Overview

Thank you everyone.

I'm so proud of you Poppy! You are doing amazing and you should be so proud of yourself as well 💖 You are an amazing person and you are such a phenomenal teacher ❤️ You are perfect just being you including your little side as well. You are an inspirational teacher, a wonderful mother, an amazing friend, a terrific sister and a beautiful little. Don't be scared to be you 💞 Because I see you and I see how amazing you truly are 💝

Good on you for opening yourself up to feeling. It’s difficult when those feelings are rooted in trauma, so be sure to take care of yourself. But it sounds like you’re aware which is more than most people can say, so you’re well on your way! Hugs to you. I pray you find some peace and solace today in wherever you might find yourself emotionally. 💜

You're more than your thoughts, you're more than your feelings, you're more than your past, you're more than your future.....and you're way for fuck sure more than how others treat(ed) you. 💜

I feel that at least you know your a great teacher and very helpful here to many in the forums and the fact you been able to overcome so much and still be a helpful means a lot in my book

Hey… lots of love from me to you. 💕 That’s a hard place to be in and I personally am there a lot. You voice it a lot better than me. I keep to myself or not know what I am feeling half the time. It’s okay open those boxes one at a time. I have slowly over years it only gets better with time. Truma is deep and painful but getting to the nitty gritty of it all you come out better and stronger. Not trying at all can hurt more than trying in some cases, but protecting yourself isn’t wrong. Take you time and work on your hurts and try again when your ready. There is no rush, relationships are to make you happy not sad or hurt you. If your ready then go for it, but if your not. Take care of you, do things that me you happy. Get to be in that place where you can take a leap. You deserve to be happy ! ❤️❤️❤️

I feel overwhelmed and lost most of the time, but usually I can manage by focusing on being in the moment to get done what needs to be done. I suffered a lot of trauma I'm my life and the answer has been therapy... lots and lots of therapy... In one of them I created a room full of filing cabinet with boxes. When an issue from my past or a triggering event arises, I mentally pull open the drawer and put the issue in the appropriate box to deal with at the appropriate time. Another therapy trained me to be who I needed to be in the situation I'm in at the moment by noticing how others are behaving and mimicking their behavior. Or by studying the expectations of my role for that position. (As a teacher, what is the expectations and responsibilities, then do exactly that). Another therapy taught me to jump to action instead of fight, flight freeze... but we're still working on the fawn issue... I still try to make others happy to avoid getting hurt... There are so many more, but what it boils down to, is who am I? All I am is a pile of trauma, and layers of coping skills to lead a productive life.... I'm very good at pretending because I do it all day, everyday and it's exhausting... I love the reassurance statements that I'm not too much and I am enough, but really... can it be true? Can my life get better? Can I climb out of this pit to blend all of it together to find who I am? In the moments that I am real about who I am... I feel so little, so young, so weak... it hurts to be there, yet I want to stay there and be held ... be accepted.... be loved...but time and time, and time again I find I cannot make safe choices in that space. I don't know who I am and it's scary... so I turn it off and protect myself...which gets me hurt even more...😢

Sorry for the late response @MissAnna But thank you and thank you to everyone following my journey

Sending hugs! Sorry you are going through this. Its hard while things like this happens. You are a strong person and things seem hard right now, but u did get some good news.

It's the 5th time this foot had been broken in 12 years.... I also broke the other foot 2 years ago and needed surgery and a metal pin in it... the positive this time was I did not need crutches, a walker, or a wheelchair.... I feel ancient when I need assistive devices to walk.... plus the longest time I've worn a walking boot is 7 months after walking on a broken foot for 4 months before the doctor saw the break... I know it will be ok... I'm just u comfortable with my big emotions...

I mean I have those days as well , I sure hope you heal tho I can’t imagine having a bum foot for so long

I think it's a great idea! Reach out to Shadow! It may take a bit for him to get back to you, but he's super helpful, reliable and honest!

It's like a herd of elephants stomping around in my head today! So many crazy thoughts! I just wanna cry, scream, throw things, laugh, and snuggle Puppy, Care Bear, and Mama Foxy all at once! I put myself to bed early... like at 7:15 early, but now it's 8:40... I'm still my phone, and I'm hungry...sooo I'm gonna eat some of that baguette I bought today from Panera and make a bottle of strawberry protein shake and a bottle of water... I gotta relax... it will be better in the morning... sleep helps...

Of course! I am happy to help. Deep rooted feelings take time and it is important to express them. I am thinking of reaching out to shadow rider and proposing to start a topic for positivity, encouragement and happiness. I would try to post a few times a week with positive quotes, uplifting stories from around the net and possibly interviewing members and sharing their stories about challenges in their lives that they have overcome. The latter would have to be generalized and anonymous of course. I could definitely use a little's perspective to make this sharing and positivity even more meaningful if shadow rider gives a thumbs up and I know you could greatly contribute! My one question is do you think others would benefit from that? I have noticed a lot of the clubs and topics get a few posts at the beginning when they are started and then after a little time most of them stop having people post or respond to postings. I appreciate hearing your thoughts

Seem like a lot going through that head of yours but at least some progress made on your foot

Thank you for your kind words. I hadn't thought about how I was hurt in littlespace... I was actually supposed to be with online friends that night but stuff came up and I was alone, so I've been harboring a lot of resentment about it. This is a time I need to let go of my anger, feelings of rejection and hurt and forgive. Thank you for helping me see a bit of myself more clearly.

Hey Baby Manda, that sounds like a really tough road. And lonely. And to add insult to injury it happened when you were in little space doing what you were wanting to do. If I am understanding, it sounds like you feel like everyone has let you down. And you are on your own. And you feel right now you can't get back to the little space you so want to get back to. I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. In my opinion, it is good to use the coping techniques you have learned. And it is also important to be able to express yourself in whatever way you need, as long as you aren't intentionally hurting anyone (I am not saying you are trying to or meaning to do that). I did not find this post offensive or harmful in any way, just honest and raw. I sincerely hope you continue to find the courage to post your thoughts and feelings, and that this community listens and supports you. From most of the people I have met, I think they will! Have a nice weekend 🙂

5 months ago I broke my foot... I can share here what really happened... I was home alone over night finally🥳🎉 and embracing my little self to the fullest! I put on my Princess Jasmin costume, and my diapie coz when I start down the littlespace rabbit hole there's no tell what might happen! 🤭 I grabbed my favorite paci and clipped it to my top.. filled 2 bottles... one with protein drink (milk), and one with water... grabbed some baby puffs, Goldfish, applesauce pouches, and a baby sweet potato pouch... found my favorite stuffies, turned on Princess Jasmin and started dancing barefooted in my living room! It was GLORIOUS!!!SPECTACULAR!!! SUPER FANTASTIC AMAZINGLY AWESOMEFIC!!!!! Then my phone goes off....with my child's ring tone and I tripped mid spin, falling onto the couch...my foot hurt really bad, but my child's desperate pleas quickly snapped me right outta littlespace and into parentspace. My pain temporarily forgotten as I rushed off to help my kid.... As it turned out, I really should have gone to the doctor that night, instead, I waited almost a week before I went in to have my foot x-rayed... then it was definitely fractured, but I have a congenital deformity in my feet and my local clinic won't treat it, so it's back to my orthopedic specialist for next steps... but the pain was beyond what I can handle, even with the daily pain meds I take and it was Thanksgiving, so I waited another 2 weeks before treatment for the injury.... Then a walking boot, limited exercise, rest, ice, compression, elevate... the usual... come back in a month....only a month later... the fracture is wider! No signs of healing, and the bone next to it that broke 12 years ago is reopening (non union fracture) .... so in January I have had 7 weeks of a broken foot, now with 2 broken bones! Continue with resting it, wear the walking boot come back in 6 weeks.... Happy Valentine’s Day!! On Valentine’s Day... still no healing... both bones are completely open now... it must be my weight, or something in my body nit working right.... go back to regular doctor and get referrals for weight loss clinic, rheumatology, endocrinology, GI, psychiatrist, anyone and everyone... you are doing something wrong! Come back in 2 - 3 months.... It was a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day......😢😭 I saw my doctor.... shared all the concerns...doctor says we need to pick one place to start....rheumatology, GI, weight-loss clinic, psychiatrist.... GI gets canceled due to blizzard...rheumatology says a buncha nothingness... weight-loss says you're already on everything we can give you, see a specialist... psychiatrist says listen to your body, the doctors are shaming you instead of listening... find new doctors... how about a minor adjustment to help you sleep? (Hallelujah!!! Praise Jesus!!! Amen Brothers and Sisters! Sleeping better helps the pain, weight loss, anxiety, depression, food cravings, and mental anguish! She's a genius!!!) Endocrinology is in September...added Immunogists to the list...still waiting.... Recheck on my foot today: progress! Some healing...minimal pain!!! I can slowly (over the next month) transition with 1/2 days in shoes again! Boot at work! I need new custome orthotics for my shoes and prolly new shoes... originally the orthotics were going to be good for 5 - 10 years or even life... now, with how severely damaged my feet really are, I will need new ones every 2 years or every time I break my foot... new shoes (specialty also) every 2 or 3 months.... It's sooo hard to stay in a positive place with all of thing! I really wanna hate on the people in my life that made this such a big problem for me! My family and the medical staff that missed the diagnosis of a foot deformity when I was a child, when it could have been fixed. .. my ex hubby who drove over my foot with a car, causing a crush injury, my co-workers who refuse to help me when I need it, my family who are bitter that I don't visit for holidays and "waste my money on myself" when I'm actively seeking treatment for health issues. Even "friends" in the DDLG community who I accidentally hurt by asking too much of them when I was struggling with so much physical, emotional and psychological pain and triggers these past 5 months. Today feels like a step forward, but also a step backwards. It brings all of these feelings back to the surface at once... shame and guilt over my behavior these past few months and lost or broken friendships embarrassment over my inability to be 100% independent and self-sufficient, yet longing to just be taken care of confusion over all my emotions hitting me at once hatred at my inability to cope with stress in a productive way that doesn't injure my body through the effects of toxic stress jealousy of the support I see others receive so easily and a longing to find that peace myself fear of never really being able to be accept who I know I am in my heart and fear of being all alone forever as this cycle continues to repeat more frequently in my life - it's not ok to drag others through my mess anxiety at what could happen with this transition to shoes (last time i broke my other foot and needed surgery and couldn't drive for e months) and about the cost of everything ... it's so much and I'm all there is... Just so much! I know there is hope because there is always hope. It has been worse, so much worse that words do not exist, but I'm so tired... I'm tired or finding the positive in the midst of the negative... I just tired of being strong when I'm really so weak and hurting.... I know the right things to do, so that's what I do... fall back in the 1/4 of a century of therapy behaviors I've learned... one moment at a time... deep breaths... grounding techniques... guided meditation... growth mindset... Mindfulness... distress tolerance...emotion regulation... self-care....daily routine...meds... find people every day to say hi to so you don't isolate... be in nature...exercise...eat healthy... drink water (coz I gave up: alcohol a decade ago, caffeine, processed foods, lactose, corn products, and I'm working on refined sugars, and gluten)...make a list focus on a task... set goals, make steps and mark off the steps you achieve...gratitude journal daily But when do I get to be free? When do I get to really be myself without question or concern or judgements?When do I get to post without revising 10 times and waiting 30 minutes to make sure its a positive enough tone, not offensive and well written? When can I be crabby and grumpy, or hyper and chatty without thinking about how it makes someone else feel? And when will someone put me first? Just once? When will someone care for me, too?

I have done EMDR my first experience was actually very traumatic, initiated by my mom and someone she knew personally... they targeted a trauma I wasn't ready to process and worked daily, intensively over 8 days on Spring Break... not the best... then 2 or 3 therapist ago, I tried it again and it helped a lot more. My current therapist uses it a bit when I escalate in session. I've also done several rounds of DBT (dialect behavior therapy). It was originally designed for BPD, but helps with trauma, depression, anxiety, co-dependency and a bunch of other stuff, too. It's pretty amazing! I went through the first 6 months when I was 19. Then 20 years later, I did another 6 months in a group, left the group and met with a therapist for about 6 months (somethings happened within the group that were not safe and triggered me, so I had to wait for people to move on before rejoining), then I returned to the group for 2 more years... I love the mindfulness exercises and I'm really good at distress tolerance(coping skills)... I was about 75% on emotion regulation (self-care).... relationship stuff... not my best...40% on a good day... I think I'm better now, but it takes so much daily awareness to keep growing! DDlg definitely helps me a lot!

You have to wear one of those fashionable boots huh? 😅 I hope the appointment goes the way you want it to tomorrow! Pain making it difficult to sleep is the worst. I work in the medical field and hear patients say all the time they can't sleep due to pain. It is a really big problem...a pain in the butt, I mean foot 😜 I read on your profile that you are a teacher in the lower grades. Chasing kiddos around with one of those boots has to be a challenge!!! Sorry to hear your child is sick...ugh, no fun. Nothing worse to me than seeing a child sick. Having a friend to lean on is what we all need sometimes to help us through the hard times and make the good times even better!!! I am glad you found someone like that who you can spend time with 🙂 And I feel honored that you opened up a little about your trauma. I too can feel closed off around people that remind me about what has happened in my past and I can at times disassociate, you are not the only one. I know how it feels to have anxiety trip you up. It makes it hard to think and get words out at times. I will think a woman is cute and my mind just goes blank 🤣 Trust is something that should be earned. Those of us who have experienced trauma in the past do tend to take more time then maybe some others do to trust people. But it is understandable as we are just looking out for and taking care of ourselves. I am happy to hear that you recognize some of the patterns from things that happened to you in your childhood, like people only saying nice things because they wanted or needed something. The first step is recognizing.I have been told to pay close attention and recognize that not everyone else is like our family of origin and not expect to get treated the same way by others we meet. Have you ever tried EMDR therapy? I would be happy to message with you about it if you like. If you follow me I will do the same and send you a message

Thank you @Warmandfuzzy for asking. I believe that life never gets easier, we just learn how to walk through it better! My house is still a mess, I never heard from housing, but they came in this week to change the locks, replace the smoke detectors and fix some concrete, so they saw the mess... and my ex here with my sick child. It's not a good thing, but it's my reality. I actually have another appointment with the orthopedic specialist tomorrow about my foot. Hopefully it's healed enough I can stop wearing the walking boot finally. The pain was better this week, and I'm sleeping a bit better. I still need to work on routine and eating, but one day at a time. Work was overwhelming the past 2 weeks and I really needed littlespace to help me relax. Thankfully I have found a really great friend to talk to about little stuff! Just watching a movie together and coloring can be the difference between finding peace and staying overwhelmed. I still feel very insecure around Daddies, Doms, and most men... it's got to do with my trauma. I desperately want a Daddy's attention, affection, and guidance, but when it happens, I get so triggered or regress super quickly! Then I'm a bumbling, fumbling ball of anxiety and I forget who I am, which isn't a good thing. I need to be certain I am stable in who I am before moving on with another Caregiver. I feel very sad about this, coz I know a Caregiver could help me a lot with my stress and routine problems, but it is where I'm at in my trauma healing process and I need to be ok with my own needs. Trust is so incredibly difficult for me and I've had so many negative experiences, that it takes a tremendous amount of effort to trust anyone. Maybe better put this way. I recently posted some pictures of my pacifier collection on the forum... several others commented how cute I was and loved what I was posting.... very kind, sweet and appropriate things to say, but I am constantly waiting for the negative comments to start... waiting to see who "hates on me" for my choices or because of who I am... because that's how I was raised... if anyone ever said anything kind, it was because they wanted or needed something from me. Not because I was worthy or deserving. In some ways, this was a positive because I learned to work for what i wanted and needed. The negative us tgat all my Caregivers have struggled with me on this coz it's worse when I regress. When I'm an adult, I can control my thinking and choose to say and do the right thing, and behave in the expected way. But when I regress, I tend to loose control and my real feelings bubble up. This is not ok for every day people to deal with, so I see a therapist and I frequently overwhelm her. Trauma is a lot. I'm not completely lost, but I do need to stay present to avoid hurting others.

Hey Baby Manda, that sounds like a challenging day indeed. I know you posted this a while ago but I wanted to write a quick note to check up on you and see how you are holding up? I find that in our hardest hours in life, when we are left alone with ourselves, is when we find the courage and strength to carry on. We find that the candle burns brightly inside our hearts as we walk through our darkness. And it sounds like you did just that "looking for the truth beyond my feelings." Good for you! It is true that having others at our side (DD, friends, family) makes this journey easier and others can lend a helping hand, teach us things we don't already know, or make us accountable. But no one can give us what we don't already have inside ourselves. You are enough!

Hey Dangerously_Well, you ask an important question. In the field of Psychology, many believe that a person's emotional age is suspended when they encounter a traumatic event, especially in childhood. This is compounded with repeated trauma. Many neurophysiological changes can occur, sabotaging brain development and interrupting the encoding of memories. I am brand new to this world of DD/lg, but have been living a life dealing with the fallout of trauma. With that said, I cannot directly answer your question as I have not been in a DD/lg relationship yet. I have been offered, but I am not rushing into a dynamic of such vulnerability willy nilly, that would be silly 😜 What I can say is that interacting with others on this website has allowed me to access my younger self and embrace the child like part of me and let that part have a stronger presence in my daily life. The world we live in expects responsibility and to behave as adults. Those of us with trauma often don't have a chance to live our childhood with fun and abandonment, free from this shackling responsibility. It is nice to give vent to a side of myself that is more free and can evade the world's expectations for a while. At the same time, as someone who would eventually look to be a DD in a relationship, I see it as a chance to embrace the better part of myself. What higher calling is there in life then to love and care for others? Being a DD would allow me to be challenged and grow into more of who I want to be and to earn the trust and love that a lg chooses to extend to me. This would be the exact opposite of the adults that surrounded me in my life who selfishly misused their power to abuse others. I see the DD/lg dynamic as an opportunity for a DD to be better then what came before, to reach for our highest selves and hold out our hand in partnership to a lg to provide them love, care and stability that they were denied in their own childhood. It seems it can be a lovely thing (DD/lg) when done with the right intentions, motives and placing the others interests first. That is what I see. Thanks for the question

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this, I'm so proud of you though for being so brave and coming out and sharing your story with us. Your story is one that shows bravery and adversity through all of it. It takes courage to be able to speak up what you went through. In times like these is when we need friends, someone to lean on someone to talk to. we are here for you, we hear you, we see you and we love you. Your strength shines through everything you've been through, you are so strong so brave and so kind. We are all so lucky to know you and have you here with us. Therapy can be hard and scary at times, one step at a time, one day at a time. I understand about not being able to look down at the little pigtails, it's hard because you still see that inner you that inner child broken and alone. That takes time to be able to look down at yourself inner child to know that you are not broken and you are not alone. You're doing great though, you are, and in time you'll be able to smile at yourself in the mirror, knowing you one the fight. Your past does not define you, it just showed you how strong you truly are. Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved, and you are worthy of being loved 💖