I know this is a couple of months old, but this time of year it can be really difficult. I have dealt with my tiny humans fathers and trauma from both of those relationships. It is very painful and therapy can help, but can also hurt. Please know you are not alone. I really related to these comments: Once I allowed myself to feel all the pain, anger and hurt, I was able to start healing. I had to get it out begore i could "forgive" or let go. Then I could start to let go of the revenge feelings I had toward them. As I walked through this path, I discovered that it was so much bigger than just my feelings. My whole body remembers trauma and it takes many different strategies working together to bring wholeness. I'll list a few examples that helped me in the beginning, but please know that if they don't work for you, it is ok. Some of these worked for my tiny humans, too, just in case yours needs help. - Cardboard box and a screwdriver - pound on the box til you are exhausted and your feelings are out. - Tearing old paper into tiny bits, crumbling up old grocery adds or newspaper, tearing apart free magazines and junk mail - destroying things helps. - Crumpled paper balls and throwing them as hard as you can at a target. - Stuffing grocery bags (Walmart or similar) - the plastic ones if you still get them, into a trash bag and using it as a "beating bag". When the bag gets a hole, add another trash bag. When it gets low add more bags. - you can use pillows or blankets in the bag too, but they are almost too firm. - There are places to go where you can break things... I have some dishes in my trunk waiting for the time to go break them... - Screaming pillow... or giant squishmallow... in a screaming corner. - Pounding fists and kicking feet on your mattress... - Play-doh... punching, slapping, rolling, smashing... - Scrubbing everything (I didn't think i liked this but it helps). - Foam bats.... they are fabulous! - Piñata... - Gardening - Beating rugs I used a lot of different strategies. Currently I do morning exercises to focus me and stretches throughout the day. Some days it still hits me hard and I need to ask for support. Or just sit and cry with my paci, holding my stuffies. It's been huge that I can now ask for support more appropriately and get my needs met in a safe way instead of finding myself in unsafe situations. Feeling my anger, fear and sadness has allowed me to grow through the pain of my trauma. What he did to you was not right, but getting help and working through this is such a big step! Remember it is a process. What happened to you was painful and finding peace after is your journey. Going at your pace is the best way to proceed. If forgiveness is your end goal, it is possible, but first comes working through the feelings. Big hugs and please know you are not alone.

I love your amulet! Fuzzy AND Hogwarts - yes please. Guide - okay get ready for some next level cheesiness (but cheese is delicious and you can’t have too much right?) but this community is one of my guides. Everyone’s voices here (like great big hive mind 🤣), the general spirit of the place. I’m able to come here for connection, fun, guidance, witnessing, support.

There’s no words I can add to the group wisdom here which is so beautiful - so I just wanted to take a moment and just let you know what a gladiator you are. And not from a place of toughing it out, we are sometimes our most courageous when we our vulnerable and when we allow ourselves grace and compassion. You are being so brave and kind to yourself. A colleague once showed a spoken word poem about anxiety group by Catalina Ferro (hilariously in our group therapy program) and it always stuck with me even years and years later. The reminder that the crushing driving force behind anxiety is the desire to be okay, to live, to be accepted, to do a good job, to be safe. And the way those who walk with it in their every single day are such warriors. I’ve put it in a spoiler box because it has swear words in it, and dark humour in terms of anxiety, therapy, and other various mental health struggles. So I wanted folks to have trigger warning on that. But it’s also powerful at the end. ♥️

@marshmalloww Thank you so much for sharing this, it takes a lot of courage to put words to something that feels so heavy and confusing. What you’re describing makes so much sense, and you’re definitely not alone in this. That moment of realizing “oh… this isn’t how everyone feels” can be both relieving and deeply painful. Feeling calm for the first time and grieving the years you didn’t have that is a very real and valid response. Nothing about that makes you crazy, it makes you human and aware. It’s also incredibly common for anxiety to spike when you start therapy and begin working through trauma. You’re loosening long-held coping mechanisms and your nervous system is learning new ways to exist, which can feel overwhelming and exhausting. The shoulders-up-to-your-ears feeling is such a familiar sign of how much your body has been carrying for so long. Being competent, decisive, and high-functioning at work while feeling undone by “small” things at home is something so many people with GAD experience. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or inconsistent, it means you’re using a tremendous amount of energy to hold things together during the day. Decision fatigue is real, and it’s okay to need softness and simplicity when you get home. Accepting the label can feel frustrating, enlightening, and grief-filled all at once. That tension you’re feeling around acceptance is part of the process, not a failure of it. You’re learning how to meet yourself with more honesty than you ever had space to before. As for “toughing it out,” many people find that the real shift comes when they stop trying to be tough and start practicing gentleness instead, letting rest be productive, letting emotions exist without fixing them, and speaking to themselves the way they would to someone they love. Progress isn’t linear, and the days that feel harder don’t erase the work you’re doing. You’re doing something incredibly hard, and you’re doing it thoughtfully and bravely. Please know that many of us have walked this path and recognize exactly what you’re describing. Be patient with yourself, healing is slow because it’s deep. And you’re already moving forward, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it. Keep up the good work and best wishes!💛

Such a great thing to remember! Amulet I find fuzzy blankets comforting. I just got a new hogwarts 1 for Christmas from a family member. I love curling up under them or even snuggling close to it. Only downside is my dog loves them too and steals them 😂😂

Y'know, I have the hardest time just accepting it. But I know that's the truth. Its feel harder sometimes. Its a slow process but im working on it! I appreciate you and your twin!

The videos were very interesting but I absolutely never heard of these two steps that MasterPhotog shared "Emotional and social support Use the STOP method: When feeling emotional, use the "S-T-O-P" acronym: Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed mindfully. This helps avoid impulsive reactions. Pause before decisions: For big decisions, implement a waiting period (like 24 hours) to avoid impulsive choices. I am AuDHD but because I work from home (and never managed to find a combo of meds that worked with my Wellbutrin) I don't take anything for the ADHD part of that and I'm always looking for tips like this to help me manage it better. So thank you @MasterPhotog and @Daddy Bear 77 for sharing and thank you to everyone that has contributed their own tips!

I don't have this but my twin does (I got the Persistent Depressive Disorder from my mom and he got her GAD). I asked him your question of "How do you tough it out and still be kind to yourself?" and his answer was "You don't. Sometimes you just have to feel it and not be tough in order to be kind to yourself". I know for him a big help has been channeling that anxiety after work into something creative. Lately he has been sewing but before that it was poetry and making bracelets. Pretty much anything that doesn't require serious decision making and lets him focus on something else. It sounds like you are doing the work by doing therapy and recognizing when your anxiety is building though. Just remember to make space for yourself to not be perfect and to feel your feelings. We are all here to remind you how awesome you are when you need reminding 🫶

Oh! I have a sanctuary too... my bed 💗! That's covered in stuffed animals and ungodly amount of blankets and under pillow twizzlers lol. I also crawl in here when I need to just peel off the world and be small. I would say i have a map, its something my coworker told me that i keep in the back of my mind. 3 P's - Most things aren't perfect, personal, persistent. It helps me reframe a lot of things.

Im feeling very high stress amd anxious and figured it would help to just share. I've started therapy and working with a psychiatrist and have been diagnosed with GAD. I always thought that it was normal that I have always been tense and that the pressure in my chest always sat heavy and my ever racing mind were just normal. I felt crazy when I started fluoxetine because all of the sudden I was calm for the first time and then sad that I had never experienced that before. Since starting therapy and working through some trauma, im experiencing higher anxiety and with work stress I notice my shoulders are up to my ears. I find it frustrating and enlightening to have this label. I think what throws me off is being a very serious decision making person throughout my work life and still feeling like world crashing around me over random small things. Then having decision fatigue when I get home. It exhausting. Has anyone experienced this as you've worked through your own stuff. How do you tough it out and still be kind to yourself?

I love this! I have a little fox necklace that I use like this as well! I don't go into unknown situations without it. For Sanctuary, mine would be my blue couch in my room. I call it my reading couch and I have my pillows and blankets on it so when the world is too much I can go hide in my little cozy corner.

I have an "Amulet"... a palm sized, mini pink squishmallow I put in my pocket when I need her. I call her "Little Foxy" since I have a giant squishmallow fox named "Mama Foxy, a pillow sized one named "Foxy" and small one named "Baby Foxy" (who likes to chill in the collar of my onesie and try to steal my paci while I'm coloring!), and a Fox onesie sleeper I lovingly call my "Foxy Jammies" .... Anyways... back to Little Foxy... I carry her in my backpack all the time and when I need her, I stick her in my pocket and she's there for me. I can put my hand in my pocket and give her a quick hand hug whenever I need reassurance. Or I can hold her while I practice my deep breathing. She's super soft and gentle.

♥️♥️♥️ Every moment you challenge those old scripts is a courageous radical rebellion on your part. You are so freakin brave for doing this work in your journey. And I know for myself it is a journey. It’s not a one and done. I will always battle those kinds of thought and somedays they are stronger than others, but every single time I challenge them I strengthen that muscle. Just like youre doing. I wish you weren’t having to hold this grief. Anytime you need caring mirrors that can help you see just how worthy you are, connect here.

Thank You for sharing this, and for Everyone that has contributed! It’s been very helpful to read and learn and take some of these techniques to try for myself! ^.^

@BabyPoppy Thank you for your kind words and for sharing such important and valuable information with our wonderful community. Please take care, and keep up the great work!

@RoseyLittle thank you. I do struggle with giving myself grace, compassion and love and it’s been a thing I’ve been working on with my therapist for years. It’s a really hard thing to do especially when you’re stuck in your negative headspace but your reply to my post does help. Honestly everyone who has commented on this post has helped me to kinda slowly come to grip with feeling like I’m not the issue. It’s a hard feeling and thought to let go of because of like you said, self blame is a form of control. I'm healing and feeling better then when i reached out. Its still hard and i have cried a few times because I've realized that under the self blame are the other question’s and thoughts . “Why wasn’t I enough?” “Why did the lie?” “I’m only worth being used.” And those ones sting because I know it’s coming from a place of insecurity, of abandonment and self esteem issues and I know from a logical point that the feelings I feel are valid to have but also not necessarily true. But feeling and knowing are different battles and I am trying hard to reframe and to be compassionate towards myself but it’s harder to do that. but I am trying. I really appreciate your reply to my post.

@MasterPhotog Thank you for this list of support strategies! I use most of them and can honestly say they work! My body is going through some long term functioning problems with my pituitary gland and I'm on conflicting mental health meds... my new best friend is the endocrinologist.... and regular check ins with a medical team are so important if you have ADHD. Always make sure your body doesn't have other problems before starting mental health medication. ADHD symptoms are also symptoms of a lot of other illnesses, too, and if you can manage them with these strategies, start there, and keep your team informed. Simple is better, but meds are a blessing if you do need them.

I want to quote several of the points mentioned but STOP😂😂 one at a time (takes a breath)lol 1. Thank you so much for writing this article MP ☺️ 2. Can confirm the STOP works...I also use it when dealing with having to respond to difficult conversations with upper management / talks with my parents 3. Im technically taking meds for Borderline Depression...because the doctor said it'll help with mood regulation (because when im off my meds the fun neeever stops and I never need sleep just occasional crash sessions because im considered 'high functioning'. It also helps with my anxiety because yeah in the past people were shitty and said i was 'too much' and people also got annoyed that wed be having a conversation and id be like oooh look at that cute butterfly lol 4. With a proper support system (good freaking friends), forced structure, ACCOUNTABILITY, and accountability frends, Acceptance and self love....which all takes time to build/create...things can be wonderful

My BP has actually been really good the last few years I don't even take a higher dose anymore. I have had to make a lot of modifications even with the medicine. Luckily the doctors are also the owners and have been really understanding and even helped me come up with strategies to not make a mistake when I get distracted. If someone comes up and distracts me first, have them wait until I finish that specimen and if I get distracted anyway start the case over. The coolest thing is they say things like we view mistakes as an opportunity to learn etc

I can only imagine how tough that is especially for your field being a pathologist. In my line of work I am just the one that draws your blood, gives vaccines, administer shots, swab you for flu covid strep, and help the doctor or providers with minor procedures. I can't count how many times that I have to ask people to repeat themselves on a daily basis. If I could take the medicine I would, ADHD medicine has came a long way and in fact has made great strides helping people. I'm glad that you are getting the right treatment you need to help you with both your blood pressure and your ADHD.

I struggle to even hear other people without the medication. It was rough to constantly ask people to repeat themselves or just pretend I heard it. I even had to tell one of the doctors that I was so sorry but I had a zoned out mid instructions 🤦

@MissAnna Thank you for your kind words. You're not only an absolutely loving and caring individual but also an inspiration to many here. Please take care and keep up the good work. As you often say, you're loved, you're enough, you're special, you don't need to please anyone but yourself, you're strong and matter, just as you're!

So for me the chemo wouldn't allow the ADHD medicine to work plus it could harm me and not help me. For me I'm super hyper and I talk and excessive amount, but my patients love how bubbly I am and how upbeat I am. Believe it or not I have repeat customers lol

My doctor said they needed to take me off at one point because my blood pressure was too high( it always has been regardless of age or activities I do) after I said like I can stop soda, lose weight etc etc she said it could kill you and we don't want to treat a symptom caused by an unnecessary medication. I told her I'd rather die than go back to being dysfunctional at my job and with people so they allowed me to stay on and put me on slightly higher BP meds.

Oh my goodness thank you so much, you would think since I work in the medical field I would have the resources at my fingers but I work in urgent Care and I don't have time to look that up lol Thank you so much @Daddy Bear 77 this means a lot to me so thank you