Overview

Thanks @innerchildtml 💜 🌈 💜 Your message was really nice; it helped me feel understood and appreciated. It's been awesome getting to know you. 😊

Thank you for being vulnerable here. That is very hard to do. I have some understanding of what this might be like. My daughter has CPTSD from before her time with me. Its like shes always fighting her brains responses. Its go to is the sky is falling, everything is bad, and no one likes us. First huge hugs to you. Like big sully from monsters inc hugs. Second and this is hard, you have to give yourself grace. My kiddo said the DBT therapy was the best and she uses those skills all the time. Every day is work though and thats hard. We are your friends and you can always message me and if the forum is working I got you. Your also welcome to another method if that would help. I have gad and our brains struggle a lot and we second guess everything. Girl all I can say is I got you. Im sure there are others who would say the same. Its hard these days not to feel lonely and touch starved. Im with you. Know you are loved and there are people rooting for you.

I’ve noticed ghosting usually comes from fear or discomfort, not malice, so I try not to take it personally. Clear boundaries and simple check-ins have helped me avoid it on my end.

Hey you guys Im gonna post cuz I don't know what else to do. It feels really weird to put these words and thoughts out here... I guess it's vulnerable and I tend to avoid vulnerability. I thought it might be good for me to share from a place that I don't normally. Anyways, my therapist might agree with that. So, I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a young kid. My sense of myself was formed around having a belief that there was something wrong with me (thanks invalidating childhood 🙄). Mental anguish and the need to struggle to survive are constants. Ive been diagnosed with cptsd and gad. I guess it's hard to explain but maybe there are some of you out there that understand this personally and I don't have to try to say anymore. Depression and anxiety just ARE. I've had loads of therapy and I have a therapist now. And I'm not in any danger of self harm. Here it goes: I am so desperately sad, lonely and scared. It almost feels like my depression and anxiety has leveled up to autoimmune levels. I mean to say that any good thought, hope and attempt at lightness just seems to get attacked by a part of my brain that is looking to snuff out any lightness. I think this is a self defense mechanism that has gone haywire. I used to be happy and light and I got hurt, so I think my brain is keeping the happy suppressed in an effort to make sure I don't get hurt again. My mental health struggle has been going on for so long....this whole year has just been so horrible. Its been going on for so long that I'm scared that I won't be able to heal from this. I'm worried I'm going to get so used to this horrible, blah, scared, feeling that my brain and self will forget any other way to be. I keep hitting rock bottoms, with not enough recovery time in between. Life events just keep happening. Difficult things, normal things....I no longer feel resilient to life. I have always been scared to face life, and I wonder somehow if I have self fulfilled that angst. I wonder if I'm being trapped by my own sense of being trapped! I feel numb. I feel surprised that I am still going. Im just waiting for the next horrible/normal life thing to come along and wring out my energy and sense of strength. I am soaked in the feeling that I don't want to do this anymore and I just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head. When did this get so hard? I mean I thought it was bad before but now it's worse. I'm also so clearly dealing with this by isolating. That's why maybe writing this here is a good idea. Who knows maybe it's not. I just don't feel like I'm good enough for a relationship. And I really want one. 😔 I feel fine to connect with others when I feel fine but when I feel bad I always make sure to hold that part back. Im keenly aware of exposing this side of myself to others because it just so vulnerable. It can hurt when others don't know what to say. It can be so heavy when others' words....don't really fix anything. This depression and angst just seem to wear away at relationships. And in the mean time I'm feeling more alone than ever. It feels like the greater the need the more I have to be careful....like I'm holding back a dam of emotions and I might be too much for someone. That's another hard part. No one can fix this. Only me. And I'm trying. I do therapy, I'm trying to learn what actually helps and works when I'm going through something like this. Im so angry at me. Im so angry that I put myself in these positions to suffer. Im so mad at the choices I've made in the past. Im so angry about my life circumstances and it's me who put myself here. I would either intentionally choose the difficult path out of sheer stupid stubborn ego or even me just needing to figure out how to manage my mental health....I feel like I make it so hard for myself. I wonder if a part of me wants to suffer or doesn't think I deserve good things in life. It's like I expected life to be miserable and difficult so I....made sure it would happen...? Is that right? Why would I do that? Fear of failure? I used to practice more mindfulness, I had a mental framework for managing emotions and getting through life. But something has shifted. Something isn't letting me believe in that old way of thinking anymore. I notice a part of me is angry and stubborn; pushing away at any positivity. I don't want to do good things right now or maybe even ever. I used to believe in meditation, mindfulness and emotional regulation practices. I teach them at my job for christsake!! I wonder now if its all just bullshit. I feel so dumb when I think about how much ego and confidence I used to have. I feel like it doesn't matter how much I knew about mental health practices because I still ended up like this; more depressed than ever. Questioning all my life choices. In the mean time I'm lonely and constantly looking for friends, validation or to be important. To be someone who is seen as happy, strong and worthwhile having around when sometimes I feel the exact opposite of those things. How do you all WORK on this part of yourself WITH yourself????? What the heck am I missing here?

Awesome share! (Ps hi! 👋 Long time no talk)

Trigger warnings: death, suicide?, religious talk Hi, hiiii! I haven't been active on here in a while. I'll blame it on my trying to survive some canon events. ANYWHALES Just wanted to share some stuff from my diary (I know, it's oversharers galore over here....and past my bedtime ehehe....) cos I WANNA and maybe it'll hit right for someone, although it's lowkey on the poetic side, because that's just how my brain and thoughts go unfortunately (pardon my informal language, I've been feeling old lately). The woman I want to be: - Is confident in her own mind, mindset and abilities - Is neither strong nor soft, but fluid. - Focuses on her own perception of herself, rather than how she is perceived by others - Is unafraid of being challenged, because she is always pushing herself to her limits - Can be a loser, because a loser is humble and that is always more honorable than being an overconfident winner. - Can see the fun in everything. - Can disappoint people and be fine with that - Can learn something from everyone and anyone she crosses paths with - Is prepared to die any day, because she is fulfilled every day. Not because she's running away. - Can only focus on her own spiritual, emotional and holistic journey. God is there to guide everyone else and I am not the most knowledgeable. I can only live as an example of my belief systems and if that inspires people along the way, then good for them and me. I am not a teacher or preacher. I am a learner, a loser and a lover. Don't know if this counts as a ramble, but it's what resonates with me and the person that I want to be. Lately, I haven't been feeling like myself or the person I want to be or see myself as. Sending you love, hugs and lucky ladybugs!

Thank you for your kind words! Have a wonderful weekend and happy Easter to you, too!

Thank you Poppy, your suggestions they are very helpful. I will look up the weighted hoody I think I would like something like that. I also where tight clothing under my cloths. It makes me feel so safe and relaxed! 😌 I often get disregulated because of work. I really like my job (I work at a farm) and I don't want to leave. I can just have a hard time sometimes. I like the push-ups idea bc I can do that in the work bathroom whenever I need a minute to relax. I've gotten into the noise canceling headphones, I'm just a little embarrassed about them. It don't want to come off as rude. But I know if explain it to my boss he will understand. I'll generaly where them when I am alone they make me feel like I'm in my own safe bubble of quite. Thank you so much! You mentioned so many creative ideas. I'm glad to know I'm not only one with these struggles. I hope you have great weekend and a happy Easter. ~💛Pichu

You mentioned a weighted blanket... I recently learned they make weighted sweatshirts for adults! It's a sensory thing to help with self-regulation! They can get pricey, but they don't need to be the fancy ones. Just a simple one will work. I also wear a onesie or body suit under all my clothes because the tightness helps me physically hold myself together in public or at work. I do wall push-ups when I start to feel over stimulated and those can be done in a bathroom stall at work or in public. I also hold an ice cube in my fist for 10 seconds to flip my brain from emotional to logical thinking. If I don't have access to ice, I put a cold paper towel on my forearms for 30 seconds. Another thing I do is Stomp it Out... when my legs need to move and my emotions are all mixed up, I stomp hard as I can in giant elephant stomps. It lets out my feelings without hurting myself or anyone else. I carry a small stuffy at all times and hold it when I need to have something to squeeze in my hand. Noise canceling headphones are wonderful. My oldest has sensory processing disorder, specifically auditory and she had to listen to special music 3 times a day to help calm her. Now music is something she does to remain calm, too. It has to be specific rhythms or beats in the background that sooth her, but it works to keep her calm. If light bothers, maybe some sunglasses even inside. I know that's a tough one, though coz I hear the lights. It's not just that they're too bright, it's also that they're noisy. I miss quiet lights. I use lamps at home as much as possible.

Hi @redruffle41, thank you for your thoughful reply! I really appreciate it.🫶 Yeah, I have more tactics and tools in the sensory department than I do in the meltdown department. I have noise canceling headphones as well as some earplugs, both of which are very helpful. I'm actually thinking of getting a second pair for work. 😊 I found the advice of pushing hard against a wall (or doorway) with my arms locked or if I'm sitting, with my back against the wall and my legs locked to be helpful. I will definitely be trying that! I have sorta done the ice thing but instead lowered the temp inside my house to make it cold. That numb feeling is grounding for me. Personally, I would be hesitant with the ice in fear of frost bite, all though, I have never tried it so you would know better than I. I think also having the concept of something to grip hard is also helpful. I don't have the type of head board you described but I for sure can find something ridged that I can apply pressure to. That pressure you described is exactly what I am looking for. In terms of pain and self***m. For me I avoid causing pain bc it can quickly escalate to actions that I don't want to take. I do think though what you described is a safe way for me to gain agency over my mind and body with out hurting it. Thank you so much for choosing to take time to help me out. It makes me feel seen, heard and like I'm not alone. I hope you have an amazing day. ~💛 Pichu

This is absolutely awesome, keep up the good work @redruffle41

Are you sure? I have lots and lotsa songs.... especially happy ones... and bouncy ones, and ones that pour out all the goop from inside and leave you feeling better... like Fear is a Liar by Zach Williams Smile by Sidewalk Prophets

YW... but also @BabyPoppy.... Add a song or two when u think of it ok!?

This is awesome! Thanks Em! 🥰🥰🥰

Hi everyone!!! Can I just start a special music playlist for folks who are looking for healing? It can be whatever song helps you feel/express all kinds of feelings about the effects of trauma and what it means to heal. You Will be Found - Dear Evan Hansen Soundtrack What was I Made For- Barbie soundtrack My House - Matilda movie soundtrack Fix You- Coldplay Ex Factor - Lauryn Hill Hold Us Together- Matt Maher When I Look to the Sky- Train Little Wonders - Rob Thomas Shine your Way - Owl City At All Costs - Wish movie soundtrack I am Moana (ancestors song)- Moana movie soundtrack What it Sounds Like - Kpop Demon Hunters soundtrack The Story - Brand Carlile Here's the YouTube music link https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpa_dd22kI4d879jy4GG6U5BJJuJUDu4d&si=rx2xcuzd5t4ak2gM What playlist would you make for yourself or a friend? Feel free to add to this or make your own. What matters to you most when you listen to music, what do some of your favorite songs do for you??

Hi 👋 @babypichu5 Thanks for your message and for being open to feedback. Gentle things to calm yourself are good and it sounds like u have a practice with sensory needs like low light, soft texture and weighted blanket. (Add noise cancelling headphones? They're about $50) But if you're about to explode IMO you need something that's going to answer to that deep well of anger, anguish, fear of annihilation that is a meltdown. To avoid the self ***m stim would it help you to find a place where you can PUSH your arms and /or legs really, really hard? A doorway can be a good spot, a bed with metal bars, or a small nook with walls that are close together and feels safe. For me, this is what feels good: if I can find the sweet spot where my arms can lock and I can engage my whole body without hurting a joint. If I'm sitting on the floor (because I've fallen there, lol) I love pressing my back into a wall using my straight legs. A hallway that's the right size can help or closet. I can hold a pillow to my face, add an ice pack to the face (someone can bring that to me if I'm melting down and set it next to me silently. I don't have to use it but I don't have to walk to the ice box if I need it either. This is a way for them to support that feels safe for everyone) and wow. Cold pain can really help get the energy out. If I'm on my bed I lay face down (scream into that mattress yo!!) and I press my hands into the metal bars of my headboard. I lock my arms. This is wonderful bc the mattress provides enough give for me to be able to find that sweet locked joint place for my shoulders and elbows but the mattress also PUSHES BACK AGAINST MY PUSH. It's so so helpful. A note about self***m and the need for pain: The contact from the bars on my palms can hurt a little and that's ok for me!! I don't know where you are with self***m but for me I have a relationship with pain that's ok for me to cause myself pain. The bars don't cut, they're rounded and not sharp. So the pressure is deep but not sharp. I have indentations after, never bruising. But this may differ for you in the amount you use this. My holds tend to be brief. Maybe 60 seconds at a time before I get tired and need to reevaluate. I understand everyone is at a different place with self***m. But I wonder if needing some pain is ok. And I think it's smart to avoid the harm from hitting your head or kicking that may hurt your leg or ankle. I do think kicking heels into the ground while lying on your back is ok. I have a gymnastics mat for that. If you need space to thrash around make sure your go to spot has enough room so u don't hit yourself on something hard. As a pre coping mechanism you can have someone lay on top of you, kneel on your back with knees on your hips and hands on your shoulders, or they can practice standing on you and giving pressure. This is good to practice when calm so u can communicate but maybe you can build up a practice that helps?

Hi friends 🤗. I would like to brain storm a problem together and see what you think. I frequently deal with emotional disregulation due to changes in routen and sensory processing disorder (spd). This can results in a meltdowns and shutdowns, I'm autistic, a fellow aspi if you will, so this is just comes with the territory. 😣 I have taken steps to try and mange my spd (thats a whole nother topc for another day) but can't manage meltdown well. I can suppress them up until appoint. Heck, I can even acknowledge when one is coming on but in those states I lack the mental capacity to acess the rashional side of my brain to find a solution. This delay in response easily yeids at best, a shutdown and at worst, a meltdown. One of the curent stratiges I've been wanting to impliment is to create a calm down corner and list of simple instrutions so that when I feel these feelings coming on, past me has made a plan for current me tackle the situation. Some context that can help guide answers are. -I hate noise and light when I am stressed.😖 -I love fuzzy, squishy, and smooth textures.😇 -I like deep pressure like a weighted blanket.😇 *mild trigger warning* Self-h**m mentioned. Skip the hidden paragraph if that topic causes you stress. Also another helpful detail, I lose the capacity to translate complex thought into words and often will result to grunts, yells, and screems to express emotion or "communicate" needs which is not productive and is distressing to me and the person trying to help me. When I calm down I mange to speak and have the simple speech patterns of a three year old. All that to say is I regress quite a bit. Again none of this negative behavior is on purpose it's not the same as having anger issues but is a nervous system issues (please feel free to ask me questions on this and I can clarify and answer as best as I can). To tie this all together, my question is what steps or rituals would you suggest I take as part of my written instructions for dealing with emotional disregulation as well as what sensory based activities should I implement to help myself calm down and reduce dangerous stims? 🩷 Thanks a ton for reading this. It means alot to me for someone to read my honest thoughts and reflection. It feels like apart of me gets to be seen and there for not alone. I look forward to interacting with your responses see your perspectives. Sincerely, 💛Pichu

@redruffle41 This really resonates—thank you for sharing something so personal. It’s a reminder that even the “on-the-fence” parts of us deserve a voice, too. Here's my two cents worth: That feeling of being “split in half” and sitting in ambivalence is something many of us carry, even if we don’t always say it out loud. There’s something powerful about putting it into words the way you did—it transforms something heavy into something we can actually sit with and begin to understand. I appreciate that you returned to your own writing when you were feeling emotional. That says a great deal about the kind of space you’ve created for yourself—almost like leaving a light on for a future version of you. Writing can do that in such a beautiful way. For me, reading and writing have been ways to make sense of the in-between moments—the ones without clear answers. They don’t always resolve the ambivalence, but they do help me feel less alone within it. In the first scenario, I feel positively about all aspects of the little girl’s character. As her mentor, I would welcome the opportunity to support her in building self-esteem and confidence, and in helping her feel proud of herself. However, I’m less comfortable with some/many aspects of her character in the second scenario. Existing between these two extremes and grappling with both sides suggests that you’ve engaged in a great deal of honest, difficult reflection—and that takes real courage. The way you describe these parts of yourself doesn’t come across as “too much” or “not enough.” It reads as someone who cares deeply, feels deeply, and is trying to find a way to be both safe and open at the same time. You’re not alone in that tension. Many people move between giving too much and then pulling back out of fear of being hurt. Neither side is the problem—both are trying to protect you, just in different ways. That warm, loving part of you isn’t something to dim or apologize for. The goal isn’t to stop loving easily, but to pair that love with boundaries so it is respected rather than taken for granted. And the more guarded, insecure side of you doesn’t make you a burden—it simply reflects areas that need care, reassurance, and time to heal. The right people won’t see that as “too much work”; they’ll meet it with patience rather than try to fix it. It may also be worth gently challenging one belief you mentioned: loving easily does not mean you’re not loyal. Loyalty isn’t defined by how many people you can love—it’s reflected in how you show up once trust and commitment are established. Those are skills that can be developed, not traits you lack. You are not “either/or.” You’re someone learning to integrate both sides—to hold onto your softness without abandoning yourself, and to protect yourself without closing off your heart. And that kind of growth doesn’t make you harder to love—it makes your love more genuine, more grounded, and more sustainable.

Hey folks I wrote this last year. This helped me when I was feeling emotional. I've always felt really split in half and on the fence about everything in my life. Ambivalence is my middle name. Thanks for checking it out and plz feel free to comment and or say what writing and or reading does for you in your journey. red touch yellow..... The little girl in DDlg. I love her. She wants to play and explore. She wants to crawl into your lap and have you explain that you're doing. She wants to be loved and loving with you. She is everything good, light, and innocent that she can be. She also wants to fuck and have you play with her panties and do naughty special things. All around she's a dream. The little girl in DDlg. I hate her. She's weak, insecure and needs constant validation. It feels like an empty hole that would never be filled no matter what. When that hole opens up it wants to swallow everything and everyone around it so that nothing; blackness, is all there is left. Run. Run away from her so fast. She will never be ready for a healthy relationship. She's toxic from the day she was born and no matter how hard she works in therapy there's no u doing that damage. She can only learn to live with it. She will never be your golden princess because she hates everything that she isn't capable of being. And somewhere between these two I exist. I wrestle both of these bears. And believe me they are both work. Cuz cute little golden light of happiness girl gets herself hurt so many times it's unbelievable (sometimes over and over again with the same person). She's easy to love for sure but that doesn't make you special. She would give that love to anyone bc that's what good girls do. No boundaries. No self protection. So as Loving as she is there is very little loyalty from someone who loves so easily. You're gonna love how easy I am and learn to mistrust me at the same time. And that little black dust mote of a girl with all her insecurities would need so much guidance, support and therapy from you that the relationship would just have to end eventually. And maybe I would be better off but would you? After helping me and providing guidance where would you be? You have been warned....bad for a fellow.

thank you so much! everyone here is so awesome. but thank you for for these words. i wanna thank everyone for their words. but i'm doing better but am a lil down still but i'm doing okay. especially after that vent and just seeing these comments help so much. then i made a friend who is awesome on here and who has helped a lot too. and the support here is just it warms my heart to know i am not alone. i'm so happy I joined this site and club. i happy i have somewhere to go to be myself and to just let go even for a lil bit and not be judge yk. just yeah i don't wanna seem like a broken tape recorder but thank you so much everyone. i've been on my own a long time and to have this is awesome. and thank you i've been listening to music and trying to get lost when i can a lil. but later i am gonna sit down and lay down with my stuffies and cuddle under my blankets try and watch a movie. and talk to my new dom bc ik i have to talk to him about this and be open and honest ik communication is key with any relationship yk. so imma do that. tho imma a lil scared to open up with him about it. but not like omg scared but just to be open with someone is something else and new like on here yk imma be brave tho. then i'm gonna try and get lost on here ( not in a bad way lol ) and try and make new friends and have fun. but just imma slip into my little space a little for me later when i can yk if that makes any sense lol. imma try and take a moment for myself yk lol. okay let me stop with the ramble lol. but thank you again you're awesome and i am gonna take a breath, drink some water, and get through the day and keep my head up with a smile and thank you for adjusting tiara 😁

Hey @little-faith please come here for a second 🤍 gently adjusts your tiara — it hasn’t fallen, not even close. First, thank you for trusting people enough to share all of that. That’s not “overdramatic” — that’s courage. You’ve been carrying so much for so long, and the fact that you’re still here, still trying, still choosing to be kind and hopeful? That says everything about your strength. And that “I’m tired” feeling… I hear you. That deep, soul-level exhaustion isn’t weakness — it’s what happens when someone has been strong for a long time without enough rest or support. It makes sense you feel this way. You’re not selfish, and you absolutely have the right to feel it. You’ve been through things that would’ve knocked a lot of people down completely — and yet here you are, still fighting to keep your head up, still caring for your mom, still trying to stay positive. That’s not someone slipping… that’s someone holding on with everything they’ve got. But here’s the gentle truth: you don’t have to carry the whole weight perfectly all the time to still be a “princess.” Even princesses sit down, cry, rest, and lean on others sometimes. Strength isn’t just pushing through — it’s also allowing yourself to pause. So if today all you can do is: take a breath drink some water get through the next hour that counts. That is you still wearing your crown. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it. And you don’t have to prove your strength every second — you’ve already proven it a thousand times over. Your tiara isn’t slipping… you’re just tired. And tired people deserve softness, not pressure. I’m really glad you spoke up. Keep going — but gently, okay? 🤍

thank you very much really these words made me smile and mean a lot. i'm just idk in the feels i guess at the moment. and just imma try and keep my head up really the best i can bc that's all i can do. and imma try and stay positive lol. and thank you for the tiara you're awesome. thank you.

@little-faith, I promise no one can take your tiara away. This post was your cry for help, but you spent the first three paragraphs trying to make sure everyone else was ok and thanking the community. It doesn't get any more true princess than caring about others during your moment of crisis. Your tiara is not something you put upon your own head. Tiara's are placed upon your head by all those around you, and all those who know you. Even me, reading your post and writing this response, I place a tiara on your head. It is one of a very many and I promise it can not fall. I think perhaps the primary issue is that you are very tired. When you are so tired it can be hard to feel special and princess like, even when you are. Where you have been through a lot emotionally, especially with the recent worries about your health again, I would consider if you are suffering from something similar to ADHD burnout. Stress can interfere with dopamine production, and low dopamine is what causes burnout. I hope you will be able to find some time to rest and relax soon. Remember to put yourself and your health first. Do not worry about your tiara slipping, it is everyone else who will keep it where it belongs. 👑

i get that and i understand i've just been more in my feelings lately with everything that i am going through thank you for replying like really it's nice to like be heard like this yk and i'm just trying to stay with my head up and i do have a therapist and i'll be getting a social worker soon as well i'm just all over and something happened that tipped the ice berg yk but i am getting through it.

And also, if your title to this post is a true then you get all the recognition, hearts, love, stickers and praise from me and all of us cuz holding all the things that life has for you, holding yourself and holding your mom while you do it is BIG GIRRRL SHIT. Maybe you're not a princess but a queen