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@MissNMTX @Zina @RoseyLittle @SquirtleSquad @DaddysCosmicBunny @CuriousBaker Thanks for being patient friends! Sleep has been in short supply this week but the show must go on. Soooooo... feel free to read chapters 37-41. The book is for sure picking up momentum. Please remember to be checking in at least once a week so I dont have to guess if you are still participating. Have an amazing week! Pigtail

@RoseyLittle @MissNMTX @Zina @SquirtleSquad @kimmybunny @DaddysCosmicBunny Questions and new assignments are up friends!!! Its also time for a check in again. To check in tell me wether or not you think what is happening to Devrycks prisoner is justified or not?

Hello all! Pigtail book wurm extraordinaire again! So my sub club The NNC is bustling but the main club here has been a little dead. Soooo I am hoping to bring a little life to it. I am going to do some more posting and such but I would love any suggestions yall would like to see! Also please comment here if you are jyst in support or interested in general! Let's make this the year of reading because I know we all have reading goals we want to make!!! Pigtail

I know what it feels like to not have many friends in real life. That quiet loneliness can ache in places you didn’t know existed. I have people online who care, who show up, who understand me in ways that matter, but in the physical world it feels so sparse right now, and that hurts in its own quiet way. The world itself feels overwhelming. You turn on the TV or scroll your phone and there is no shelter from it. The fear follows you from room to room, like a storm that doesn’t know how to pass. It’s exhausting, and it’s heartbreaking. I wish I had a magic wand. I wish I could smooth the sharp edges and make everything feel safe again. I can’t do that. But what I can do, what we can do, is be here. We are here to listen. We are here to sit beside you, even in the silence. You don’t have to explain yourself or be strong for us. The world may feel frightening right now, but you are not facing it alone. We will walk through this together, one breath, one moment, one small act of kindness at a time. My door is always open if you need someone to talk to

Lately, I’ve been feeling really sad. The kind of sad that drains motivation until even getting out of bed feels impossible. I tried to stay positive, to be uplifting, to push through it quietly. Then I got really sick, most likely from chemo, it hit me hard, so hard I was crawling just to get into bed. Thankfully my stomach has settled, my body no longer aches or feels like it’s vibrating, and little by little, the sadness has started to loosen its grip. I’m writing this because no one really knew how sad I was. I didn’t let anyone see it, I let the depression consume me until I didn’t even know where to begin anymore. I could barely keep a smile on my face, and I had no energy left for anything. It made me start thinking about others. How many of the people who are always cheering others on have laid in bed wondering how they were going to get up because of depression? How many of the “strong” or “happy” ones are quietly carrying more than anyone realizes? That thought broke my heart. There were moments when I wrote small pieces about my sadness, but I never went deep. I never wanted others to see my true broken pieces my true sadness, how heartbroken and emotionally exhausted I was and how I couldn’t see past my own hands. Looking back, that’s when I should have reached out. I should have let others in and allowed them to help ease the weight I was carrying. I’m not sharing this for pity, and I’m not asking for concern or attention. I feel much better now than I did then. I’m sharing this as a reminder. Please check on the ones who are always smiling. Let them know you care. Let them know you’re there to listen if they need a friend. Because sometimes the people who spend their lives making others feel happy are the ones who need it the most. Until next time, remember this: you matter, You are loved. And you are worthy of being loved. -Miss Anna-

@MissAnna Thank you for trusting us with something this tender. What you shared takes so much courage, especially after carrying it quietly for so long. I’m really sorry you went through that depth of sadness and the physical toll on top of it, no one deserves to feel that alone. Your words are such an important reminder that strength doesn’t always look like smiling or pushing through, and that even the most giving hearts can be hurting deeply. I hope you know how much your honesty matters and how many people it will help feel less unseen. I’m really glad to hear you’re feeling lighter now, even if it’s just little by little. You matter so much, and you deserve the same care and compassion you so freely give to others. Thank you for this reminder to check in, to listen, and to love more intentionally. Please continue to be strong and know that you too are special, matter and loved 💛

This has really helped me today

@RoseyLittle @MissNMTX @Zina @kimmybunny @SquirtleSquad @DaddysCosmicBunny Hello all sorry this is a few hours late!!! A nap may have tried to claim my soul 🤣 We are a good 35% into the book so be on the lookout soon for a pole for our midway discussion!!! I usually have a hard time getting folks together but I know we can do it if we set our minds to it. The being said feel free to read chapters 27-31!!! Happy reading 📚

Hey… I’m really glad you wrote. I know that voice that says “don’t bother people,” and I just want to say gently: you are not a burden for asking this. Nightmares—especially trauma-related ones—can be absolutely exhausting and scary, and it makes sense that you’re worn down by them. I’m really sorry you’re going through this right now, especially feeling so alone in the middle of the night. Wanting comfort and a hug is such a human thing. You deserve that care just as much as the people you’re usually there for. A few things that sometimes help after a nightmare (take or leave anything): Grounding in the present: quietly naming things you can see, hear, or touch to remind your body that you’re safe now. Gentle sensory comfort: wrapping up in a heavy hoodie or multiple blankets, holding a pillow or stuffed animal, or even placing a hand over your chest and breathing slowly. Slow breathing (nothing fancy): in through your nose for 4, out through your mouth for 6, just a few rounds. Letting the emotion pass without judging it. Crying doesn’t mean you’re going backward—it often means your body is trying to release something. If rocking helps soothe you, that’s okay. If you notice scratching starting, sometimes switching to something neutral (like holding fabric, a smooth object, or pressing your feet into the floor) can help redirect without shame. I’m really glad you have a therapist, even with the limits right now, and I’m sorry that support feels uncertain. You’ve been carrying a lot for a long time, and it makes sense that you’re tired. Also—this wasn’t TMI. This was honest. Thank you for trusting us with a piece of your mind. You don’t have to apologize for existing, for hurting, or for asking for help. Feel free to reach out anytime. I’m sending you a big, steady, non-awkward hug through the screen. You’re not alone in this moment, even if it feels that way. 💛

Don’t be sorry when you’re looking for guidance. That means you’re smarter than many that would never try to fix themselves. This community is for ppl to either learn or to mentor, as they fit in. Use it. Nightmares are common and unfortunately brutal. I had a lg that stayed here a while and during that time she had some nightmares too. Talking helped but since you have nobody to talk to, that makes it difficult, unless you have access to someone via PM, DM or something. But there is good news! There are some things that work! Even though the nightmare feels real, you are safe now. Even though you feel alone, with communities like this, we are here wjth you. Just reach out! Whatever you do, do not think your feelings do not make sense, as they do. Reach out to me or someone to talk through them. Don’t be shy about talking. You don’t need to reveal your personal traumas. To help you feel better, and without thinking or talking about your trauma, try playing the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding game. It will help your mind switch from the nightmare, back to the present. To play this, try to name: 5 things You can see 4 things you can touch 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell 1 thing you can taste It’s a simple game that is playful but still powerful. Another thing I’ve seen used successful is to take deep breaths and then exhale slowly and pretend you’re blowing out a candle. Do it several times and in the end, take in a deep breath and slowly let the air out like you are slowly blowing up a balloon, and then let the balloon float away. Finally, since you don’t have a heavy blanket, find a stuffed animal or soft blanket or even a small item of your choice and let these act as a protector in your mind. Hold the item close, whisper to it, love it, then it will love you back and protect you. They also love it when you sing to it. I know these may seem like easy things you can do, but they work. I wish I could give you a hug.

@MissNMTX @RoseyLittle @SquirtleSquad @DaddysCosmicBunny @CuriousBaker You know what time it is!!! Qithput further teasing feel free to read chapters 42-46! Also the pole for our midway meeting is up so please go vote! Have an amazing rest of the week friends.

Here’s a fun little activity for grounding and self care! Creating your own little grounding kit. We always have fun running this in trauma group programming. The ‘why’ behind this activity is because when we are activated or triggered, it is hard for us to think and remember what things help us. So keeping a kit stocked by you in your room or a safe place means you just have to remember to open your box. And partners or loved ones can be told about it too. Plus it’s just fun and we can use glitter and sparkles! 💕 You can get creative and decorate a box, crate or chest of any kind. You could use a shoe box, or craft stores/dollar stores have all kinds of ones to choose from. You can decorate the outside and inside, with decoupage, paint, stickers, gems! Anything that speaks to you. Not feeling creative? That’s okay, there’s lots of pretty boxes out there to choose from that you can just pick up and fill. Then you put in things that are soothing to you like: - your favourite grounding tools (maybe a journal, a list of people you can reach out to, breathing visualization steps, grounding technique cards), - things for your senses (could be your favourite scent candle or essential oils, play doh or slime to squeeze or other sensory toys, a suckable candy or chocolate to put on your tongue, BUBBLES TO BLOW!) - comfort objects (could be grounding photos of loved ones or special memories/places, nostalgic items like shells from a trip, a soft stuffie, a letter you write yourself or someone else has written you) - things that focus your mind (could be a colouring or puzzle book, fidget toys, crochet or knitting, a favourite book to read) These are all just ideas, whatever works for you! This thread can be a space people can post their own kits if they already have them, or want to try making one!

@MissNMTX @Zina @RoseyLittle @SquirtleSquad @DaddysCosmicBunny @CuriousBaker Please comment here friends to let me know you are still going forward with us!!! I know some of us have been a little busy but the once a week check in helps me keep it all organized.

Healing is not a straight line, it doesn’t come with a deadline or a finish flag. It takes time, it takes facing nightmares that don’t always make sense. It takes therapy, and often more therapy than you ever thought you’d need. And that doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means the wound was deep. One thing that helped me was journaling. When thoughts loop endlessly in my mind, writing them down gives them somewhere to go. It’s called docking. Taking the pain out of your head and placing it on paper so it doesn’t keep racing, so it doesn’t keep owning every quiet moment. You won’t forget what happened. That isn’t failure. Healing isn’t about erasing the past, it’s about time. Time to breathe without bracing. Time to look in the mirror and slowly stop seeing only the broken child who spent years just trying to survive. The way I coped was therapy. I know how hard it is to take that step. I know how vulnerable it feels. But it helped me understand something vital, what happened to me was not my fault. And what happened to you is not you fault either. Surviving does not define us as damaged. It defines us as resilient. Please remember this: You are not alone. You are not broken beyond repair. And you are worthy of being loved My door is always open if you need a friend

@Snowyy I’m really sorry you’re carrying this. What you’re describing makes so much sense, especially after going through something that hurt you deeply. Nothing about the way you’re reacting means you’re broken or “odd”, it means your mind and body learned how to survive when things weren’t safe. That on-edge feeling and those coping habits are signs of strength, even if they feel exhausting now. Healing doesn’t mean pretending it never happened, and it doesn’t require you to relive or explain it in detail if you’re not ready. It’s okay to move forward slowly. The pain coming back doesn’t mean you’ve failed or gone backwards, it just means your system is still trying to protect you. There are ways to cope without talking much about the past. Some people find grounding things helpful when memories hit, focusing on your breathing, noticing what you can see or feel around you, or doing something physical like walking or stretching to remind your body that you’re safe now. Writing things out privately, creating routines that help you feel steady, or having one small thing that brings comfort can also help take the edge off. None of this fixes everything overnight, and that’s okay. Please be gentle with yourself. What happened was not your fault, and feeling disgust or pain about it doesn’t define who you are. You’re already doing something brave by wanting to heal. You don’t have to do this perfectly, and you don’t have to do it alone, support can look many different ways, at your pace, on your terms. I’m really glad you reached out. You deserve peace, and even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, it is possible to move forward while still honoring what you’ve been through.

@LittleAmbi Thank you for sharing this. I’m really glad you wrote, even if you’re not sure why you did. Feeling that lonely can be incredibly heavy, and it makes a lot of sense that being home so much has stirred things back up again. I want you to know your feelings are valid, and for sure you’re not weak or failing for feeling this way. It actually says a lot about you that you’re still trying: working out, doing chores, looking for ways to care for yourself even when it’s hard. That takes real strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s helping right now. Loneliness is a tough one, it’s not something you can “productivity” your way out of, and that’s not your fault. (And for what it’s worth, you spelled loneliness just fine. I’m really sorry you’re carrying so much, especially with everything going on in the world. When dark thoughts start to feel overwhelming, reaching out like this is a meaningful step. You’re not invisible here, and you’re not alone in this moment, even if it feels that way inside. I’m here to listen, truly. If you want to talk more about what’s been weighing on you, you don’t have to hold it all by yourself. 💛Feel free to follow and reach out to me anytime, even if you want to just say hello!

I'm right here with you if you need someone to talk to. I know how much you loved your kitty cat and I can't imagine the pain you're going through. It's heartbreaking and it absolutely just sucks. They aren't just an animal they become your kids they become your family they become your best friend. They love you unconditionally and when you lose them you feel like you lose a part of yourself. I might not be right beside you but I'm sending you the biggest most warmest hug. I'm right here if you need me

@MissNMTX @Zina @RoseyLittle @SquirtleSquad @kimmybunny @DaddysCosmicBunny @CuriousBaker Alright friends. For those of you that enjoy these here are questions for chapters 32-36 The mystery is really killing me at this point and stopping at the chapter marks is definitely hard. Per usual make sure to spoil your answers and post in the linked topic below. Post here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/64956-nocticadia-question-answers-spoilers/?do=getLastComment

@MissNMTX @Zina @RoseyLittle @SquirtleSquad @kimmybunny @DaddysCosmicBunny @CuriousBaker So sorry friends last night was a giant mess lol. But I know we all have days like that. I havnt heard from a few of you. If you are struggling please resch out and communitlcate as I 100% understand. Without further ado feel free to read chapters 37-41

Thank you for being so kind to me and thank you for your kind offer

Thank you for your kindness

When chemo had you broken, sick and dizzy. When darker times and depression took hold. When you were brought down to your very lowest... one of your first thoughts was still for other people and if they might need help... 😭like it or not, you are a truly special person. ❤️ ... and yes you are right. Those who have felt or still feel deep pain, are often the quickest to offer support, because they are the ones who know how much a kind word or gesture can mean in a moment of darkness. If you ever want to vent to a random 3rd party about how much of a struggle life can be, and how much energy it seems to want to take from you, I am here for you and I think so are a great many people on this forum.

You are a very strong person. I have known other people who have had chemo. It's never easy. Thank you for being a person who cheers others on and thank you for the reminder to reach out to others who may secretly be having a bad time. You never know when someone needs a little extra light in their life.

@RoseyLittle @MissNMTX @Zina @SquirtleSquad @kimmybunny @DaddysCosmicBunny Alright friends here are questions for chapters 26-31!!! Chapter 31 was sooooo amazing. I hope yall are enjoying this story as much as I am. Like usual remember to use spoilers and post in the area linked below. Post here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/64956-nocticadia-question-answers-spoilers/?do=getLastComment

I’ve had people disappear on me too, and sometimes I wish I’d had a bit more context before getting invested. A Social Media Background Check can help spot mismatched vibes early on, like seeing someone’s interests or patterns before things get weird. It won’t stop ghosting, but it can save you from walking straight into another dead end. Sometimes a little upfront clarity makes the whole thing sting less.

Question 30: Question 31: Question 32: Question 33: Question 34:

Reader, I'm just curious, how do we feel about book series? I'm great with interconnected stand alone, duets, and even a trilogy as long as each book matters. But somewhere deep down inside of me I get agitated having to read book after book for just one story! Sometimes, all these series just annoy me. Especially, when I've read several that could be much shorter.

@RoseyLittle I'm the worst book club member! It's so hard for me to slow the pace of my reading. Sometimes I just want to keep reading at least to a different stopping point. I'm been a good girl though and not done that. The upside is I read through loads of other books and set my reading goal for 2026 in the meantime.

Ok love this question because we are all soooo different. I am almost exscluviely a series reader, the one I am on now is 6 books and like 3000 pages. Personally if the story is done well (I read alot of fantasy with world building and such) I will enjoy keeping on reading. I like a largely over arching plot and to me a book or even three isnt always enough. That being said I have read books where I just wanted it over and the occasionall stand alone or duet is a nice pallet cleanser

Question 22: Question 23: Question 24: Question 25: Question 26: Question 27: Question 28: Question 29:

@RoseyLittle @MissNMTX @kimmybunny @Zina @SquirtleSquad @DaddysCosmicBunny Hello friends!!! As prommis3d here is your questions from chapters 22-26! The book is getting very very good and even I am having a hard time stopping from reading ahead 🤣. As usual make sure to post in the correct topic posted below! Post here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/64956-nocticadia-question-answers-spoilers/?do=getLastComment

So lately I keep having the same nightmare over and over and I wake up and I feel disoriented like I can't escape the nightmare as if I'm still walking in it Sometimes it's hard to ground yourself especially when you're still in the nightmare you can't see five things you can't hear four things you can't smell three things and you definitely can't touch two things you just feel so lost and helpless. So for me I talk to myself and I start singing, I start singing all kinds of different songs and just whispering that I'm okay. And by doing that it doesn't make the nightmare any less real, it doesn't make the storm suddenly pass away or erase the panic attacks blooming in my chest. It just gives me a calm moment of clarity to know that I am okay and that I can go back to sleep. And yes sometimes I can't go back to sleep so I sit there staring out the window, it's also thankful for this form because when I can't sleep there's always someone there that will respond and say hey it's okay. Sending you lots and lots of hugs

Hi 👋 I made this bracelet I think its really cute and wanted to show someone its got a bunny bead, a tiara bead, a happy cloud bead, a flower bead, a m bead and a letter p bead which stands for princess! I made it with pink/white/red beads and I tried to make it little themed

WOW! This is such a beautiful, thoughtful activity, thank you for sharing it so warmly. I love how you highlight the why behind it, because it’s so true: when we’re activated or overwhelmed, even the simplest grounding tools can slip right out of our minds. Having a kit ready, created by our calmer selves, is such a compassionate gift to our future selves. And the way you describe it makes the whole process feel joyful and empowering, glitter, sparkles, soothing textures, comforting memories, all woven together into something that’s both practical and deeply personal. 💕 Your ideas are wonderfully accessible too. Whether someone wants to go all-out decorating a treasure box or just pick up something simple and fill it with care, there’s no wrong way to do it. I especially love the mix of sensory items, comfort objects, and mind-focusing tool, it’s such a gentle reminder that grounding can come from so many places. Thank you for sharing this in a way that feels safe, creative, and motivating. It’s the kind of post that makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to try something nurturing for themselves. Keep up the good work!🌿✨ This is such a beautiful, thoughtful activity, thank you for sharing it so warmly. I love how you highlight the why behind it, because it’s so true: when we’re activated or overwhelmed, even the simplest grounding tools can slip right out of our minds. Having a kit ready, created by our calmer selves, is such a compassionate gift to our future selves. And the way you describe it makes the whole process feel joyful and empowering - glitter, sparkles, soothing textures, comforting memories, all woven together into something that’s both practical and deeply personal. 💕 Your ideas are wonderfully accessible too. Whether someone wants to go all-out decorating a treasure box or just pick up something simple and fill it with care, there’s no wrong way to do it. I especially love the mix of sensory items, comfort objects, and mind-focusing tool, it’s such a gentle reminder that grounding can come from so many places. Thank you for sharing this in a way that feels safe, creative, and motivating. It’s the kind of post that makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to try something nurturing for themselves. Keep up the good work!🌿✨

I am so sorry for your loss of both your father and your soul cat, and the deep grief you are having to hold as they mirror each other in ways. Reading your words, what was so beautifully clear was how deeply you love, how deeply you give of yourself and how cared for those in your world are. The kind of losses you are navigating are profound and world shaking, and of course you are heartbroken. In many ways animals provide a bond like no other, an unconditional love, an innocence and even a dependence on us that is just so powerful. As you wrote he was your companion, your love, your reason, your everything. ♥️ And you had to make the hardest choice anyone will ever make with someone they love. You had to choose to say goodbye to him knowing that it would split you wide open, crack you and leave you forever changed. There is nothing right or just about the fact that you had to make that choice. You are allowed to rail at the universe with fury as you grieve. Unfortunately death often invokes existential dread in the other. It is a reminder all things die. Including us. There are many who are uncomfortable with this and that transference means they will say things to you, that is actually to make them feel better. I don’t say this as a criticism of that, so few of us are taught how to sit in deep pain and grief and not try to “fix” it for the other. And so many of us do it out of a place of caring intent. And even more just don’t have words. And really, there are no words for loss as deep as this. But you absolutely are allowed as the person who is grieving to tell people exactly what is okay and not okay to say to you. What is helpful and what isn’t. You’re also allowed to be angry and messy and hurting. So I hope you keep bringing it here. And being gentle with yourself in it. Because you have people here who wouldn’t dream of trying to make it better, and who will just sit in the horrible with you, right beside you, and just be as you feel. ♥️

Tank you for posting this! 💓💓

I recently watched 'Marie Antoinette' (2006) on netflix and it was soooo good! I want to watch more historical movies and I was thinking we could make a list in chronological order. Like we could have movies about the middle ages, then movies about the 1800s, all the way to movies about the '50s! What do you think?

Thank you friend for the compliment. These were for sure some deeper questions with the social aspect. So 32 and 34:

Name: Juju Age: 62 Favorite book as an adult: Sense and Sensibility, Emma, True Blood Series, and The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning Favorite book as a child: A Tale of Two Cities, Joan Of Ark, Wuthering Heights, Ivanhoe ... I read a lot of smut as a teenager, allowed to because my mom decide i needed to learn if somewhere. 🙄 Favorite genre: Supernatural, fantasy, mysteries, historical, (Basically, if it sounds good, and peeks my interest, I'll read anything.) Favorite troupe: rough, take charge (male character), a little pushy, dominate/sub characters (blushes) you get the idea! lol Least Favorite types of main characters: Manipulative , sneaky, and greedy characters, especially when it's a female or one that doesn't know what she wants and whines about it instead of figuring it out. (Sorry, they really get my ire up! lol) One book that deserved a sequel: I really can't think of one right now. Do you read physical books or digital: Physical! The only time i read digital is when I'm going on a trip or something catches my interest and it's only on digital. I don't do Audible. My brain does it's own voices and imagery. 😂 How much do you read a week: Lately, not at all. But, my challenge this year, one of them, is to get back into it. I spend to much time playing games of watching TV. *Disclaimer: I am in Noooo way saying anything against other peoples likes or dislikes. These are just my personal ones.*

@JunleMaster Thank you for sharing this. When someone has ghosted me, here’s what helps me find closure: I gently acknowledge the reality of what happened Being ghosted hurts, and I allow myself to admit that. I try to name the situation honestly, without blaming myself or making excuses for them. Accepting the reality — even when it’s painful — becomes a powerful first step toward healing and moving forward. I give myself the closure I deserve I remind myself that I don’t need their response to find peace. Writing out what I wish I could say helps me release the emotions I’ve been carrying — the confusion, the disappointment, the unmet hopes. This is my way of honoring my feelings and allowing myself to close the chapter with compassion. I turn the experience into self-affirmation I recognize that ghosting says far more about their ability to communicate than it does about my worth. I use the experience to reconnect with what I value in relationships — respect, clarity, and emotional presence. It strengthens my resolve to choose connections that truly meet me where I am. I remind myself that I’m allowed to move on without all the answers. Closure isn’t something someone else gives me — it’s something I build for myself, one kind and courageous step at a time. Please remember, people don’t ghost to protect you; they ghost because they can’t face their own discomfort. Ghosting is avoidance disguised as sensitivity. If they truly cared, they would have communicated—even awkwardly. So don’t overthink their silence. It doesn’t mean you weren’t enough; it means they weren’t capable.

@DaddyDoes69 @MasterPhotog @MissAnna thank you so so much for you guys taking the time to read this and provide your advice and input. I really really appreciate it! Like seriously. I it will take all of these advice notes and keep them with me. Big hugs to all of you!

As the holidays approach a lot of people experience higher levels of stress or other issues and need someone to talk to. And a lot of people would rather not verbalize what they are feeling or going through. You can text HOME any time day or night 365 days a year and someone will text you back to talk. From their site: "How it Works Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the United States – 24/7, free, confidential. Crisis Text Line is here for you. A live, trained volunteer Crisis Counselor will receive your text and respond with care and compassion. They’re here to listen, support you, and help you move from a hot moment to a cool calm." https://www.crisistextline.org/ I also read if you text HOLA the counselor will be fluent in Spanish. If there are other services like this where you live please let me know so we can share them. US: Text 741741 CA: Text 686868 UK: Text 85258 Ireland: 50808

It’s so hard to self soothe sometimes!!! I really understand the struggle. I just wanted to normalize that it’s hard…and it’s not just because we might have anxiety, or anxious attachment, or even trauma. But it’s also because our bodies are DESIGNED for co-regulation. I sometimes feel we have like a cult of independence in the modern world. Like we really push this idea that we can do it on our own, and we have to learn to stand on our own two feet…and don’t get me wrong, I think that is beautiful. And I believe in having a big bag of tricks for self soothing. But… also we were born connected to another human. And the very first soothing we experience is done by others (often touch, sustenance and voice). And if we are lucky enough to have safe childhoods (which many of us are not) we maybe are taught self soothing and regulation along the way of growing up. But even with all that, we will soothe faster with others. Therapists actually learn this somatic trick, when someone is upset in front of them, we consciously slow down our breathing. And we lower our voice slightly. Because unconsciously your body will begin to match ours and calm. That’s how designed our nervous systems are to calm with others. We call it going low and slow. Side note my Daddy is always like “don’t use your therapist voice with me” when we fight and I start going low and slow. *giggles* So I just wanted to put it out there that of course what you really want is to reach out and connect and feel that calming with your person! And be like WOW! You already are doing such great work because you recognize what’s happening for you, you can see it and name it. Tricky thing is that doesn’t just make it go away! Also, object permanence is something we learn as kids, well babies really. Peekaboo is all about object permanence. It’s learning that something exists even when we can’t see it. Peekaboo is magic before this because the baby legit thinks you just disappear under the blanket and reappear and it’s astounding to them. Well, object permanence is part of attachment too! The understanding and trust that your person is still your person even when they “disappear”…maybe because they actually are away, or busy…maybe because they are having an off week and are there but not acting like themselves. Well guess who struggles with this element of attachment the most? People who have lived trauma. For so many of us it still feels like we are playing peekaboo and our nervous systems freak out or “spiral” when are person disappears. Cause everything is screaming at us that they have actually disappeared and our nervous system is prepping for abandonment. It’s completely normal and makes sense. And what we want to do is tug on the rope and make sure they are still holding the other side. I’ve learned a few tricks over the years that work for me or folks I work with. When it comes to our close attachment peeps. Have a back up of them in some way. For me I have a voice recording of my daddy that I can listen to anytime. Some clients I work with have “wallet cards” with a written statement from their person. Others use photos, tattoos, a stuffie from them, a shirt of their to put on. Anything you can connect to that helps you remember they are in your world. Have really open communication with your other about what time away is like and creatively come up with solutions that feel okay for both of you. Connect to other folks for self soothing. Yes that can be a therapist but can also be a friend, this forum, anywhere that reminds you, you’re not alone and you are cared about. Cause you are! ♥️ And yes, work those self soothing skills! For myself, I notice that top down approaches (like going through the mind to calm the body) doesn’t work as well. It doesn’t matter how many times I name the anxiety and gently challenge the cognitions, if I don’t soothe my nervous system, nothing shifts. I find this to be mostly true for trauma clients I work with too. So I prefer bottom up approaches…and not just cause it sounds more kinky *giggles* (going through the body to calm the mind). I find it helpful to do grounding techniques, really letting the nervous system calm. Then it doing some gentle soothing that is compassionate. Then I make sure that from my grounded adult self, I connect to my own child part to let them know they will never be abandoned because I have them. I’m taking care of them too. THEN I can challenge the cognitions and have it stick better. If for any reason, I can’t ground or clients can’t ground. Can’t go through the above steps. Then I distract. Just get through the moment sometimes one breath at a time. Do things to “urge surf” basically. Recognize the feeling won’t last forever and just do what’s needed to get through one moment to the next. Things that keep our mind busy work best. For some it’s a movie, a book, a task. I hope any of this helps in the tiniest of bits. You are absolutely not alone, and yearning for connection doesn’t make you anything other than human.

I created a name tag for everyone to use! If you would like me to digitally add it, please comment below and I will create your name tag for you!

Hello, I think this will be a really fun and interesting club! I'm looking forward to practicing my Spanish skills a bit and also hearing about other people's interests and experiences with language learning ¡creo que español es una idioma muy divertida y me gustaría aprender más con ustedes!

Here's a few more tips from me personally: - if you want to use a pacifier and not a substitute (lollipop, ring pop, chew jewelry), you can wear a face mask and have it hidden! Some people on etsy sell custom masks designed to hold the paci for you! - if Disney music is too obvious or childlike, try piano covers, kalimba covers, or lofi! Or "kawaii lofi", which is my fave, feel free to ask more about it! - put stickers on things that are otherwise adulty and boring, like notebooks, folders, waterbottles, etc (so long as you won't get in trouble) - if you want to color custom printed coloring sheets or just don't want to carry a kid coloring book, hole-punch the pages and put them in a binder. Much more discreet! - fun socks are a really easy way to be little without anyone caring. You can wear them underneath, and they are gender-neutral! I like to wear fuzzy socks personally - if you want your lunches to be more fun, try bento boxes! Adults use bento boxes all the time, and it's fun because it's sectioned like kiddie plates! - a few years ago a post went viral, where you draw a crown on your hand to signify to other littles that you are one too! I do this sometimes when I have to be professional because it reminds me that I'm just a baby pretending to be big! - this helps especially if you are in school or work an office job. Try decorating your supplies to fit you! You can get fun stationary, carry your belonging in a cute backpack or tote bag, change screensavers to something with a cute character, get a calender with cartoons on it, your imagination is the limit! - this one is my biggest tip because I do it the most often. Use your break time (lunch, downtime between classes, etc) to find someplace secluded and let yourself regress for a few minutes! If you are a much younger little or have a harder time coming out of it, maybe be careful with this one, but I know that when I go to my car and read stories online and listen to music, I feel much better!