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@RoseyLittle @NickyMoon @MissNMTX @kimmybunny @Zina @SquirtleSquad @mecwmello @littlegala @browneyedgirl Hello all its that time!!! We are going to start with 3 chapters but I will check in and we may up it if everyone wants. So for this week read the prologue and chapter 1 and 2. Normally assignments will go out on Wednesday and I usually have questions up by Sunday. Let me know if yall have any questions. @DaddysCosmicBunny @BabyGirlEmber I havnt heard from yall so we got started. Please let me know if you are still planning on reading with us.

💬 What Is Ghosting? Ghosting means suddenly cutting off all communication with someone—no replies, no explanation, just silence. It often happens through DMs, dating apps, or social media. ⚪ Why People Ghost (3 Common Reasons) 1. Avoiding Conflict: They fear awkwardness or hurting someone’s feelings. 2. Loss of Interest: They no longer feel connected or engaged. 3. Feeling Overwhelmed: Stress or emotional burnout makes them withdraw. 💔 How Ghosting Affects the Person Ghosted Confusion and self-doubt 😕 Feelings of rejection 💭 No closure, lingering questions ❓ Anxiety about future relationships 💬 🌱 Coping with Being Ghosted Acknowledge your feelings — it’s okay to feel hurt. Don’t overanalyze — their silence reflects *them*, not your worth. Lean on friends or support — talk it out. Refocus on self-care — do what makes you feel grounded. Set healthy online boundaries — protect your emotional space. How to End Things Respectfully (Instead of Ghosting) ✨ Be kind, clear, and honest: “I’ve enjoyed chatting, but I don’t feel this is the right connection for me.” ✨ Use “I” statements: “I need some time for myself right now.” ✨ Keep it short, gentle, and respectful. ✨ Remember: clarity is kinder than silence. 💡Final Thought Ghosting may feel like the easy option—but honest communication builds empathy, trust, and maturity online. 💛

@LissyLu @SquirtleSquad @littlegala @Aikko @MyMy @Zina @RoseyLittle @Married_Lg Hello friends! I am running a few days behind but never fear questions will be posted today, thank you for being an understanding bunch! In the meantime .... feel free to read chapters 29-32!!! We are approaching 75% done and I would love to know how yall are enjoying Kians and Willows story? Honestly I think it has been a delightful little read so far and enjoy it much. I put up our pole to see when we will have our midway discussion next week so please go vote on that!!! I am also opening up suggestions for pur next read! I cannot garuntee any suggestions will be included in the vote as there are always certain things I need to consider but I would love to see some suggestions thrown my way. You can just DM them to me with Book Suggestion in the title. Thank you all! Pigtail

@RoseyLittle @NickyMoon @MissNMTX @kimmybunny @Zina @SquirtleSquad @BabyGirlEmber @mecwmello @browneyedgirl @littlegala (This is my current participation list. If you dont see your name I dont have you added and ypu need to contact me!) Hello all Pigtail book wurm extraordinaire here again! It is that time!!! Another vote for our next group read. Yall almost unanimously wanted something more involved and intense so I have provided! I still tried to give some variation but these will all be longer more involved reads often with more mature themes. If these arnt your cup of tea we will see you on the next one (most likely a modern day sappy one! No magic). I have tried to provide a even better description for each this time. Since they are more intense if you have alot of serious triggers please look up a full list for your selection. Each person can vote once and if needed I will do a tie break vote. Pole will be up a week, please only vote if you are in NNC and plan on reading. OPTIONS: Option 1: Fairydale by Veronica Lancet Paranormal Romance TRIGGERS: (A few of the more intense ones please look up full list if you have alot of triggers because this has many): Attempted SA, loss of a child, blood play, torture, violence and mass death, and self harm. Blurb: Fairydale is a dark gothic historical romance with horror, paranormal & fantasy elements. This is NOT a traditional love triangle. It features a villainous love interest that would end the world for his beloved and an all-encompassing love story spanning millennia. This is not suitable for anyone under the age of 18. Please check the triggers before reading. Pages: 772 📖📖📖📖 Option 2: Heir by Sabaa Tahir Fantasy Romance TRIGGERS: (One of a few but less triggers by far than Option 1): Genocide, war, loss of a child, grief, and torture Blurb: Beloved storyteller Sabaa Tahir interweaves the lives of three young people as they grapple with power, treachery, love, and the devastating consequences of unchecked greed, on a journey that may cost them their lives―and their hearts. Literally. Pages: 484 📖📖📖📖 Option 3: Night Market by Jesikah Sundin Fae Fantasy Romance TRIGGERS: (Seems to have low triggers): Grief, violence, psychological abuse, and trauma. Blurb: A mortal seer enslaved by a traveling faerie market. A Raven shifter forced to marry to save his Caravan tribe. And a future not even the cards could predict. Pages: 548 📖📖📖📖 Option 4: Noticadia by Keri Lake Dark Academia Gothic Romance TRIGGERS: (Seems to have a fair list but less than option 1) Murder, child abuse, SA, torture, and autopsy scenes. Blurb: a dark academia gothic romance about a young woman who enrolls at the prestigious Dracadia University to find a cure for her mother's mysterious illness, only to become entangled in a forbidden relationship with her enigmatic and cold professor, Devryck Bramwell, also known as "Doctor Death" Pages: 682 📖📖📖📖 Option 5: The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy by Megan Bannen Fantasy Romance Light Hearted TRIGGERS: (medium number of triggers from description) Autopsy and body parts, blood/gore, gun violence, cancer, and animal death. Blurb: a lonely marshal named Hart and a competent undertaker named Mercy who initially despise each other. They anonymously become pen pals, forming a tentative friendship through letters, unaware they are corresponding with the person they most dislike in real life. Pages: 449

@RoseyLittle @NickyMoon @MissNMTX @kimmybunny @Zina @SquirtleSquad @mecwmello @browneyedgirl @littlegala Hello all!!! The first chapters are officially up!!!

@LissyLu @SquirtleSquad @littlegala @Aikko @MyMy @Zina @RoseyLittle @Married_Lg Alright friends.... go ahead and finish the book! I will be giving an extra week for folks to finish but you are free to read till the end. I will be making a topic for those who finished to give a reveiw! Enjoy!

I have it!! It was on my TBR too so I just had to return some kindle unlimited books to get it 🤭

@RoseyLittle @NickyMoon @MissNMTX @kimmybunny @Zina @SquirtleSquad @BabyGirlEmber @mecwmello @browneyedgirl @littlegala @DaddysCosmicBunny Alright friends we have enough votes in that even the few who havnt voted wouldnt change the outcome, so our book this time is Nocticadia by Keri Lake! Feel free to purchase and over the next couple days I will be setting up the topics so yall will want to familiarize yourself with them especially if you havnt done a group read with us before. Please check in here when you have the book and are ready to go.

I have an imaginary one lol he’s called Sebastian

The link below explains in detail what a BIOS is. What it is in very basic terms is a set of instructions on a small chip that checks the basic running of the PC and allows the Operating System to load https://www.lenovo.com/us/en/glossary/what-is-a-bios/?orgRef=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&srsltid=AfmBOooncHKbJJQxFPh2BNsxFZMYcGftejJ9iYRnC_nA1mFvM6ypq3cb Some people don't like that some OS (Operating System) providers, like microsoft, force their changes on users. Sometimes they take good things away and add functions of little to no use for most users. The link below explains what an OS is. It basically allocates computer resources like memory, graphics, processing power or storage space (hard drive) to software you might install. It is what allows you to interact with the programs you install. It also attempts to keep you and your data safe in a world where threats exist. https://www.ibm.com/think/topics/operating-systems

Trigger warnings: themes of abuse I just wanted to reach out and connect to let you know there are absolutely people here who hear you and how hard all these pieces are. Ghosting (unless we are talking putting on a ghostly costume and going booooo) can be so harmful. I often have to hold friends or clients when they experience this from others. It’s sad how often it is. Most people don’t do well with either conflict, or endings. They are hard and so they are avoided. And unfortunately the internet makes it really easy to avoid. Even a simple ‘I don’t feel the connection but I wish you the best’ is avoided. For myself, I try to remember most of it is anxious avoidance on the parts of others, from their own wounded parts. Aaaand sometimes it’s just plain inconsiderateness. But it is completely reasonable that it hurts you, and that you expect more. You deserve to be treated with integrity. You have the right to ask for that. And I’m so sorry your experiencing it. I wanted to offer that having a temporary caregiver (or some pre set boundaries) for some, is a beautiful option. Especially in windows of time when you know you’re going to be in the grind and need that extra voice to help you. For myself, because of the trauma I grew up in, I didn’t date at all when I was younger. I was very terrified of men. In university the first dynamic I ever connected to was a discipline dom, with no romantic or sexual elements. Totally platonic. He was married and deeply in love with his non-kinky wife. She loved him and gave him permission to connect in non sexual dynamics. She became close friends of mine. And having him was the first time in my life I started really taking care of myself and it moved me towards therapy and a lot of amazing healing. He was a caregiver to me in many ways. It allowed me to be my best self in school. And he was the first man who taught me men can be safe. I got to witness his beautiful love for his partner and how happy they were. With his support, I eventually started dating for the first time and connected to my first personal/dynamic relationship. I even talked to him about how I would know when I was ready and felt safe enough to have consensual sex with my first partner. In terms of how we did it, I had rules and a system of punishments/rewards, we met at least every two weeks for dynamic, talked often in chat, but we also just did things for friendship and bonding. And I became a part of their friend group and actually met my first partner/daddy through that. Keeping it platonic was not difficult for either of us. And it fed both of us what we needed. We both needed that boundary. And it even supported his marriage. And we ended it naturally when it came time and remained friends. In the beginning I used to feel worried about me getting so much out of our connection, and somehow “using” him. But he loved to remind me just how deeply good it feels for him to be needed. And how the same way it soothes me, it soothes him. I also wasn’t sure of if I could be in a dynamic and not, well…fall in love? Or get mixed up by feelings. But for us it worked. I did love him, as a friend and as a caregiver. But that never shifted into anything else. I think the thing that really helped us. Is we both wanted the same boundaries. And we were able to be very clear and communicative from the very beginning. I hope this helps a little bit to normalize what you are maybe looking for right now. And I’m sure others in this space have wisdom or stories too. It’s completely okay to do things temporary and/or platonic however you need. It would be your dynamic. There is no one way or right way to do this stuff. ♥️

That's one of the reasons I became a Mommy Dom, because I wanted to feel the love I never received and to be able to love those around me. We all deserve love and we are worthy of being loved. When I was single I would talk to myself the way I would a little, because I needed a reminder that I wasn't broken and I definitely wasn't bad. What a beautiful community we truly have here ❤️

Hi there!! 💖🧃✨ princess snack time of today 💐 i <33 fruitss, mango is amazing :0

@LissyLu @SquirtleSquad @littlegala @Aikko @MyMy @Zina @RoseyLittle @Married_Lg Be aware folks that our discussion over most of the book (through chapter 32) will be this Sunday October 26th from 7-8 pm PST (reach out if you need to know what time your time!) I will be making a calendar event for it as well. Per usual we will be in out chat linked below. Can't wait to see you! Pigtail https://www.ddlgforum.com/chatbox/room/4-pigtails-playpen-reading-chat/

@LissyLu @SquirtleSquad @littlegala @Aikko @MyMy @Zina @RoseyLittle @Married_Lg Hello all Pigtail here!!! As promised here is the pole to see the best time for a group get together to discuss the first half of our book!!! To be clear this will be the week of October 20th-27th. So those are the days you will be voting for. I want to get as many of yall together as we can to make it fun. We will be hanging out in the reading chat room here where we normally meet for Wednesdays and Sundays. Please only vote if you 100% plan on trying to attend. This way I can pick the day that is best for everyone. Feel free to vote for as many times and days as work for you as I have set the pole to allow multiple answers. Also make sure you know where we are and havnt read ahead so there arnt any spoilers. Thank you so much all for joining me on this adventure! Pigtail P.S. We have had several drop outs lately so please let me know if I missed anyone in my tags!

@LissyLu @SquirtleSquad @littlegala @Aikko @MyMy @Zina @RoseyLittle @Married_Lg Pigtail here with questions from chapters 25-28!!! It was a busy week but remember that saying abput adscense and the heart? As a result I think this weeks questions are excellent and there is even an extra one. Per usual remember to spoil and post in the link below!

“No feeling is final.” – Rainer Maria Rilke (20th-century German poet) Grounding tools are coping strategies to help you gently stay connected to the present moment and separate you from the distress of your emotional state or situation. When we feel a sense of threat (whether real or perceived) it affects the autonomic nervous system by activating our threat response. Grounding allows us to calm our body and help switch off the fight, flight, freeze or flag response. Grounding can be done anytime, anywhere, by anyone. They can be done on our own, or with a supportive friend, loved one, therapist, or even AI, who can guide us through the grounding process when the need arises. There are also many helpful apps (PTSD Coach Canada is just one example) or videos online to help guide us through grounding techniques. Grounding “anchors” us to the present moment and allows us to calm our nervous system enough to be able to make the next best decision for what we may need. Many individuals who have experienced trauma struggle with a wobble of feeling too much (overwhelming emotions and memories) or too little (numbing and dissociation). With grounding, we can practice a balance between the two – being conscious of feelings and able to tolerate them. I thought it could be helpful to have a place where some grounding techniques are listed for everyone. Please feel free to post your own you use as well. Later, I will make another grounding post for littles/middles or anyone that wants some grounding techniques that are fun for kids! Some Key Guidelines: - Grounding techniques are not the same thing as relaxation techniques – it is an active strategy that works via distraction and connection to the external world. - Even though grounding methods are simple, practicing them frequently allows them to be maximally helpful. Practice even when you don’t need them, so that you will know it by heart! - In general, when grounding it can help to have both feet planted on the ground with an open comfortable body posture. But listen to your own bodies needs and abilities. - Engage your senses – e.g. get tactile by holding something soft. - Focus on the present, not the past or future. - Stay neutral – avoid judgements of “good” and “bad”. - Ground for a looooooooonnnnggggg time (10-20 minutes). Rinse and Repeat if needed. - Start grounding early in the distress cycle. Begin as soon as you feel yourself beginning to be triggered. - Figure out what types of grounding works best for you. You can even create your own methods of grounding. - Make an index card on which you list your best grounding methods. Keep this on you or within easy reach – It is easier than trying to remember in the moment of distress. - Consider teaching your people what it looks like when you experience triggers (especially dissociation) and teach them what grounding helps with you - Prepare in advance – Locate places in your room, on your person, or elsewhere that you can have materials and reminders for grounding. - Don’t give up! Some Grounding Techniques: Here are just a few examples! There are so many out there to experiment with. Play with them, try them in combinations with each other. But keep in mind we always want to include breath. Breath is considered the foundation of grounding. It is one of the fastest ways we can begin to help our system come down from a stress response and begin to feel calm and connected. There are also 3 major categories of grounding: Physical, Mental and Soothing. Physical techniques help you focus and reconnect to your body; Mental techniques help focus your mind and senses to the present moment; and Soothing techniques help you treat yourself in a kind and compassionate manner. Feel free to experiment with different combinations of techniques and find what works best for you. Breath: - Deep Belly Breath (Abdominal Breathing). Our breath is a direct reflection of our mental and emotional state. When we feel anxious, tense, angry, or overwhelmed our breathing can become shallow and rapid, occurring higher up in our chest. When we are relaxed we breathe deeply and slowly and our breathing comes from our abdomen. In this way, we can invoke a relaxed state by changing our breath. Place one hand on your chest and one hand over your belly button. As you inhale allow the breath to deepen and shift to your abdomen. Notice with this deeper breath how our belly pushes outwards against our hand and deflates with our exhale. Continue with this rhythm of deepening the inhale and slowing releasing the exhale. - 4-Square Breath. Visualize a square in your mind. Allow the rhythm of your breath to follow the shape of the square by breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the air for 4 seconds, breathing out the exhale for 4 seconds and holding the empty space for 4 seconds. You can even trace the shape of the square with your finger in your mind. Repeat this breath as much as you need. - Finger Breath. Place the index finger of one hand on the outside of the pinky finger on your other hand. As you breathe in, trace up to the tip of your pinky, and as you breath out trace down the inside of your pinky. Continue finger by finger until you have traced all the fingers on your hand. Reverse the direction and do the same process of breath from your thumb to your pinky. - Ten Breaths. Take ten breaths, focus your attention on each breath on the way in and on the way out. Say the number of each breath to yourself as you exhale. Gradually, allow your breath to expand and fill every corner of your body. - Rooted Visualization – Bring your attention to your breath. As you breathe in, visualize it as an energy (e.g. light or colour) that moves through your body. You might track it along your arms, down your torso, down your legs and finally all the way into your feet. As you continue to breathe normally, visualize the energy flowing all the way through your body, through your feet and into the ground below you, anchoring you and holding you solid and firm. Notice how it feels to be rooted to the earth, all of you connected. You can even visualize yourself as a tree rooted to the ground. - Dual Experience. Close your eyes, sit comfortable and begin to turn your awareness in with your breath. As you follow the rhythm of your breath begin to pull your awareness to different parts of your experience, invite yourself to notice how the breath feels coming in and out; notice things you can hear and the spaces of silence; notice where your body feels supported by the furniture and spaces your body touches the air; notice both the feelings of tension in your body and the spaces that feel loose; notice how you might be holding multiple emotions as once, perhaps anxiety and contentment as an example; just notice that we can experience multiple things at once, holding dual experiences and one does not need to win over the other. Breath in and out with this dual awareness. Mental Grounding: - Present Orientation - Say a safety statement oriented in the present. “My name is _________. I am _________ years old. I am safe right now. I am in the present, not in the past. I am located in _________ and the date is _________.” - 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Senses – Look around you and begin to observe: 5 things you see (you can choose a specific colour e.g. red) 4 things you can touch (you can pick a specific texture e.g. smooth) 3 things you hear 2 things you smell 1 things you taste - Feelings Container Visualization – Imagine placing the distressing thought/feeling/body sensation into a container (e.g. a glass jar or a box). You can get as creative as you like. Visualize closing the container knowing you are always able to go back and reopen it when you feel secure. - Detailed Description – Describe an everyday activity you know well, in great detail (e.g. a meal you like to cook: first I peel the potatoes and cut them into quarters etc.). -Finding Oases - Oases are activities that give a break from the trauma. They are activities that demand concentration and attention. Watching TV and reading do not usually work well as it is easy to wander into one’s own thoughts. Procedures that have not become automatic work best. These might include: working with tools; following a recipe; playing chess or ‘brain training’ games, doing crosswords or puzzles; writing; playing an instrument etc. -Hands – Take a minute and ask every part of you to look through your eyes, and just notice your hands. Pay attention to their size, shape and details (maybe they have calluses, wrinkles or wear a ring, maybe they are larger). Remind every part of you that your hands look like this now because you are an adult. Remind every part of you that because you are an adult, this means you are safe and you have the resources and skills to take care of yourself. - Describe your environment in detail, using all of your senses – for example, “the walls are white, there are five blue chairs, there is a wooden bookshelf against the wall”. Describe objects, sounds, textures, colors, smells, shapes, numbers, and temperature. You can do this anywhere. - Categories. Try to think of types of all the things in a specific category (e.g. dogs, musicians, chocolate bars, animals, cars, or cities). You can make it more difficult by choosing a certain letter as well (e.g. animals that start with the letter S). Physical Grounding: - Focused Breath – focus on your breathing, noticing each inhale and exhale. Let your breath slow down naturally, relaxing your body. You may also want to use calming, grounding statements as you breathe, like: - Inhaling, “I am breathing in calm.” or “ I am breathing in compassion” - Exhaling, “I am exhaling anxiety,” or “I am exhaling shame,” or “I am safe.” - Grounding Object – carry a small object in your pocket (e.g. a small rock or crystal, a ring, anything that works for you) that you can use whenever you feel triggered. You can rub the object in your hand as you ground. - Stretch and Contract – Extend your fingers, arms, or legs as far as you can. Move your body to its comfortable limits. Try some isometrics! Tense and release your muscles moving from your top down. - Temperature - run cool or warm water over your hands or face. Have a cool shower. Hold a hot cup of tea. Physically allow yourself to feel the sensation of different temperatures that ground us into the moment. - Clap Your Hands Together. Clap strongly and feel the slight sting as your hands meet. Now clap softly and feel for the movement of air between your hands. Put your full attention on this one simple act and see how many things you can notice about what your hands feel. Now rub your hands together vigorously until they generate some heat. Feel the heat in your palms and then bring your hands to rest over your eyes and take a few slow deep breaths. - Creative Expression – art, dancing, drumming, gardening, singing, listening to positive music… any creative expression! - Body Scan. Sitting comfortably, take a deep breath in through the nose, and out through the mouth. As you breath out, close your eyes if that feels safe to do. Notice how the body feels right now. Starting at the top of the head, gently scan down through the body. Remember, you are not trying to change anything, just noticing how the body feels as you scan down, all the way to your toes. You might notice areas of tension or looseness, warmth or cold, pain or comfort, you might even notice sensations, feelings or colours. We are not judging what we notice, just observing them with gentle curiosity as we breathe. - Change the scenery. Sometimes just getting up and moving can help. Change your environment. Go for a walk or a drive, or get up and go to another room. - Urge Surfing. This is a helpful tool for those struggling with urges or cravings. Sit comfortably in a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes so that you are better able to focus on the exercise. Center your attention on the part or parts of your body where you are feeling the effects of the craving or urge. Describe to yourself the sensations you are feeling. Be calm and objective as you move from sensation to sensation, starting with the most intense. You may notice certain thoughts or feelings connected to the sensations. Shift the attention to the rise and fall of your breathing. Breathe naturally. After a couple of minutes (don’t get hung up on the specifics of the timing), shift your attention back to the physical locations tied to the craving. Continue to shift your focus from your sensations to your breathing until the urge you are experiencing subsides. It may help to think of the craving as the wave and your breath as your surfboard. When you feel better able to manage the urge, end the exercise and return to your regular activities. Remember that you can return to the exercise at any time if the intensity of the urge ratchets back up. Soothing Grounding: - Compassionate Words - Say kind things to yourself as if you were talking to a friend or loved one (e.g. “You are a good person going through a hard time, you will get through this moment. This feeling will soon pass”). Feel the vibration in your throat and listen to the sound in the air around your face. - Inspiring Words – keep inspiring words that help you feel better close by to read. They can be from a song, quote, poem, or prayer for example. - Butterfly Hug. Try a butterfly hug by crossing your arms (as if giving yourself a hug) and alternately tapping your left and right upper arm. Breathe and gently tap for a minute or two. - Safe Place – Visualize a place you find soothing and safe. It can be from a memory or something imagined (e.g. a forest, your favourite room, a boat on the ocean, an alient planet). Focus on everything about that place – the sounds, colours, shapes, objects, textures. Feel free to add anything into your safe space that would make it more perfect for you. Take out anything you don’t like. - Self-care. Sometimes just engaging in self-care can help. You can make yourself a nice meal, have a hot shower, go through your workout routine, or watch a favourite show. - Spiritual Practices – prayer, meditation, healing circles, spiritual practices of all forms.

We would like to welcome everyone that reads this to our home and family. We know there are other places you can go and groups you can join so we do appreciate you choosing us. It is an honor and a privilege to be allowed to share this journey with you. We understand how important the people you surround yourself with and the environment you hang out in is to your development and growth as a person. These things help to shape you and can either be a blessing or a mistake, we wish to be the former. So we are happy you are with us. You will see us refer to this place as our home, our village, and the members as our family quite often. That is because that is what this place and these people mean to us. This is not just a site we log into to kill time and escape for a few minutes. And by us I do not mean the staff, I mean each and every one of us that shares a love for our community and our extended family. This is our home and we care about it and those that are with us. So to all of you we say hello and welcome and enjoy your time with us, you are home.

This is such an interesting topic! I've only recently started doing inner child work and reparenting, but I've always had imaginary caregivers in my fantasies. Like, TV or book characters with strong caring and nurturing vibes. I imagine them comforting me, helping me calm down when I'm stressed, and guiding me through difficult situations. It feels weirdly like I've externalised an internal caregiver by projecting it onto a character. Does that even make sense?! I'm starting to integrate these characters into my own system by learning that I've always been the one generating these fantasies, and therefore taking care of myself. My therapist calls it my 'wise self,' which I really like. Thank you for opening up this discussion!

Alright folks this is where most of the day to day chat will go on! I will post important stuff here as well as the Important posts topic so yall dont miss it. You may discuss anything in the book here the week after it is assigned just make sure to use spoilers that state what page number it is from. Happy chatting!

Buhahaah love this as it is me too. Enjoy friend

I often find people who say things like this... especially in regards to moving forward is to simply forgive. That's often impossible depending on the scars they've made. You can forget but never forgive and even still you'll never forget. Truly, healing is prioritizing you and your little humans and move forward with your head held high and hope and faith in yourself for a good future without harm being done to you or them. Healing doesn't always include forgiveness. To share, I'm adopted because my Birth mother was heavy in drugs. She passed this year and many people suggested I forgive the abandonment because I would heal. There s still anger, frustration, pain, and deep anxiety but you know what! It doesn't rule me. I won't let it. I move forward knowing that my boundaries have kept me sane and safe and moving on with my life will not include forgiveness but it includes her being put aside for a happier me and life. I hope you get to have that. You deserve it. I often, when people try to share their thoughts on that touchy topic for me is very honestly say that I'm not seeking advice for that and I've made my decision. I dunno if you can do that but strong boundaries around that topic has brought me peace.

Oh wow... this hit very close to home. I'm so sorry you've been through this. I can actually say that I understand because it seems we've had similar experiences with an abusive person. When I was going through therapy the idea of forgivness came up and I hope it's okay if I share my thoughts on this. The way that I understand it is that forgiving the person that did these awful things isn't about them at all, it's about you and your healing. Forgiveness is about changing your emotions and your actions regarding the person that hurt you. Forgiveness is not about "letting it go" and the abuser facing zero concequences for their actions! It's also not about reconciliation because that's not always desirable or even possible. Perhaps you need to figure out how you can forgive this person? For me, it means not giving in to strong feelings of anger and resentment (sometimes I feel so angry at what he did to me and how unfair it was that he got off with such little punishment!), not being bitter and allowing that to seep into relationships with others (my now husband doesn't deserve for me to react to him as though he were the abuser from my past) and it means not trying to create difficulty in my abusers life (boy! would I love to message his "new family" and lay it all out). Of course this is a complicated and painful topic. It's also unique to your individual circumstances. Perhaps you need to have a bigger conversation with your eldest child about forgiveness and what it means to you and to them?

Was hoping to get a physical copy of the book but of course my local book stores and libraries aren't carrying it lol but I got the book and ready to start reading!

Goodmorning/evening you shoudn't forgive him, a person who abused you once he will do it twice and even more... my father is the exact same, but my mom always forgived him.... you do not have to forgive him, you have to heal first do it for your children. I can tell by experience it's better to not have a father if he has to be abusive and cheater.

Yesss I am excited too. Honestly I did a fair bit of research to make sure to bring good titles for yall on this one 🤣 I want to read most of these

Great advice as always!! thank you for sharing this!!

I wanna know if some of y'all have thought of or are using an (IFS) Internal Family System (or something close to it) as a way to cope without having an actual caregiver. Like having a mature presence in your mind, a fleshed out one that acts as a caregiver to your younger part of your self? This have been the case for me for years (and I'm talking more than a decade) although the mature/CG part of my psyche isn't perfect, they took their role seriously and have helped me in soothing myself for years. (Using They to refer to my Internal CG) How they came to be isn't something that I could explain clearly as they came out of nowhere after a traumatic event. I think they developed naturally rather than me being consciously/intentionally making a "Caregiver" part of me. Personally though? I think everyone has a mature "part" of themselves in their brain. It just depends on how active they are in your life and psyche. I get to have a Caregiver that's curated for ME and my needs which helped me lots in navigating life as a whole(which I do talk to, sometimes verbally or through writing letters to them—which may sound crazy but it did help me greatly in maintaining stability. Stability is something that is a luxury for most who went through a very traumatic childhood). They can never replaced an Actual physical CG (someone that you could actually bond with in every sense) but they helped me in the process of getting into any kinds of relationships by discerning the red flags in people I meet and avoiding getting myself (the body and mind) hurt— which little me finds hard because they're too trusting and gullible (ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ) I'm opening this discussion in hopes of getting people (who've done something similar or close to) to discuss about it and talk about how our internal caregiver have helped us. Think of it as us honouring our unseen heroes (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡

Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s beautiful and soul baring. ♥️

@LissyLu @SquirtleSquad @littlegala @Aikko @Zina @RoseyLittle @MyMy This is the topic for your final reviews on the book! So warning if you havnt finished dont come in here or it will be spoiled. Feel free to post without spoilers in this section as those in here have been warned. Use the following template to help guide ypu. You can leave certain parts blank if you don't have an answer. Also this reveiw is a requirement if ypu want the achievement badge for this book! TEMPLATE: Book Title: Rating (1-5 stars): Favorite Quote: Favorite Scene: Strongest Book Quality (Character development, plot, humor, sub characters, angst, ect): Weakest Book Quality (Se previous question): Favorite Character/Sub character: Would you recommend and why: Full Descriptive Reveiw:

My Sun sign is Capricorn but my Moon Sign, Rising Sign, and like 3 of my houses are in Scorpio and that describes me sooooo much better lol: "Capricorns are known for being ambitious, disciplined, and practical, often driven by a strong work ethic and a desire to achieve long-term goals. They are also characterized by their loyalty and responsibility, but can sometimes be seen as pessimistic, serious, or stubborn" -the loyalty and work ethic are about the only things matching "Scorpio moons have intense, mysterious, and complex emotions, a strong need for emotional security, and deep loyalty to loved ones. They are often insightful, emotionally intelligent, and can be fiercely protective of those they care about, but can also hold grudges or be prone to holding onto things." -very much me, every single word lol

My sun sign: Pisces ♓️ (8th house) pisces is empathetic, intuitive, deeply sensitive and spiritual. a sign that feels everything deeply and needs solitude to recharge. ruled by Neptune, planet of dreams, and is symbolised by two fish swimming in opposite directions, representing duality and emotional depth. accurate traits: I absorb moods and atmosphere like water im creative and intuitive I need quiet time to process emotions and refill my energy traits I differ from: im not directionless, once I commit to something that actually matters to me, im all in I don’t idealise people easily, I can see the shadow side I think this is because my Pisces sun lives in the 8th house and is balanced by earth placements (Venus in Capricorn) that gives some structure. I still feel everything, but I’ve learned to contain it. 🌙

Also, if you’ve never heard of Bug Hunter, so cute. I love his songs.

I had never thought of it that way, but you all put words on how I feel. I do have an internal CG! That’s soooooo helpful to realize. For me, it feels like a soothing voice inside my head that helps me take one thing at a time, reminds me to take breaks and to take care of myself. If I had to describe it, I would say my internal caregiver is more like an older (and wiser) version of myself, taking care of my actual self. Thank you all for this topic and all of your replies ❤️

New soul by Yael Naim makes me feel so much. The wonder and curiosity of new things, the mistakes we inevitably make exploring and a feeling of safety from being taken away from it all

I’m a Virgo sun and always curious how that lines up with my personality. I’ve used trusted-psychics to explore zodiac sign meanings more deeply, and it added insight into how my traits connect with daily stuff, like relationships and stress. It also helps me learn more about how other signs vibe, which is fun when chatting with friends who are super into astrology too.

I love this, I always thought it was weird I wouldn't take care of myself without my internal cg telling me to. It just feels depressing until then. When I was single, it felt more like a mothering side of me but now I picture it coming sweetly from my fiancé. It makes me happy to imagine but sad if I think about it too much because he would ever say those things. I'm happy with acceptance though, I don't need him to participate even if I'd like him to. But maybe one day... 🙂

You don't. You use the knowledge you've learned to recognize tactics and cycles. This is how you avoid future bad behavior- getting out before the behavior gets worse. Unless this man has genuinely apologized and bent backwards to right his wrongs, forgiveness is absofuckinlutely not required by you or anybody else he's victimized. I'm a strong believer in FAFO. Actions do have consequences. There are other more meaningful ways to heal, that don't require you to become a pacifist. Utilize your coping mechanisms, positive hobbies, and the people in your life that bring you joy.

only you know what's in your heart and what feels right for YOU. Just know you don't "have" to do anything other than love yourself, and love your daughter! Big hugs my friend!

I just have to say, I felt this moment of awe reading this thread, the collective creativity, vulnerability and wisdom is just beautiful. It can be so powerful when we connect to our inner child work, especially through an IFS lens or any way where we internalize a caregiving energy/role or reparent ourself through our adult ego state. I did many years of IFS with EMDR in my own trauma therapy journey. And I definitely needed the creation of an internal caregiver part. I learned to be able to listen to that part’s soothing and guiding voice when needed, and they are always in my imagined safe space when I need it. I’ve noticed over the years that they got me through periods of being alone as sub/littles too. Like it was this part of me that reminded me to eat or take good care of myself. I actually went out and got a stuff bear Mr. Top, like a gift from this part of myself. I’ve had Mr Top for about 18 years, through different relationships. But this internal caregiver part is a consistent that never goes away. Since being with my Daddy, he added a voice message into my bear from him. But he still ultimately represents the part of myself that will never abandon me. ♥️

@LissyLu @SquirtleSquad @littlegala @Aikko @MyMy @Zina @RoseyLittle @Married_Lg Alright friends we are almost done with our book!! Time for a major checking and it is a requirement for warning the badge for this book read. To check in answer these two questions. What page are you currently on? What book moment has been your favorite (be specific!)?

@shadowrider Thank you so much for such a beautiful and heartfelt welcome. It truly means a lot to be embraced with such sincerity and warmth. The love, care, and intention you've poured into this community are immediately felt, and it's clear this is more than just a site—it’s a home, just as you said. I'm genuinely grateful to be here and honored to be part of something so special. Thank you to the amazing owner and organizers for creating such a meaningful space. Keep up the good work!❤️

*waves frantically* HIIIIIIII GUYS ! 😬 Dad took me to Lush this weekend , and I got to pick out some of their new early releases for Halloween ! Halloween is my favorite Holiday and I’m very much a bubble bath enthusiast , so needless to say IM FUCKING HYPED !!! ^ This one is three in one ! It has bath salts inside , the lid to the space ship is it’s own bath bomb and so is the body of the ship ! ^ Alien head bubble bar ! ^ Cute little ghostie bath bomb ! ^ Cutie Dracula bubble bar !