Need advice from CGs that are into RP kinks

[Guest Bigginxi]

So, I have been with my little for a long while. We have been really open, and are hosting a wonderful loving relationship. We talked about the idealism of rape-play when we first started talking. A few days ago we actually partook in our first rape-play. After it was over she was left crying. She explained that part of her brain stopped working a little ways into the scene, and she couldn't remember anything. I loved on her, and we talked about our future, and the scene. We took care of each other, I was so scared that I actually hurt her. She told me that she loved it, and wanted to do it again sometime. I made it clear, that I wasn't really into the idea of it being a weekly thing, and that we needed time to think about it. Our relationship went on, and everything is great. Well, tonight she asked if we could try again. I agreed after a few minutes of thinking. After the scene tonight, she was left crying again, and I went into care mode, and loved on her, and we talked. After a bit more talking, she explained something that I am fighting myself over. Years ago, she used to self harm. She explained to me tonight that, the scene to her is almost like cutting (I am sorry for being frank), she tried to explain to me that it gives her a way to open up and let all of her emotions out. I want to take care of my little girl, but I hate seeing her cry like that. When I told her that I wanted to refrain from this type of play for a while, she almost took it as sort of a punishment. I am not trying to punish her, I just don't want to see her hurt. She explained that afterwards she feels great, her psyche is better, and she feels lighter. Her psyche is getting better at the cost of mine. Do I keep this up, and "rape" her when she "needs" it? Or do I just tell her we can't do that anymore. I have no idea what to do! Please advice helps! 

[LoralieHaze]

Did you explain to her in very direct terms how it makes you feel when you see her crying?

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

This is why often time safety nets are used as well as safe words. Sometimes it is better left to leave things in role play and not go fully into it. My dd loves the idea of cuckholding and hot wifing, but strictly in fantasy alone. Some things might need to be left in that, especially if she blacks out like that. Power play is fun, but it's not for everyone.

[Guest NeedToServe]

I cannot comment on your specific issue between you as people, that's obviously more complex than my personal experience, but in my first sub/Dom relationship I often cried afterwards.

Sex was very intense and he was not my daddy anymore, he was a rough, demanding, forceful beast. It was a release of my pent up emotions. I needed that. I got cuddles and reassurance and thats all I needed. But yes, I needed both those sides, it was just quite a jump from one to the other and messed my head up.

I would say tears are a common thing after any kind of "scene" (sorry I hate that term, lol).

[Nice_Daddy]

I have had a few masochistic littles who needed that kind of release, but it came from impact play.  (flogger, cane, paddle, etc)  I remember when I first started to explore my inner sadist and the first time I made my little girl cry.  I stopped immediately to give her comfort and reassurance.  As we lay talking she explained that the tears were not a signal for me to stop and that the next time I should just keep going.  (she was more experienced in this as I was learning from her).  I felt guilt afterwards.  As we explored this together over time I would usually have guilt the following day, about hurting someone that I loved so much.  I started to read about it and talk to other people ... sort of how you are now.  I can't tell you how many littles and submissives told me that they needed that kind of release, but there were a lot.  And I started to notice her mood change leading up to her request for some heavy impact play and also how she seemed to be much more relaxed for a long period after these "scenes".  (hate that term too, it seems so impersonal.  I was with someone I loved, not an actor)

 

Seeing her moods lighten, seeing how she was happier, realizing that I was helping her, took my guilt away.  I don't understand why she / they needed that in order to help them release those emotions.  I don't know that I will ever understand that, or that I need to.  All I do know is that I have seen it numerous times now with different submissives.  Aftercare is a HUGE part of this in my opinion. 

 

All of that ramble was intended to help you look at it differently.  To see that you helping her release emotions in a safe, controlled environment. And you take care of her afterwards. 

 

I'm interested to hear others views.  Good topic.  Good luck.

[BH_Bambi]

A point to remember is that you are allowed limits. It is absolutely okay to find an area of kink that you are not comfortable with. Between you, you may be able to find a compromise or alternative, but no partner should ask you to participate where you're not comfortable enough.

[HeCallsMePrincess]

this is why we have safe words. assuming you have a safe word, and she didn't use it then she clearly needs it or thinks she does. BUT you have every right to decide you don't want to do that. safe words aren't just for one partner, or only the sub. you obviously do not want to do this anymore, and she needs to respect that.

[Princess-P]

It sounds to me like she doesn't need to safe word out (but you should have one just in case) and that this kind of black out power exchange is what she desires. However, if the emotional break is something that makes you uncomfortable then you have every right to make this sort of scene a hard limit. Explain to her how it makes you feel to see her like that and how its just not good for you mentally.

 

On a related note, does she offer you aftercare? Dom drop is just as common as sub drop. If she's not caring for you properly afterwards then this might be where your hesitation to repeat the action is coming from. Yes cuddles and talking is great but sometimes the drop doesn't hit until the next day. She might be feeling great after the emotional release but maybe she can turn that great feeling she gets into some extra special attention towards you to let you know just how much she loves you and how happy she is that you can make her feel that way. Just a thought. Maybe that's not it and it is just a hard limit for you, in that case stop.

[Guest friendeavors]

Hey there, DD here that makes his little cry on occasion.

 

Its okay that she cries. It's just emotion. You'd have to be able to be there for her in other times of need.

 

It hurts to see the ones you love cry but you need to be strong and supportive in other circumstances, you can in these too. Further more, it may also make you more able to support her in other times of need.

 

Have a safe word and mentally prepare before hand. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with, there are other viable outlets for her but I'm not going to get into her issue(s) as this thread is about you.

 

If you have specific questions feel free to ask.

Edited July 29, 2016 by friendeavors

[A Cuddly Dom]

Definitely talk it out. Be clear about how this is making you feel, and certainly have a plan for your own aftercare should you decide to move forward with this kind of play in the future. Dom drop can be a real obstacle. If it just isn't for you, then you have every right to place limits on this kind of play.

 

Good luck to you both, and remember to keep communication open, loving, and honest.

[Deimos420]

Being a dom who was a cutter for long time I can say I do understand the release and can find a comfort in fact I can offer my girl way to release that without causing self destructive behavior .. your still in control and u won't let real harm come to her even if her mind let's go of that fact but as all said your limits are your limits and you two need to hash that out