Overview

Today I am grateful for the ability to garden. I was able to put a bunch of new plants into pots. Also for new friends. I have had the chance to chat with so many people and it helps keep me moving.

You're very welcome and I look forward to hearing from you.

Today I am greatful for: - You all. Your words made me smile. They reminded me that its not just me choosing to see the good in this life. I have a community as well working to see the good. 🩷 - That today was an incredibly productive day. At work I got to get a variety of things done. -That I'm seeing improvement in my mental and physical health since changing my diet. This has lead me to missing fewer days of work and that makes me so happy. I'm very proud of myself for that one bc its been a long time comming.😁

Hello, @MasterPhotog, thank you for your thoughtful reply. It brought me joy to read your kind words. I would really love for this thread to be a place that people can expirence encouragement and positivity as part of their journy. Thank you for considering me for one of the leadership roles. I am interested, though I would need more time to get settled in the club be for becoming one of the leaders. I'll reach out to you at the start of next month, I think by then I should be settled. Thank you for setting up this club and giving all of us a place to have support as we heal and flourish. 😁

Hi, @innerchildtml, I'm glad to hear you like the idea! Great job on chosing gratitude in the midst of a trying season of life. I'm proud of you keep up the good work. 💛

These are fantastic!!! So happy for you @innerchildtml

I love this idea. - Today I found new succulents and I bought an Orange Tree - It rained today. We always need the rain - My Kermit the dog has been super snuggly today and he is calm enough to pet. His anxiety has made that hard lately. - I ate two meals today, both healthy. Life has been hard so its good to remember to be grateful for the little things.

@babypichu5 This is such a beautiful and meaningful idea—thank you for starting this thread. It takes real awareness and courage to create space for something like gratitude, especially in TLC where people are navigating tough moments. What you’ve shared about not needing to feel good to acknowledge something good is incredibly important, and I know it’s going to help a lot of people here. Congratulations on kicking this off—this already feels like the kind of thread that can quietly become a cornerstone for the whole group. The intention behind it is strong, and the way you’ve framed it is both compassionate and practical. I’d also love to invite you and others, who are interested, to take on more of a leadership role in the group, if you’re open to it. The care, consistency, and thoughtfulness you’ve shown here are exactly what helps communities like this grow into something truly supportive and impactful. Having you help guide and nurture spaces like this would mean a lot. Really grateful you’re here and that you took the initiative to start something so uplifting. Looking forward to seeing this grow and to sharing in the moments of gratitude together. Keep up the good work and continue making TLC an amazing part of the Forum 💛

Reading your gratitudes brought a smile to my face. It sounds like you accomplished alot. I'm happy for you Poppy. 💛

Love this! Mine may sound simple, but they are really big for me! I am grateful I talked with both my kids today! I am grateful I rode my recumbent bike today for 5 minutes! I am grateful I stayed out of bed all day! I am grateful I was able to cook and eat 2 healthy meals today. I am grateful the forum was working and I was able to send a few friends gifs to encourage them today!

👋Hey everyone, I wanted to make a thread where we post regularly about things we are greatful for. All of us are apart of this club because we are going through something. I have learned in the midst of heal and working through tough stuff, it's easy to overly fixate on our pain to the extent that it consumes us. This thread is ment to be a reminder that even in your dark moments and pain there is always something to appreciate. In terms of posts you can post about anything that you are greatful for, something good that happen to you, or an accomplishment that you are proud of really anything that made you smile or was a win.🏆 A note on depression: For those that struggle with depression, like myself, if you did a good thing or a good thing happened to you, you don't have to feel good to acknowledge that you did good or experienced good. The gratitude might not always take the pain away but it's a helpful practice to intercept a drespression spiral. The goal of this thread is to be a resource to help anyone going through a hard time to feel better even if it's for one moment. Feel free to post as often as you want and if you find it helpful visit this thread when you feel down. I'll check at least twice a week to react and comment. Please be encouraged. You are strong, capable, and good things will happen to you. 😊 ~ 💛 Pichu My gratitudes and accomplishments: 🩷I am greatful that I got to talk to my best friend today, it was special bc I got to hear some encouraging words from her. It made me feel hope that I can change my life's course for the better. 🏆I am so proud of myself that I told my husband good things about my day instead of complaining like I use to do.

@innerchildtml What you wrote is so real, and so human. There’s nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way—even the parts that feel confusing or like a step backward. Grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t stay in one place. Sometimes it waits until the shock softens, and then it asks you to carry it in deeper, heavier ways. The way you described it—being unable to stop or unable to start, things losing their joy, your mind not feeling like your own—that’s something a lot of people experience in grief, even if it’s not talked about enough. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your mind and body are trying to process something enormous. And the “small” things you mentioned? They’re not small at all. That sauce stash… that’s love. That’s memory. Of course it hurts. Those moments can hit harder than the big ones because they’re so personal and unexpected. You’re also carrying so much responsibility on top of that loss—making every decision, trying to function, worrying about others. That’s a heavy load for anyone, let alone someone grieving this deeply. It makes sense that it feels overwhelming. Not having someone to hold you through it… that kind of absence is profound. I’m really sorry you’re facing that. You deserve comfort, softness, and support, even if it has to come in different forms right now. You’re not letting people down. You’re surviving something incredibly difficult. Getting out of bed, making a decision, even writing this post—those are not small things right now. It also makes sense that it feels harder now than it did at the beginning. Early grief can be shock and adrenaline. Later grief is where reality settles in, and that can feel even more painful in a different way. I’m really glad you shared this. Even if you didn’t expect anything back, you deserve to be heard. You’re not alone in these feelings, even if it feels isolating. If today is heavy, it’s okay to just get through today. That’s enough. Please continue taking one-day-at-time while trusting better days are on their way.

Heard. Thank YOU. 💜

i'm so sorry sweetie! I know you know this, just remember grief is a process. You're gonna have good and bad days, rest and repeat. if you're on discord and there as well feel free to send me a follow and I'm happy to give you my info if you ever wanna chat. I've kind of been slacking but a lot of us use the Finch app. It's great for setting goals and little chores and we all try to support each other, maybe something like that could help give you a little bit of structure. and it's super cute!

I'm here to listen if you need a friend.

I have felt like I was managing grief okay. Sadness is normal. The panic attacks were new, but I already have OCD and anxiety so that made sense. I have never had serious depression and with my OCD I try not to start compulsive behavior. Im finding getting to sleep each day is getting harder and getting out of bed is even harder. Im finding either I cant stop moving or cant start. And while im completing stuff nothing seems to bring me joy the way it used to. I know this is part of grief and my doctor is following me and will adjust meds when needed. I just hate that I thought I was doing okay and now Im struggling more than I was right after AJ passed. I thought watching my husband pass would be the hardest thing I ever did. Apparently I was wrong. My brain refusing to function making me feel unlike myself is the worst. Not having someone to hold me through the tears is worse. Feeling like I am letting others down or making their lives harder is worse. Crying over stupid things, like finding a stash of my favorite chicken strip sauce he kept just in case is worse. As someone who is used to being in control at work and being directed when not, being fully out of control with no guidance is worse. Having to make every decision from big to small is worse. Feeling like no one really knows me anymore and most likely will not is worse. I don't expect anything from this post or group. I just needed a safe space to write. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Poppy, Thank you for sharing this so honestly. I’m really glad you finally have a diagnosis that fits—that kind of clarity can be powerful, even after such a long and difficult road. It sounds like you’ve carried so much for so many years, often without being heard or understood. And yet, you kept going, kept searching for answers, and kept building a life—that matters. I’m really encouraged reading that there’s now a plan in place and a team looking at the full picture. The path ahead may not be easy, but it is forward. Step by step, like you said. Wishing you steadiness, support, and continued moments where you recognize yourself and think, “I like me too.” 💛

@andy332 First off, the fact that you’re even asking this question says a lot more about you than you might think—in a good way. It means you care, you’re self-aware, and you want to grow. That’s already the opposite of being “a loser.” You don’t need to become some completely different person overnight. Start small and focus on things you can control: Take care of your body (sleep, movement, decent food) Work on something that gives you a sense of progress, even if it’s slow Build a couple of solid habits instead of chasing big dramatic changes Reach out to people—friendships don’t have to be perfect to matter Also, it’s worth questioning that label you’re putting on yourself. “Loser” isn’t a fixed identity—it’s usually just a story we tell ourselves when we feel stuck or behind. Everyone hits that phase at some point. If you can, aim for direction over perfection. You don’t need to have everything figured out—you just need to be moving, even a little, toward something that feels meaningful to you. Keep in mind that you’re not as far off as you think.

No and I don't care to

Hello @babypichu5, you are so very welcome and it makes me extremely happy to know that I might have help you even in the slightest. I didn't have the chance to properly edit the post so please excuse all the typos. If anything is unclear or if you'd like more details please reach out. I wish you and your Daddy the best of luck in drafting the perfect plan for you, together. I know that with the planning, preparation, and practice you'll achieve your goals quicker than you ever imagined.

Have you tried therapy?

How do I not be a loser

Hello @sfh702, thank you, thank you thank you! 😆 Your response is what I am looking for, it is structured that integrates my sensory/nervous system needs in clear strait forward manner. I plan on using your response for my meltdown chart (a chart with simple instructions on how to safely handle a melt down). I can't wait to show my Daddy, we have been trying to find something that works and this might just do it. Thank so much! 😁 ~💛Pitchu

Hi Pichu 💛 From what you wrote, you sound very much like my foster little. She and I coincidentally have been dealing with this almost exact situation for the last couple of months. Our solution was to came up with a very simple to follow plan with very simple procedures to help her avoid and if necessary navigate through stressful situations and conflicts that may trigger meltdowns. You seem to be very self-aware and know what your patterns are. This is a huge necessary element in “bridge the gap” between noticing a meltdown coming and having a plan to execute in that moment. Your self-awareness has made bridging this gap a very solvable problem. Outstanding! Before creating any plan, we need to know why we doing this and how do we know we’re done? By identifying the objective, this is your end goal will guide everything! Without clearly stated goals you have no reference for success or failure. Objective: Create a simple and easy to follow plan to prevent meltdowns when you know one is building or navigating through a meltdown if triggered. When a meltdown is building your first goal is to regulate your nervous system through your body. Staying calm, cool and able to think clearly is everything! Always remember you will not to think your way out of a meltdown, you know this because your personal history has shown that the more you try think in that moment, the more you will lose focus. Our procured is to now follow the steps you’ve created to keep calm, clear and cool. Don’t improvise or try to think your way out of the meltdown. Following the steps is now your primary plan of action and in order to ensue actual use of plan under duress the plan must to be as simple as possible to flow. It needs to read like a simple recipe not a decision matrix. Equipment and Space: What can we use to help us? (based on YOU specifically) Since you: • Dislike Noise + Light • Love Soft Textures • Like Deep Pressure Your space could include: • Low light (lamp instead of overhead, or even a dim corner) • Noise-canceling headphones or earplugs • Weighted blanket or hoodie • 1–2 very satisfying textures (fuzzy, squishy, smooth) • Something sturdy to push against (wall, mattress edge, or firm cushion) • Optional: cool pack wrapped in cloth (not direct ice) Keep it minimal if possible. Too many options can make it harder in that state. I have a very large list of equipment my foster have tried and currently uses, I’ll post with links when I get a chance. Your “Meltdown Card/s” will be the most important piece of equipment and should be considered your primary tool. Make a physical card or poster with VERY simple steps. So simple that 5 year old should be able to follow without much difficulty. Simple and easy to follow is what we need. Example ⚠️ MELTDOWN PLAN 1. Go to corner 2. Headphones ON 3. Lights LOW 4. Wrap in blanket 5. PUSH wall (10 sec) 6. Squeeze object 7. Breathe slow You can even add icons or drawings so you don’t need to read. A Simple Regulation Sequence (body-based) Here’s a structured “flow” that I drafted for my foster: 1. Reduce input immediately • Headphones on • Lights down / eyes closed This stops things from getting worse. 2. Deep pressure • Weighted blanket • Tight clothing • Curling up or compressing your body This helps your nervous system feel “contained.” 3. Heavy muscle work (VERY important for meltdowns) This is where your body releases that intense buildup. Good options (you already got great suggestions): • Push hard against a wall or doorway • Wall push-ups • Press back into wall with legs • Grip something rigid and hold Think: “use full body strength safely” 4. Safe sensory intensity (instead of harmful stims) Since you mentioned wanting to avoid harmful behaviors, this step could matter a lot. Try: • Squeezing something very firm • Stomping (like “elephant steps”) • Pressing feet hard into the ground • Holding something cold (wrapped, not extreme) The goal is intensity without injury 5. Simple breathing (after body work) Not complicated—just: • In for 4 • Out for 6 Or even just: • “Slow… slow…” Breathing works better after the body is calmer. Communication when words are gone. Since speech drops off, you could prepare: • A signal card (like “I need space” or “meltdown”) • Or even just a colored card (red = not okay) So you don’t have to explain anything in the moment. A few small steps that could really help in the longterm. • Practice when calm Do your “push wall” or “wrap in blanket” routine before you need it. That makes it easier to access during stress. • Short bursts > long effort 10–30 seconds of pushing is often enough, then reset. • Have a “starter action” When you feel it coming, don’t think, just do step 1 automatically (headphones or go to corner). One more thing, you’re absolutely right that it’s not anger or intention. It’s your nervous system going into overload. The solution isn’t about getting control over yourself, it never was. You objective is supporting your body earlier using the plan effectively for you to help yourself stay yourself in that moment. Good luck with everything and let me know if you ever want more details to what we came up with or just to talk.

On Monday I was finally diagnosed with PTSD. My therapists, psychiatrists, and the shelter workers have been treating me for this for the past 10 - 14 years, but my medical teams have seen many more things posted in my medical records from my first couple of years of college. I really struggled when I went to college. I struggled because I was on high dose, hormone alternating medication for my asthma and allergies. My family had also denied any abuse was happening to me as a child, told me I was lying and a bad kid. Plus, my primary abuser was reaching out and telling me I was lied to, but he just wanted to be there for me. It was a perfect storm for mental anguish and confusion. It was happening at the perfect time for all these new psychopharmocology things were happening with SSRIs, SNRIs and all the other new meds to treat mental health were just coming out on the market. I was crashing from hormonal imbalance in my adrenal glands and physical illness, but it looked like depression. I was struggling to build healthy relationships, express my emotions at an age appropriate level, and feel safe in new environments which looked like BPD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder/Panic Disorder. I was reliving past experiences that I was told never happened, having nightmares, night terrors and completely dissociating for extended time periods which looked liked Dissociate Identity Disorder. I could go on, and on, and on... because no one believed me. Because I couldn't trust my own thoughts, emotions, feelings, even beliefs about myself and the world. The meds they fed me triggered spontaneous mood swings, reactions to meds I should never have been on based on my current genetics profile (hind sight is 20/20) and allowed for a diagnosis of bipolar 2, which has led my medical team in treatments for over 25 years. My chronic pain, was an over reaction, not fibromyalgia and of course no one treated it other than a simple pill. They didn't try education and lifestyle change or working with my therapist on stress management. My endometriosis was just me being sensitive til the GI specialist found several 5.5 cm cysts and ovarian torsion... several surgeries and a hysterectomy later and the doctors still don't understand why that was so difficult for me to face. 🤦‍♀️ The chronic migraines, the severe GERD that's led to Barrett's Esophagus, the newly diagnosed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, a broken foot that won't heal and re-opens regularly... my medical teams were unsuccessful because they saw bipolar... but I never had a manic episode... As I sat for the evaluation at Mayo last week (and an addition eval a few months ago), they both said that the cause of my symptoms was what was important, not the symptoms themselves. If my depression symptoms were only present when I was in pain or sick to my stomach or other health crisis, then it wasn't actually major depression. It was a physical problem, causing the depression. If my anxiety was coming from a desire to feel safe or out of fear for my safety or the safety of those I'm responsible for, then the diagnosis is PTSD, not GAD, Panic Disorder... The flashbacks, nightmares, night terrors and dissociating are all part of being severely abused and then repeating those patterns over and over in my life because Ididn'tget the help I needed. . It's not Dissociate Identity Disorder. As for the bipolar. She cannot 100% say no, because if I had 1 hypomania and 1 depression then I could have that diagnosis, however, I lived without my meds for 4 years as a single mom after the birth of my first child. I worked, finished my 4 year degree and found full time employment. I only started back on meds when my body was in constant pain and I couldn't sleep, so I went to the dr for help. They saw bipolar and immediately started me on meds without any testing.... (my regular dr was on vacation). So changing my meds will need to be done very carefully. Now there's hope. We're going forward with the PTSD diagnosis. Hopefully that will continue to help me find healing and wholeness. There's a plan for my therapist and psychiatrist going forward. It will not be easy, but there's a plan. I am going to the Pain Rehabilitation Center at Mayo in June for 16 days. They blend physical therapy, occupational therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and biofeedback together to help me build a healthy framework for my life. Together we will decide the next steps in my life. Do I continue my current role as a teacher with children who come from challenging environments? Do I change jobs to something part time out of the public eye? Minimize triggers and provide structure to my day. Do I look at disability? I've been down that road before. It's scary and difficult, but if that's where I'm at, then we head that way. Everyday is another step forward. Fear is part of the story, but not the whole story. Everyday I gain a little more freedom and learn more about who I really am. And I like me. Poppy 💕