Overview

Being Annoyed: And yes! I don't like 'in a better place' either. It feels like such a hollow thing to say. What better place? Why is it better? How would they know? They don't know if a next life exists, or what it is like. They don't know your situation or all you did for him. The just unilaterally and arbitral declare whatever is next to be better. What is the point. It isn't helpful, it's kinda rude, and it carries almost no weight given the person saying it so obviously has no idea if what they are saying is even true. Perhaps they are simply trying to say there is no pain for them any more. But why not just say that! Maybe heaven does exist. Maybe your cat is in heaven now, with your dad, and they both have beards 😊 just like your dream 😊😊😊. Maybe the beards were a message about time and wisdom. I guess the worse thing about belief is when other people force their beliefs on you, and the best about belief is that you are free to choose what you believe. If I am going to believe in any heaven, then I choose to believe in the one where they can have beards and big smiles whenever they want.

@dollreverie... you are so much more than just "pleasant usually". You are a beautiful, deep, and caring person that gave every last bit of your heart to your beloved cat. You cared for him when so many other people would have given up. You fought for him and gave him so many more happy years of life with you. You were there for him at the very end, you made the ultimate sacrifice to end his pain and suffering and start your own. You did everything you possibly could. You did everything right. And yet it still breaks you to your core and shatters you into a million pieces. It will never be fair or right. That is the sacrifice of true love. It is a pain so deep I would not wish it on anyone, and yet it is only truly felt by the kindest and most special of people. I am so happy that your cat had such a loved and longer life, with such a caring and loving person, and I am so sorry that you have to feel this now. I don't know if there is a god or heaven, but I do know for certain, your cat has already been in the care of an angel. ❤️ You already know I am here for you. I am sorry for your loss.

@dollreverie I’m so, so sorry. Reading this, you can feel just how deep your love for your dad runs, and how much care you poured into every part of his life and his goodbye. There’s nothing messy about this kind of grief - it’s the sound of a heart that loved fully and is now shattered by the absence of someone irreplaceable. Twelve years of being each other’s constant leaves a space that feels impossible to comprehend when it’s suddenly empty. He wasn’t “just an animal.” He was your companion, your responsibility, your comfort, your heart outside your body. Of course this hurts the way it does. Of course it feels unreal. The bond you describe is profound, and the loss of it is profound too. The way you speak about caring for him - managing his illnesses for years, protecting him from suffering, holding him gently even after he was gone - is filled with tenderness and devotion. He knew love and safety because of you. That matters more than words can hold. Carrying grief for your dad and then losing your soul cat on top of that… it makes sense that it feels like too much. Grief doesn’t measure or compare losses; it just responds to love. And you loved deeply, in both cases. There’s no wrong or shameful way for this pain to show up. I’m holding so much compassion for you as you sit with these memories - even the ones that feel unbearable right now. What you shared is raw and heartbreaking, and it’s okay that you needed somewhere to lay it down for a moment. You’re not weak for hurting like this. You’re human, and you loved fiercely. Please take care💔

I'm right here with you if you need someone to talk to. I know how much you loved your kitty cat and I can't imagine the pain you're going through. It's heartbreaking and it absolutely just sucks. They aren't just an animal they become your kids they become your family they become your best friend. They love you unconditionally and when you lose them you feel like you lose a part of yourself. I might not be right beside you but I'm sending you the biggest most warmest hug. I'm right here if you need me

this is probably gonna be a messy vent because i’m all over the place. thankfully there isn’t any advice needed or anything, i just want to offload. 😞 i had to put my soul cat to sleep very recently. he was just so riddled with illness. illness that i was managing for more than two years, keeping him as comfortable as possible, taking care of him so attentively. but over the recent christmas period all his results were coming back horrible. then i had to make the decision to let him go so not to allow his suffering to get any worse. in the end, cancer and organ failure brought him to his time. he was the most precious, perfect, wonderful companion. the love of my life, my reason to live, my everything. my heart. and now we’re no longer together. i had him nearly 12 years. i cannot even find the words to express just how heartbroken i am. i have been enduring complex grief for a while even before this. my dad, who i also cared for, passed in 2023 and i just became so guilt ridden the year after and it took so much time and so much work to finally not constantly blame myself or constantly wish i was in his place instead. in some ways losing my cat is hurting me more than those immediate days and weeks after my dad’s death did because my cat was, after all, just an animal. an animal that entrusted his care to me. just so small. so small. he weighed only 2.6kg in the end. with my dad i was in anticipatory grief for a year so it was a relief when he went, bc i didn’t have to see him in pain anymore. with my cat, i just feel like i’m in complete and utter disbelief. everything seems so cruel and unfair. i don’t know how much more sadness i can actually take. i dug his grave and i used my bare hands to cover his body with the dirt because i didn’t want to throw it harshly on something so tiny. all i can think of nonstop is how his dead body felt in my arms as i carried him to lay him in his final resting place. and so to hear, “he’s in a better place now” from people around me makes me want to combust. yes, i know everyone means well. i KNOW and understand this. but i have to ask, is being dead and in the dirt truly a better place than warm and safe and fed and with me? am i that awful that being in a grave is better for him? can’t you just say you’re sorry for my loss. do you have to tell me he’s in a better place? and again yes i understand people mean that he’s in cat/pet heaven. but like… let’s be so fr right now. this isn’t 100% guaranteed. i’m sorry to be so blunt about it. i completely respect everyone’s beliefs, but with something like THIS i have to just be firm on one thing. the only thing that would be 100% guaranteed is his happiness and contentment while alive under my care. not that there is possibly maybe potentially a chance that he’s in a heaven now where i’m not. i did appreciate and accept the sentiment the first two times but this is like the fifth or sixth time now. people also said it when my dad died. it just makes me want to throw up everywhere and rip my hair out honestly. what about being buried is so much better than being with me? why is it better to rot away than to be loved by me? what is it about me? i can’t help but take it personal after all this loss and hearing it every single time. by the way, i have enough discernment to know that this is all misplaced and misdirected anger because in grief, there is anger. yada yada yada. but well…. this is my vent lol. i just had to get it out of my system. aaaaand exhale. TLDR: if people have to say anything at all, why can’t they just say they’re sorry for my loss and leave it at that. why tell me the ones i loved so dearly and cared for so desperately are in a better place now? it’s not comforting at all. ok i just took a breather and read this all back. lollll. i promise i’m pretty pleasant usually. i’m just going through it. wehhh. anyway anyway anyway… if you somehow stumble upon this for any reason, i hope you have a nice day/night. bai bai

I am feeling better thank you for your kind words and your poem is absolutely beautiful. And I agree we tend to curl into ourselves not allowing ourselves to be seen afraid others might see the cracks in our already crumbling house. ChatGPT is a beautiful tool and I'm glad it helped you, sometimes we have to take it one day at a time

Thank you @MasterPhotogfor creating a safe space for people like me to allow our voices to be heard

I'm sorry you were feeling that way. What you were going through reminds me of one of my favorite poems that has often hit hard for me. Not Waving but Drownin By Stevie Smith Nobody heard him, the dead man, But still he lay moaning: I was much further out than you thought And not waving but drowning. Poor chap, he always loved larking And now he’s dead It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way, They said. Oh, no no no, it was too cold always (Still the dead one lay moaning) I was much too far out all my life And not waving but drowning. If any of you need someone to listen don't hesitate to message and if you find yourself feeling hopeless in the middle of the night call the crisis center. It's not just when you are afraid of hurting yourself but for when you are simply hurting and need someone. Also I downloaded chatGpT one night while deep in crisis after my first little and I broke up. I didn't want to be awake and I couldn't go to sleep and it talked me down, helped me ground and was a very hopeful spark in an incredibly dark night. I hope you are feeling better and doing well ❤️.

@MissAnna Thank you for trusting us with something this tender. What you shared takes so much courage, especially after carrying it quietly for so long. I’m really sorry you went through that depth of sadness and the physical toll on top of it, no one deserves to feel that alone. Your words are such an important reminder that strength doesn’t always look like smiling or pushing through, and that even the most giving hearts can be hurting deeply. I hope you know how much your honesty matters and how many people it will help feel less unseen. I’m really glad to hear you’re feeling lighter now, even if it’s just little by little. You matter so much, and you deserve the same care and compassion you so freely give to others. Thank you for this reminder to check in, to listen, and to love more intentionally. Please continue to be strong and know that you too are special, matter and loved 💛

Thank you for being so kind to me and thank you for your kind offer

Thank you for your kindness

When chemo had you broken, sick and dizzy. When darker times and depression took hold. When you were brought down to your very lowest... one of your first thoughts was still for other people and if they might need help... 😭like it or not, you are a truly special person. ❤️ ... and yes you are right. Those who have felt or still feel deep pain, are often the quickest to offer support, because they are the ones who know how much a kind word or gesture can mean in a moment of darkness. If you ever want to vent to a random 3rd party about how much of a struggle life can be, and how much energy it seems to want to take from you, I am here for you and I think so are a great many people on this forum.

You are a very strong person. I have known other people who have had chemo. It's never easy. Thank you for being a person who cheers others on and thank you for the reminder to reach out to others who may secretly be having a bad time. You never know when someone needs a little extra light in their life.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really sad. The kind of sad that drains motivation until even getting out of bed feels impossible. I tried to stay positive, to be uplifting, to push through it quietly. Then I got really sick, most likely from chemo, it hit me hard, so hard I was crawling just to get into bed. Thankfully my stomach has settled, my body no longer aches or feels like it’s vibrating, and little by little, the sadness has started to loosen its grip. I’m writing this because no one really knew how sad I was. I didn’t let anyone see it, I let the depression consume me until I didn’t even know where to begin anymore. I could barely keep a smile on my face, and I had no energy left for anything. It made me start thinking about others. How many of the people who are always cheering others on have laid in bed wondering how they were going to get up because of depression? How many of the “strong” or “happy” ones are quietly carrying more than anyone realizes? That thought broke my heart. There were moments when I wrote small pieces about my sadness, but I never went deep. I never wanted others to see my true broken pieces my true sadness, how heartbroken and emotionally exhausted I was and how I couldn’t see past my own hands. Looking back, that’s when I should have reached out. I should have let others in and allowed them to help ease the weight I was carrying. I’m not sharing this for pity, and I’m not asking for concern or attention. I feel much better now than I did then. I’m sharing this as a reminder. Please check on the ones who are always smiling. Let them know you care. Let them know you’re there to listen if they need a friend. Because sometimes the people who spend their lives making others feel happy are the ones who need it the most. Until next time, remember this: you matter, You are loved. And you are worthy of being loved. -Miss Anna-

I'm so sorry @LilSnuggleBug but so happy at the same time. Talking to him was the right thing to do. Just know that life will be different now. Not bad, but different. And that is ok. You will find your happiness. It is just out there waiting for you. Best wishes.

Thank you Daddy Bear 77 and Sammyd1956 for the lovely and helpful advice. It really helps to have other perspectives. Yesterday, I took the day for a girl's day with my best friend, opened up my heart to her and had a good cry. This morning, him and I finally laid everything out on the table without arguments. We've decided to separate and remain friends. I have known him for almost half of my life, so our relationship is extremely close, unfortunately, just not working out in a romantic way. I feel grateful that we are aligned in so many other aspects of life, but there are essential things that he wants and I am unable to provide just as there are dynamics my heart desires.

I have no experience to base this on but from the human standpoint you have to have the converstation. It sounds like he wants to make you happy but at the same time he has fears with his family. Afraid of what they would think. Take a weekend getaway. Just the two of you where you can spend time in deep discussion. Lay out how you feel. What is missing from you. Ask him how he feels and if anything is missing for him in the relationship. But by all means please have the conversation.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you both the best. Maybe my experience can help. My ex-wife and I had a similar problem. She wasn't a little and I hadn't found DDLG at the time but I felt like I longed for something shaped like that. I struggled with her lack of interest in touch, affection and inability hold conversation but it never got better. She initially balked at couples therapy because of the cost but I said divorce is more expensive. Therapy didn't fix our relationship but it helped clarify what could change. We eventually became like good friends/ roommates but being together was lonelier than being alone. It took me many years to remember what deep romantic love felt like and we separated amicably. Endings hurt but they can also be happy. We co-parent well and have a good friendship. We both met great people and learned what we need to be happy in a relationship and what we can't live without. I'm not saying leave him but you need to have a conversation with him and yourself about what you need and what you won't live without. If you two can repair wonderful but don't stay where you can't be happy. Dont leave without a conversation and chance at repair if they're willing to do the work but don't stay hoping they will change.

Hello everyone! I am new to this club. I had an account some time ago on here, but decided to deactivate it for personal reasons. However, these past few weeks have been extremely difficult, and I feel lost where I can go to get all of this out. My husband and I have known each other for about 10 years, married for 9. It has been a constant battle of getting him to provide what I am looking for in a kinky sense. We married so young, I was 16 and he was 20. I already had knowledge of DDlg due to some experiences in high school. I always made it clear that I wanted a DDlg dynamic as a part of our relationship. He made rules for me, checked them daily on a daily basis, gave me little time, and for the most part was consistent while we were in a LDR. When I moved to Brazil to be with him, it all stopped. No more rules, no more little time, no kinky time, and the list goes on. At first, he said it was because we were living with him mom and he felt uncomfortable. Even so, I had hope that one day, it would work out. For years, he made excuse after excuse: too tired, too busy, too everything. Now I'm to the point that I have absolutely no hope left inside of me. I have been crying off and on for two weeks. He has been my best friend for so long and in every other aspect, for the most part, we get along well. I feel like now I will have to choose between staying together and not having what my heart longs for or breaking it off.

I’m so glad it could help 💕

Tank you for posting this! 💓💓

@JunleMaster Thank you for sharing this. When someone has ghosted me, here’s what helps me find closure: I gently acknowledge the reality of what happened Being ghosted hurts, and I allow myself to admit that. I try to name the situation honestly, without blaming myself or making excuses for them. Accepting the reality — even when it’s painful — becomes a powerful first step toward healing and moving forward. I give myself the closure I deserve I remind myself that I don’t need their response to find peace. Writing out what I wish I could say helps me release the emotions I’ve been carrying — the confusion, the disappointment, the unmet hopes. This is my way of honoring my feelings and allowing myself to close the chapter with compassion. I turn the experience into self-affirmation I recognize that ghosting says far more about their ability to communicate than it does about my worth. I use the experience to reconnect with what I value in relationships — respect, clarity, and emotional presence. It strengthens my resolve to choose connections that truly meet me where I am. I remind myself that I’m allowed to move on without all the answers. Closure isn’t something someone else gives me — it’s something I build for myself, one kind and courageous step at a time. Please remember, people don’t ghost to protect you; they ghost because they can’t face their own discomfort. Ghosting is avoidance disguised as sensitivity. If they truly cared, they would have communicated—even awkwardly. So don’t overthink their silence. It doesn’t mean you weren’t enough; it means they weren’t capable.

I’ve had people disappear on me too, and sometimes I wish I’d had a bit more context before getting invested. A Social Media Background Check can help spot mismatched vibes early on, like seeing someone’s interests or patterns before things get weird. It won’t stop ghosting, but it can save you from walking straight into another dead end. Sometimes a little upfront clarity makes the whole thing sting less.

This has really helped me today

There’s nothing extra I can add to the chorus of beautiful voices here. I just want to echo that you are not alone in this and that it’s courageous you reached out and continue to reach out, for what you need. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting us in to a piece of you. It’s a worthy ride! Like many here, I’ve also struggled with night terrors most of my life. They were far more frequent and intense when first in my healing process, now they are more an infrequent house guest that likes to show up from time to time. As so many have said, a lot of what helped me was grounding, shifting the experience in my body. Lights on, moving or hugging myself, changing to an activity like show or reading. All the stuff named above. Sometimes rinse lather and repeat. And a lot of the time it meant not getting back to sleep. So naps in the day or more rest and self care is often needed. I also found it helpful, and for some of my trauma clients too, to set up a night time routine that is protective. It could mean making the bedroom as much as a safe and sacred space as possible. Having instant cues for safety I can reach out to nearby. Relaxing the body before sleep. Even little rituals that help the smallest parts of us go to bed, like putting our own child ego states to sleep. The thing I found the most helpful was practicing sleep meditations before I fell asleep. But honestly, in all of that night terrors still come. We can do everything we can to prevent, and everything we can to soothe after they come. And it can all not work. And it doesn’t mean we are failing at it, or needy or struggling to get it. It’s the bodies natural response to trauma. It’s a somatic symptom that is part of processing. It’s normal, we may have them the rest of our lives. You aren’t crazy, whatever happened to you that created these was the crazy thing. And it’s awful. You are allowed to grieve it. Something that is meant to be safe, something as simple as sleep, that’s others do easily, was stolen from us. That is allowed to create struggle for you. One thing that can happen is a lot of us can begin to avoid sleep. And the anxiety of what will come in our sleep can make us so anxious we don’t want to, and also keep the trigger so fresh we do get them. I know for me there were periods of my healing I was so avoidant of sleep I wouldn’t for days, rather to be tired than have the graphic memories. In those times, I’ve needed to go on sleep medication to help get sleep with breaks from dreaming. So as much as possible we want to slowly learn that even if they come we are okay. So please as much as you want, keep reaching out here. We are with you. ♥️