Aftercare for lil & Aftercare or Care for Daddies

[BabyDddoll]

There seems to be so much drama and lils being hurt or taken advantage of by fake daddy's but sometimes I wonder if the daddies are new and just really don't know what they're getting into. It must be very emotional and sometimes a challenge to handle all of (my) stuff while ignoring your own!?!

 

ESP with a very needy lil. It's a lot of responsibility and I wonder about how we are supposed to do aftercare for our Daddies. Maybe not at the same time He offers (me) aftercare...

 

Maybe at another time...

I.e. when Daddy comes home from work and I can just pour him a fav drink

and get him a book

and massage his back or feet

or give him a pedicure and manicure with massages like he is a Prince at a spa!??!

Would Daddies enjoy and relax with that?

 

Lils- how do you offer aftercare for Daddy/Mommy/etc?

 

Bigs- how do you aftercare for Your littles?

How can your littles care for you more fully/wholly? (Is that the right word??)

When?

[sirenaophelia]

I would love to aftercare more with my Daddy. I bathe him sometimes, I love bathing him in a bath... I try to massage his scalp, rub his arm for reassurance, hold his hand, kiss him, randomly tell him how much I love him, randomly telling him any of those great things but I want to be more physical. Sometimes I feel robotic, like, I don't know what to do/what I'm doing/how to do more/better...

 

It would help to have input. Please!

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

Since my Daddy is wanting to explore his more feminine side of things, I've offered to give him manicures and pedicures as well as various spa treatments I think he would enjoy. When I was with him he almost passed out after I gave him a foot massage. I'm also trying to teach him about hair and make up and that sort of stuff, but he loves the darker gothic looks.

 

Aftercare is always needed on both ends and I'm happy to see this post.

[Guest Dean]

This is a great topic. It seems that aftercare for Daddies (and Doms) is often overlooked. I, personally, don't always need aftercare. Especially when being Daddy. The things that work best for me, when I do or not, are massages and watching movies and tv shows while cuddling. Some Daddies may just need some time to themselves. I need the connection even more. I am more physical connection oriented which does make LDR difficult at times. I have needed more aftercare after being Dom. For me, it doesn't show that I need it sometimes until days later. The biggest problem that I had was guilt. You feel guilt for enjoying certain things or for doing them. I've gotten past that but it was a huge hurdle for me and led to Dom drop more than anything else. It's easy to forget that the Daddy (or Dom) is going through as intense an emotional experience as a little (or sub). However, it is the responsibility of the Daddy/Dom to provide the aftercare for the little/sub first. Daddy/Doms need the reassurances just as much as the little/sub. We just don't always show it. Also, giving your Daddy a Daddy Day is a good idea. Where you take care of him. He is still the Daddy, still the Dom (for those who may be about to argue that there is a change in dynamic), you are just showing your appreciation. If you haven't experienced it yet, that first time your little is crying in your arms (even if they are good tears) will hit you like a sledgehammer. You will feel it for days. And, you have to deal with it. As much for yourself as for her. You need to let her know how to take care of you when that time comes. 

 

I do agree that some of the problems are Daddies that are new and may not be aware of their own needs for aftercare. There are those that just are wanting to take advantage and I don't care what they may want or need. If you don't care about your little/sub then you shouldn't be here. For the new Daddies, they need to learn that they have to take care of themselves and that they need to let their little know what they need. If you need to take a few days to recalibrate yourself, that's fine. But, and this is important: TELL YOUR LITTLE WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND WHY!!! Communicate. If you need to deal with some things, tell them. Then deal. Otherwise, you have a little in abandonment meltdown and other Daddies that are ready to give you a blanket party (if you don't know what that is, look it up or ask me). It's not a fun thing. (Today's rant.)

 

As for aftercare for littles, it often depends on what the little needs. Which can be different for each little. Some just one quiet time. I usually hold my little, whisper reassurances, tell them how I am there for them, how much I love them, am proud of them, etc. I will also give her baths, tuck her in, read her stories. Just talk to her. I always have water nearby. Especially, if tears are involved. She will dehydrate quickly. If she falls asleep in your arms feeling vulnerable, she should wake up in them.

 

I hope that I answered everything. These are my own personal answers and other Daddies (and Doms) will do things differently. Also, I keep using her for little and him for Daddy. Obviously, this is the same for caregivers and littles of all genders. 

[BabyDddoll]

Blanket Party

is like Corporal punishment by peers. When a lil has a bad experience, those who know (her/him) or come to know (her/him) may feel anger toward a Dom who didn't behave with honor and respect... (Did I get this right @Mr Dean?)

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TCNqKrX1sx8

[Guest Dean]

Yes. That is pretty much it. Never participated in one myself. But, I know of a couple that happened. In the military, it is someone who causes problems for the platoon. So, they teach him a lesson in such a way that no permanent damage is done but he has learned his lesson. 

 

Some of these Daddies make all of us look bad and they treat their littles terribly. I think all the other Daddies should be angry about it. I know I am.

[BabyDddoll]

Absolutely! My own experience with my first Dom was not the best... How could I have known...? Now I'm able to see the many things that happened or that he said that will serve as indicators. Maybe I'll be able to share with other lils and prevent some heartache. The most difficult aspect was the self-blame where obviously he was meant to educate, inform, correct... However he ended up blaming me and abandoning/ignoring. Drama. Thank Goodness my Prince Daddy (Hubby!) rescued me!

 

Now the annoying issue is that I do believe that fellow was struggling with something and I never established closure there. Bc it ended as a loose end I have to heal and let go. It's a long process and my Daddy has to walk the path with me.

[BabyDddoll]

Absolutely! My own experience with my first Dom was not the best... How could I have known...? Now I'm able to see the many things that happened or that he said that will serve as indicators. Maybe I'll be able to share with other lils and prevent some heartache. The most difficult aspect was the self-blame where obviously he was meant to educate, inform, correct... However he ended up blaming me and abandoning/ignoring. Drama. Thank Goodness my Prince Daddy (Hubby!) rescued me!

 

Now the annoying issue is that I do believe that fellow was struggling with something and I never established closure there. Bc it ended as a loose end I have to heal and let go. It's a long process and my Daddy has to walk the path with me.

[Sixtytwofifty]

Fake Daddys... or fake anything are nightmares..... predators, and there are many of them.

And there are fake subs and littles also, that simply want to use and abuse on some level.

There is no excuses for such behavior, and it only hurts those of us that are real, and/or trying to learn and be ourselves.

I can be harmed, and not do harm.

 

The difference between DD/lg, BDSM, and other aspects of life, is that submissives are seen as easy prey, and that the predators have an easier time taking what they want.

We need to all take a stand and be extra careful about putting ourselves out there and becoming a target, or at least minimizing our chances.

That or any abuse is not "our" fault, in any way, but we need to be extra careful in this, or such lifestyles... online, and offline!

 

 

As far as Daddy aftercare ... or as I prefer to say Daddy/Mommy/CG "support"... most of us enjoy and even need this sort of love and caring.

I crave it as much as my girl craves her attention sometimes, and it's helpful to both of us and our relationship.

 

I don't care for the term "aftercare" however.

That term was coined in BDSM, where the Dom is usually not as "caring" as a CG, and it was/is a way for them to bring their submissive down after a heavy session.

Sometimes holding them, sometimes bringing them a drink and comfort items etc, then just being there close by until they come down from sub-space.

 

In DD/lg, it's simply care .. or "life" to those of us 24/7.

No matter how strict I may be, I care always.

I want to comfort and love them, and let them know that I'm there all the time.

I dont need an excuse or time table, just as a 24/7 little needs dont require an excuse or time frame.

Even when not in "little-space", I always love my girl sub, and care for them.

 

Same thing with Daddy support or care if you prefer.. although some of us may need a little more due to guilt or any other feeling or reason, it's not for just "after".

In fact, to new people, it can be confusing ... who cares for who "after".

So I think separate terms works better, no matter how much the same it is.

 

Just like with our littles, knowing your CG and surprising them with love always works, no matter how big or small it is.

There is nothing wrong with showing someone you love and care for them, and that you are thinking of them, missing them, or simply need them.

 

I think Daddy support is overlooked sometimes, and that many of us welcome and adore such expressions of love by our littles.

Anything from a silly drawing or coloring to put on the fridge, to pampering and bringing us our favorite things works wonders in a relationship.

Some of us don't "need" it perhaps.. but it's nice to feel sometimes.

 

Being the Daddy or Mommy of an adult little can be challenging, especially for those new to the scene.... showing your appreciation is beyond awesome.

Showing someone, anyone, you care for them is never wrong ... no matter how tough they may be.

 

I started a "tip guide". last night in text, that I'll post as time allows me to write more, that touches on both of these subjects and more.

I hope it will help some of those new to the community and lifestyle, and maybe even some of the veterans and well-seasoned human-beans.

 

I've read so many people going through he same issues, whether it's being new, or just not understanding, that I think more things like that are needed.

I'm glad to be in a position to help where i can.

 

But ... big twerking butt ... to each their own!

The beauty of this lifestyle choice is that it is, and should always be, customized.

 

What works for them may not work for you, and there is no set rules that you and yours don't create yourself.

Communicate ... always . then talk about it!

 

Its ok to ask your Daddy if you can do something for them .. tell them you want to show them how much you love and care for them too.

No matter which side of the coin, as it it takes both halves to make a whole, be open to their needs, and their feelings, and .. boom!

Sh@t blows up in pretty colors and sparkles, instead of dust and debris.

 

Thank you Dean and Disney Princess for your insight and thoughts... and of course my little mermaid... who loves me and shows me so much.

[BabyDddoll]

[sirenaophelia]

I love Dean's post, Daddy's post and this last post a bit.

 

So much truth and feeling in it all. I think aftercare shouldn't just be limited to just "after play" ... It's a lifestyle, I want to live it all the time. ESPECIALLY with my Daddy @sixtytwofifty ... He's taught me so much but my little side has been repressed the most so it's what has made itself more known than anything else. But I love when my Daddy can be Dom/Master/Owner... I belong to him and him to I. Communication is definitely the most important thing. But...

 

This lifestyle is not to be lived only occasionally it's not... right? I guess... I mean, like, it does give it a bad name with predators, fakes, etc in the community. But I want to do all I can to comfort Daddy and show him I love him like he does with me. I like to do special things like bathe him... I love it. I take pleasure in pleasing and comforting him just as I do as he pleases and comforts me.

 

It's not fair to pigeonhole anything.... if any of this makes sense... or is...relevant at all...