelings take rule in this, since I've noticed that you talk about how he damaged YOUR trust. But think about his trust? You denounced him, and probably took a serious jab on his pride. He probably has a hard time trusting you now.

I know this might now harsh and mean, but it's coming from a very good place of understanding (: My Papa once told me,"It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust them, and the world is no place for a little flower to run amuck." Which is probably how your daddy feels. I think a long talk is in order, about how deep your submission runs, how dominate you want him to be, and how to repair what was broken. On both ends of the spectrum (:

Absolutely love this

[HeCallsMePrincess]

hun, it is NOT your job to convince your friend not to do drugs. you are enabling simply by being available. she knows you will pick her up every time. addicts need to hit rock bottom before they can climb up. I say this because I was raised by addicts. my parents met passing a tray of coke. I've been surrounded by alcoholics and drug addicts until I was only enough to choose not to be.

 

obviously, it's your choice but I think you're taking what he's doing wrong and honestly, having a drug addict in the home when he specifically said he wasn't comfortable is disrespectful to him, you and your home.

[Guest NeedToServe]

Oh, she left.