Help?? I'm confused ㅠㅅㅠ

[HanEul Ibneda]

I've been interested on the ddlg/mdlg life for a while however using the words "mommy " or "daddy" in reference to people other than my mom and dad freaks me out a lot. Everything else is pretty much the way I am (and how I've acted for years even when I'm with my very close friends). I have a boyfriend currently and we are both very much adventurous and it took me quite a while just to tell him I was bi-gendered. How do I bring up this topic and how can I explore my own little space without ever having had a caregiver and with my boyfriend being hours away in a different state?

[Guest QueenJellybean]

Hi there!

 

First of all, you can absolutely be a Little and not ever have/had a Caregiver. Some of them prefer it that way! You can also have a Caregiver that you don't call Mommy or Daddy. Many people prefer to use other terms for their partners as well.

 

As for bringing it up to your partner, I suggest finding some articles on the topic and reading them with your boyfriend. Something along the lines of: "Look, I found this thing and I want to explore it. What do you think?" You can both learn and explore together.

 

Being a solo Little is a lot easier than it sounds. Having a Caregiver is totally optional, and so is exploring your little space with long distance partner. Start exploring the things you like. What kind of movies make you feel small and happy? Check out some popular cartoons and tv shows. Experiment with cutting your food smaller, or eating a certain kind of new snack. Are you interested in pacifiers or diapers, or do you prefer to stay out of those areas? Get to know your little side. Keep a journal. Do the 30 Days of Little challenge posted in our Creative Corner. Make a tumblr and follow some Cgl blogs. Check out the forums more here! Be sure to share your findings with your boyfriend, and meet up regularly on Skype or the phone to talk about it.

 

This is a new and exciting side of you. Go explore it! <3

[DeepSpaceDaddy]

Coming to a site like this is a great start. I'm new to this myself, but the people here are good and helpful. You'll discover you're not alone in how you feel. As for liking everything except using the words "mommy" and "daddy", I can understand. It may feel like you're calling someone by the wrong name or perhaps disrespecting your RL mother and father... It might be helpful to identify "why" it freaks you out. It may help to think of "mommy" and "daddy" as titles of respect, much like a military rank, or social roles (such as friend, bestie, acquaintance, boyfriend, etc) and not a unique name that belongs to only one person.

 

However, there is nothing wrong if you just omit that one part of this whole experience. Perhaps another name could be used instead... Papa or Daddyo or.... Just "Dad". You'd have to work that out with your SO I guess. :-)

[KittensGoRawrrr]

Nothing about Cg/l relationships are "must". There are no hard, set in stone rules per se to being in this kind of relationship. You just need to explore what works for you and what makes you feel most comfortable. Never do something that you don't feel comfortable doing just because you feel like you "have to".

[pandababy]

I'm pretty sure there aren't really any rules about what has to be a part of a DDlg relationship or being a little. Everyone has to do what is best for them and their happiness (as long as it's not hurting someone else of course). That means it's play time! Read, read, read...and then read some more. lol If something sounds interesting or fun, try it!

I had the same feelings about using the title of Daddy for a long time and have only just recently been able to use it but it was my choice and not something that was forced on me, if that makes sense. You can call a Daddy lots of different things, as long as it's respectful and you both like it.

Long distance relationships are hard no matter what, but texting, calling and skype (even something like SecondLife) are great ways to keep the communication open and it is possible for it to work with patience and understanding. Read everything you can find and share it as well as your thoughts. I keep a journal that I share with my Daddy from time to time. That way I can write out everything that's on my mind without censoring myself and then he listens when I'm ready for him to know all of it. It's just a matter of finding what works for you and making adjustments as necessary. Good luck and have fun! ♥

[littlelili]

A caregiver does not necessarily needs to be called daddy or mommy if that makes you feel uncomfortable. As long as that person assumes the role of taking good care of you and be there, the name is irrelevant. The most important thing is that you both are happy with the relationship.

Additionally you can be the littlest little without a caregiver. It is something that you like, that makes you happy and a part of you.

[Grown_up_Collie]

I'm actually really glad this post was made. I've had similar thoughts and I've started making a list. I don't know if I'll be comfortable calling someone "Daddy". I think that'll be something I have to discus with my partner.

[lilsnoopy]

Calling a partner daddy/mommy can be a little odd for some people. It is completely optional though, you can find a different endearing term that captures the feels you have and expresses it, or is important to you. But if you want to try using daddy/mommy or you eventually have a partner who does you can try thinking of it in a different way. When I call my partner daddy I mean it trying to express all of the comfort, unconditional love, protectiveness, and closeness I feel and he feels that too. You can find a word that does the same thing for you that is not the stereotyped dd/lg md/lg terms.  

 

also a tip, when bringing this up to your partner it might help to not use labels and just describe what you are and what you want. Labeling things can sometimes intimidate people who don't know about this lifestyle.