Handling a Situation

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

Hello, I registered today to get some advice from other caregivers out in the world.

 

I've never been in a DDlg relationship before, but about 11 months ago I entered one with my little girl.

 

Lately, my little girl has gotten quite out of hand and I can't seem to get her back under control. She is a good girl generally, but she has major mood swings which are sometimes

set off by the most unpredictable things. She says I should "just know," but I can't when they're literally unpredictable. One day I can say something and she is totally fine with it,

but if I say it the next day it sets her off worse than an atomic bomb. The things that set her off can even be things that I'm asking for her benefit, such as if she'd like to go somewhere or not.

 

If I try to be firm with consoling her, then she says I'm an asshole for being way too strict. On the flip side, if I try to be extra soft then she calls it boring and pointless.

Last, but not least, if I try both then she loves to start spouting insults about how I'm "pathetic" and "undaddy like."

 

She has cheated on me at least once and blames me for the whole thing. Saying that I was being an asshole, but we hadn't even fought in weeks. I forgave her, because she is my little girl.

 

So, for any other caregivers out there, what can I do to get this situation under control? I'm going to ignore all of the "leave her" responses, not because I don't want to hear them, but because they're not the route I'm aiming for. I love my little and would not trade her for the world, but I must get her under control.

[Komorebi]

has she been diagnosed with anything? knowing the root of her behavior would be the first step in learning how to deal with the situation.

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

Currently she has not been diagnosed with anything. I cannot tell her that she needs to see a doctor over it, she'd go ballistic.

[Ember Moons]

I know this might not help but sounds to me like she feels guilty and in a way resents that you took her back after she cheated on you. Unless there is medical reasons, I suggest y'all work through that first or nothing will change.

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

I believe that is part of the problem as well, but we've moved past that as much as I've possibly been able to do on my own. Any suggestions?

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

Not a caregiver, but she may need some professional help. These are several warning signs for some mental illnesses and possible personality disorders.

[SugarPrincess]

Sad to say that this sounds kind of like me, on a higher level. Like everyone else I suggest professional help. I know you said you would ignore comments saying leave her but hear me out, i'm not saying to leave her i'm just saying to make sure you're ok. Your mental and physical health is just as important as hers and if you start to think that its an abusive relationship (I don't know enough about it) look out for yourself even if she is your little girl.

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

Physically I'm doing just fine, but mentally I have been quite torn up lately.

 

The relationship is abusive, I won't deny that it has developed into such a situation.

 

That is why I'm trying to figure out a way in which to bring her back to reason.

 

Rather than just abandon her because I can't do anything, I'd like to try possible routes first.

 

How can I get her the help she needs?

[Komorebi]

The mood extreme mood swings sounds like it is possible borderline personality disorder. in that case this "might" help http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/ManningHealing_Hearts_Conference_11.10.12-1.pdf

 

 

someone has to want to get help before they can be helped, is she does not see anything wrong with her behavior than the only real choice you have is the leave her.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Hey! This is Kylost. I have temporarily hijacked Lil' Miss' account. 

Forums aren't my bag but my Dear Dolly read this to me and it reminded me a lot of what we went through when we first started our journey into D/s dynamics. 

 

Dolly was exceptionally stubborn when we started this. She by nature is a very, very strong willed young lady and truthfully, a bit of a brat. She wanted this, She felt like she needed the structure and stability and I worked to give her everything she wanted... but of coarse, There are always hiccups along the way. 

   

I knew what I wanted in my submissive - I knew what I didn't want in my submissive. We discussed all this at great length and I thought we had it all figured out until everything was implemented - And Dolly went a little crazy. Sometimes when someone suffers from mental health issues and isn't used to the CG/s thing.. They can mistake how we act as Daddies, Doms or Masters as disrespect or even abuse. I refused to walk on eggshells in my own home, Refused to become the submissive to her mood swings - I told her as much as I loved her, As much as I wanted to spend my life with her... The relationship was becoming Toxic and I feared for her mental well being. She (in a moment of clarity) agreed and now everything is bliss. I have my Princess, My Muse. It took some work and time but it is all worth it in the end.  If this is what she genuinely wants or needs (Again, I am only speaking from my own experience) You need to stand up and tell her such.

 

Your Role as her Caregiver is to tell her what she needs to hear.. not what she wants to hear. You having to avoid subjects for fear of her "going ballistic" isn't going to help her in the long run. Support her, My friend.. Don't enable her.

 

Sit down, Tell her exactly how you feel - Tell her that in order for you to continue your relationship with her she needs to speak with her Doctor and figure out why she is so easily set off. It could be something easily dealt with like PMDD or it could be the beginning symptoms of something much greater. 

 

I wish you the best of Luck, Friend.

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

I have tried the approach of setting her down and reasoning with her. However, it always came back to me "trying to turn things against her."

 

Perhaps it was the way I handled it, I'm not sure, so I'll give an example of a scenario.

 

One day she went off about something that we usually joke about before

our "intimate" time. As it is a very common joke we use, the sudden onset of anger scared me a little bit.

Trying to care for her, I thought I'd see if there was more to it. Instead, she lashed out saying that I was an asshole for saying

something like that and that is all there is to it.

 

She left the house for a little while and then came back. After she got back and had cooled off, I sat her down and explained to her that I meant no ill will.

Instead, I was trying my best to make her smile a little and enjoy the moment. I explained to her that she had been lashing out quite a bit lately. I also stated I understood that she was under a lot of stress 

and that I'm doing my best to curve it all off of her. I made sure not to yell even though I was under a lot of anxiety from the idea of losing her due to this speech.

 

After awhile of me trying to console her, I explained we should try talking to someone about it. This lead to an extreme blow up and she just laid down for the night. By the time morning came, she said she had forgotten the whole thing. To which I believe she is lying, which I hate to say, because she almost never forgets anything.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

I can tell you from personal experince.. Black Outs happen I have had 3 and they are TERRIFYING. I have PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder which didn't even really come to light until I lost my marbles on Daddy about 3 yrs ago.. and I'm 31 years old. All i can tell you and I am not nearly as well spoken as my Daddy but... if she's not willing to seek help... then obviously.. you're relationship isn't that important to her. I understand you love her and you don't want to lose her but you can't help someone who doesn't wanna help themselves (I was an addictions workers for 9 years - This is the very harsh reality) You can't force her to get help - but you also can't jeopardize your own mental health. If she is flying off the handle over such little things..... Theres something really wrong. Something is going to give sooner or later.. but is it going to be her flipping out and maybe hurting herself or is it going to be you losing grasp of your own head because you're invested in fixing something that you neglect yourself? 

[Guest little_lelia]

I gonna be honest to you heartfeltdaddy. I just got out of a relationship similar. It was extremely abusive. And even now I can't deny I miss him. But I know it is better for me to have left. If your heart has already given you even the slightest urge to leave do it! The first time I tried to leave he pushed himself back into my life. I had to block everything about him for it to stop. And if you need a friend to talk to just send me a request, but listen to your heart. I was in the relationship for 2 years and I constantly ignored my heart because I thought I was "happy" I wasn't. And he also cheated on me. So if it will be more beneficial for you, tell her she needs help and you won't be around until she gets it and walk away. If y'all are meant to be. At some point you'll get back together. But she needs to learn that's she's not perfect. And we all need help at times. I hope I am making sense.

[Tenno64]

" I want to be taken care of, I want to be nurtured, guided, given advice, I want strict rules, the ones you've given aren't strict enough. And I told you yesterday I just don't feel you're more dominant than me" that came from my little. I've only been her Daddy for three days and neither of us has done the DdLg stuff before. Amy advice??????

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

Sorry for not responding to everyone in quite some time. I've been traveling dealing with some events that have gotten in my way. Just got back home for the first time in awhile.

 

Anyway, things seem to have settled back down for the time being. She is being more of herself again and hasn't gone ballistic over anything small.

 

Although it maybe just a matter of time, I'm going to enjoy it till she breaks things or she goes off edge again.

[Guest LexiGremlin]

Does her moodswings happen around her period? If so, she could be experiencing PMDD. It's like PMS, but worse. I struggle with it and I've learned to cope with it, but when I was younger, I was BAD. Between the cramps, sickness, and moodswings, it makes a woman go crazy. I would say next time she has a moodswing, see if it corresponds with a week or so before her period.

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

Unfortunately, they're entirely random and don't correspond to her period or anything else that I've been able to link it to.

 

At first, I thought they were all stress induced. Unfortunately, most of them are caused by stress, but sometimes they're entirely out of the blue.

 

The out of the blue ones have been calming down and the last few, yesterday and today, have been stress.

[Guest NeedToServe]

Sorry but you just gave quite a revealing sentence in "I forgive her because she is my little girl". No. Thats not right. That attitude gives her free reign to treat you like crap forever, because she knows you will just let her.

Her issues are not your responsibility. Punishing her, or whatever, will get neither of you anywhere.

If she has problems, she needs to take responsibility for them. You are her partner, not her doctor, emotional punching bag, or her therapist. Of course in a relationship, we are supposed to be there for each other, to support and understand each other etc. But I'm afraid if its all one sided it is an uphill battle, and a usually fruitless effort that will only ever cause torment.

[Trixie]

The out of the blue ones have been calming down and the last few, yesterday and today, have been stress.

I am glad they have been calming down a bit. I also agree with the others in that working towards a common goal with changed behavior on both sides sounds like a plan.

Edited July 14, 2016 by Trixie

[Guest hearfeltdaddy]

It looks like the one sided battle will be coming to an end soon.

 

She had another outburst today which was completely hypocritical since we had agreed on the topic at hand hours before it happened.

 

She hasn't come home in the longest time ever, so I think she is planning her move from here.

 

I appreciate the support guys. I'll probably stick around even after this.

[Guest littleontariogirl]

I wish you nothing but the best.  I recently got out of a relationship with a daddy that had mental health issues.  He kept telling me that he was going to get the help that he needed but never ended up.  It was a long dragged out process of me constantly being hurt by his outburst and then finding excuses as to why it was ok.. Ultimately it was because I loved him and didn't want it to end no matter what I had to go through.  Eventually it wore me down completely and I had to get out of it.  He got himself back into my life times before but I was not going to allow it to happen this time.

If you need anyone to talk to message me.

Good luck