Newbie Question...

[Daddy's Princess Katie]

So my Daddy and I just got into ddlg a few months ago. We've been married 13 years and have always had a good relationship. He's my bff. We started exploring bdsm after I read an article about a couple who got into it after twenty years together. It sounded like fun and we were already pretty open to doing fun nontraditional stuff like making movies together and whatnot. While I enjoyed the submissive aspects, I was not into the feeling of being degraded or 'lesser' in the hard core D/s relationship and the hubs wasn't either....stopping every two seconds to ask if I was okay or 'I'm sorry, is that too tight'? It almost became funny, actually. Then we came across the whole ddlg dynamic and the first time we tried it, it just clicked for both of us. I would like to be my middle/princess self waaaay more consistently than we do now. It's mostly a 'during sex/weekends when the kids are gone' thing. Has anyone been through this? How do I broach the subject with him and make him understand that for me this isn't just a sexual kink thing - although that part is awesome, too - but that it is actually part of who I am? I'm afraid he's going to say 'we've been together for over a decade... I've never seen this side of you until recently.' He has I guess but just didn't realize, just as I didn't. I've always been super sensitive, needing lots of attention, in love with all things sparkly, etc. The other stuff - dressing up, stuffies, etc - were urges that I repressed because I thought it was abnormal and that I was too old for that. I had no idea there were lots of others out there just like me. I just have a hard time with verbalizing these things to him. I'm afraid he will think I'm weird if he sees it as just a sexual role playing thing. Idk what to say.

[Princess-P]

You've been married for 13 years... I'd say that anything he might think of as "weird" will be trumped by love.

 

The best way is the direct and honest approach. Explain it just how you did here. I've been with my Daddy for over 8 years and I can't imagine anything that I could do or say that would shock him at this point.

 

Let him know you can start small, tell him some of the things you would like to make changes to in your relationship, and always remember that if he's not into it being a 24/7 thing then that's ok, you can still be little you.

 

What about kids? Do you have any? If you do is this something you think might hold him back from embracing this side more frequently? If so then there are lots of threads here about having children and maintaining a CG/l dynamic.

 

Never be afraid to talk to your partner about anything. Ever. The worst that will happen is he says he's not into it.

[Nice_Daddy]

I think you should wait until you can have a quiet moment together and talk to him.  It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship and I am sure that he will listen and not judge you.  Tell him that you would like to explore this more than just with sex.  Trust in your relationship.  Trust in him.  Be open.  Be honest. 

 

Maybe tell him some of the non-sexual things that you would be interested in doing together?  Maybe start with some very simple things for him like brushing your hair or painting your nails, maybe one day a week to give you a bath, reading to you at bed time, whatever you desire.  Keep it simple to start with.  Give him time to grow into it.

 

I think this is going to work out for you!  And I wish you the best of luck.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

I would agree with the direct and honest approach. I understand that sometimes, it's difficult for us to verbalize what we want. But you've been together for a very long time, my dear. You've got to be able to communicate with him. If you already know what you think he's going to say, plan for it. Anticipate that reaction, and think about what you'll say in response. It's very common for someone not to be aware of their Little/Middle until they find the dynamic and it's like a light bulb went off. It sounds like that's the way it is for you.

 

Maybe collect some articles like the one you found initially about small ways to start integrating CGL lifestyle into your daily lives, maybe some specifically on middles. Bring them to him, sit him down, and have an honest, real conversation about what you like and what you don't, and share those articles and thoughts with him.

 

Don't be afraid to grow and learn together. You already have for your married life together, this is no different. <3