Overview

I've gone no contact. It's not easy, but I'm much safer without them.

I hated cutting my family out of my life but it was the best thing for me and my kids. You can and should forgive them for yourself but you don't have to let anyone victimize you or trample your boundaries regardless your shared genes or no.

It's okay to be scared, I can't imagine what you are going through. You aren't alone and we are here for you if you ever need to talk.

Okay, now for an actual song in my playlist

@MissAnna Return to innocence is such a great one! @Anya Lovelace Thank you so much for sharing, that’s a new one for my playlist! Do the rubber duck is the best! Okay, sometimes I just need a really good laugh. And all the great Sesame Street suggestions made me remember this one. No actual bad words used! Just hilarious beep put to comedic gold use. *snickers*

Sorry if this all over the place So I made the decision to do more intense trauma therapy and start therapy for my miscarriages I’m finally opening about all the abuse I dealt with and some I didn’t realize was abused but with me finally being open about it I realize I needed to change some of the stuff I do it has cause issues with my parents cause I no longer allow my tiny humans to do certain stuff and it gets thrown in my face will we let you do this and I so badly wanna scream back yes they did and I was in situations I had no business being in at a young age I have also realized for my mental sake and my tiny humans I need to limit contact with my parents I’m scared not gonna lie

Sounds to me like someone is working a solid program;)

It takes such courage to speak about something so hard, it only shows your strengths and bravery. Your story is so touching and I'm so sorry that happened to you. I am so sorry you went through any of that, I can only imagine the pain and burden you carry around on your shoulders. It's so hard to move past S.A. and it's so hard to see the good in others when you have been taken advantage of your whole life. We are so glad you are here, you aren't alone anymore, we are here for you, we see you and we value you. Remember one day at a time, if you can't go one day take it one hour, or one minute or even one second. It takes time, and in time you will find out how strong you were all along. Remember we are here for you and we are in your corner Until next time remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved

Thank you for sharing that so openly. It takes a lot of courage to talk about everything you’ve been through, especially the pain, confusion, and the process of rebuilding. It sounds like you’ve carried a lot and are still choosing to heal, which says so much about your strength. I don’t think there’s a set timeline for grief or recovery, the waves just soften over time as you keep choosing yourself and new experiences. You deserve real peace and connection after all of that. “I love you, I hope you Heal” 💝

@RoseyLittle Happy Thanksgiving to you too! 🧡 Thank you so much for your kind words and for being such a meaningful part of this space. Your presence, warmth, and energy truly help make it the beautiful, supportive community that it is. Sending giant hugs and deep gratitude right back your way. Here's to continuing to grow, uplift, and inspire everyone, today and always. ♥️

It’s so hard to self soothe sometimes!!! I really understand the struggle. I just wanted to normalize that it’s hard…and it’s not just because we might have anxiety, or anxious attachment, or even trauma. But it’s also because our bodies are DESIGNED for co-regulation. I sometimes feel we have like a cult of independence in the modern world. Like we really push this idea that we can do it on our own, and we have to learn to stand on our own two feet…and don’t get me wrong, I think that is beautiful. And I believe in having a big bag of tricks for self soothing. But… also we were born connected to another human. And the very first soothing we experience is done by others (often touch, sustenance and voice). And if we are lucky enough to have safe childhoods (which many of us are not) we maybe are taught self soothing and regulation along the way of growing up. But even with all that, we will soothe faster with others. Therapists actually learn this somatic trick, when someone is upset in front of them, we consciously slow down our breathing. And we lower our voice slightly. Because unconsciously your body will begin to match ours and calm. That’s how designed our nervous systems are to calm with others. We call it going low and slow. Side note my Daddy is always like “don’t use your therapist voice with me” when we fight and I start going low and slow. *giggles* So I just wanted to put it out there that of course what you really want is to reach out and connect and feel that calming with your person! And be like WOW! You already are doing such great work because you recognize what’s happening for you, you can see it and name it. Tricky thing is that doesn’t just make it go away! Also, object permanence is something we learn as kids, well babies really. Peekaboo is all about object permanence. It’s learning that something exists even when we can’t see it. Peekaboo is magic before this because the baby legit thinks you just disappear under the blanket and reappear and it’s astounding to them. Well, object permanence is part of attachment too! The understanding and trust that your person is still your person even when they “disappear”…maybe because they actually are away, or busy…maybe because they are having an off week and are there but not acting like themselves. Well guess who struggles with this element of attachment the most? People who have lived trauma. For so many of us it still feels like we are playing peekaboo and our nervous systems freak out or “spiral” when are person disappears. Cause everything is screaming at us that they have actually disappeared and our nervous system is prepping for abandonment. It’s completely normal and makes sense. And what we want to do is tug on the rope and make sure they are still holding the other side. I’ve learned a few tricks over the years that work for me or folks I work with. When it comes to our close attachment peeps. Have a back up of them in some way. For me I have a voice recording of my daddy that I can listen to anytime. Some clients I work with have “wallet cards” with a written statement from their person. Others use photos, tattoos, a stuffie from them, a shirt of their to put on. Anything you can connect to that helps you remember they are in your world. Have really open communication with your other about what time away is like and creatively come up with solutions that feel okay for both of you. Connect to other folks for self soothing. Yes that can be a therapist but can also be a friend, this forum, anywhere that reminds you, you’re not alone and you are cared about. Cause you are! ♥️ And yes, work those self soothing skills! For myself, I notice that top down approaches (like going through the mind to calm the body) doesn’t work as well. It doesn’t matter how many times I name the anxiety and gently challenge the cognitions, if I don’t soothe my nervous system, nothing shifts. I find this to be mostly true for trauma clients I work with too. So I prefer bottom up approaches…and not just cause it sounds more kinky *giggles* (going through the body to calm the mind). I find it helpful to do grounding techniques, really letting the nervous system calm. Then it doing some gentle soothing that is compassionate. Then I make sure that from my grounded adult self, I connect to my own child part to let them know they will never be abandoned because I have them. I’m taking care of them too. THEN I can challenge the cognitions and have it stick better. If for any reason, I can’t ground or clients can’t ground. Can’t go through the above steps. Then I distract. Just get through the moment sometimes one breath at a time. Do things to “urge surf” basically. Recognize the feeling won’t last forever and just do what’s needed to get through one moment to the next. Things that keep our mind busy work best. For some it’s a movie, a book, a task. I hope any of this helps in the tiniest of bits. You are absolutely not alone, and yearning for connection doesn’t make you anything other than human.

Happy Thanksgiving! And giant hugs and gratitude to this beautiful space and the amazing humans who fill it. ♥️

Hello everybody thank you so much for the nice person that invited me to this corner. Innocence I’m 2 1/2 years sober. I met a woman on fat life that was in the midst of a relapse she had had 9+ years at the time she was a sub. I’m a switch. I think I’m still figuring it out. This is not the first woman that I’ve met off of that life that has really messed with me. I’ve always struggled with depression mental illness longing for a relationship. I never had one. I was a virgin until I was 27 had a super dysfunctional first relationship. I was basically raped for about a year. But this woman came to my life around this time of year. The colors were changing and it’s just reminding me of all this stuff. I facilitated her going to rehab. I didn’t pay for it or anything, but I helped her when she decided to go when she got out we were together for a while and then she started going to therapy and doing ketamine again. I’m basically told me that we had never had a relationship thought it was just friends with benefits.That’s what hurt me the most. She told me that she had decided to become a seller that which I respect that and she just laughed. She’s also autistic, but I guess my question is is like.I was talking to her in July. She became so that May 30 and she was accusing me that it was all my fault because it was my job as a Dom to outline the scene. She was way more experienced in this than I was. I like to think that she loved me. I think she thinks she loved me, but she certainly never treated me like she loved me. I mean, sometimes she was the sweetest kindest person in the world and I just miss having someone care about me I don’t know how long these feelings are just gonna keep lasting. When I try to talk about it and other places, I just get caught in in Cell and I’m like maybe I could’ve been one when I was younger, but I was a fat kid. Nobody wanted to have sex with me. It was before body positivity. I just don’t understand this crazy world. I wish I knew how long these feelings will last if ever fade. I just want some timelines how long will this stuff keep popping back up? I’m trying to put myself back out there. Meet new people.But I just don’t understand I post my generator a certain extent stop doing things that I liked because she didn’t or I thought they might upset her like Hunting. I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t an abusive relationship. I just it’s just hard and thank you for having a place for me too be on people. If anybody needs any help with the alcoholism, can certainly point you to the right direction on how to get help and share with you what’s worked for me? What has it? I hope everybody has a wonderful week.

I am in therapy, but my appointment isnt for another week and its 9:56pm so I can't really contact my therapist, sadly its something i have been working on in therapy- which is why im able to recognize where the feeling is coming from right now- it's just the only thing i have in my corner for soothing isnt working, and trying to find other ways to try and self sooth- also I dont mind talking.

Therapy is a big help keeping in your mind that silences at least reasonable ones have normal explanations to them. Does a pretty good job at helping me deal with anxious attachment as well. If you are looking for someone to talk with I'm looking for someone to talk with too.

Youre so welcome have a beautiful Thanksgiving 🦃

Thank you @MissAnna

I struggle with anxious attachment style and do my very best not to be too clingy- or panic and spiral- and I try really hard to self-soothe myself by telling myself "Hey this is you overthinking, it's ok." But I am struggling. For context, I have a dom daddy who is really busy all the time, and he will call me when he can, and it's a new dynamic too- it's maybe about a month old now. We got to see each other in person once for about 2 hours and- I know he has a lot on his plate, and he warned me yesterday that he's going to be talking a lot less because he has some stuff going on that's stressing him out and needs his attention and that he'd try to remember to tell me good morning and goodnight.. This morning he didn't, and he hasn't sent me a goodnight message yet, and I don't think I am getting one at all - which I get- can't always get it, or he might have forgotten/isn't thinking about it, or needing his space. And I know the way I'm feeling is because I'm spiraling and kind of overthinking because my insecurities are kind of rearing their head around abandonment or perception of abandonment, but also drawing comparisons to pieces of past trauma I have had, and I'm just trying to find a way to sooth myself and get through it.. because talking commonsense into myself and knowing the reason isnt helping.. so I was wondering if anyone had advice.

Happy Thanksgiving my Canadian community on here

As we gather to celebrate the blessings in our lives, may we also carry forward the spirit of kindness, love, and understanding, not just today, but every day. Let us continue to be compassionate and non-judgmental, offering grace not only to those closest to us, but also to strangers, to those facing hard times, and to the animals who rely on our care. True gratitude is reflected in how we treat others, with open hearts and open hands. Wishing you a Thanksgiving filled with warmth, connection, and gentle kindness. 🧡

Thank you for sharing such a deeply vulnerable and healing moment. I sometimes think the hard work of healing is holding dualities. Two truths at once. You did that so courageously. What happened is both deeply unfair and we can grieve AND hold space for what are we going to do now. I deeply resonated with what you wrote. Survivors (especially from anything in childhood) have a really tough job. They often have to heal from incredibly painful things, while having to muddle through adult life, and relearn things they never had the safety or space to learn that others did in childhood. All at the same darn time! When just staying alive is often a fight. No matter what kind of trauma interrupts your life, survivors often feel like we started the race way behind the start line in comparison to others. Or that we got interrupted and put on the sidelines for a while. Or that our car will always run a little slow. *laughs* And it can even mean we hit stages later than those around us. We totally get to feel how unfair it is. And grieve it all. But darn tooting we can also tackle it and live our best life whatever that looks like! For me, in my hardest moments, I would connect to the deep truth that I wasn’t back there anymore. That no hard day, no hard moment or obstacle was ever as bad as what I already survived years of. The pain of my childhood (with healing work) is part of what allows me to feel joy and gratitude in every single day. I hear that in what you wrote. Just the joy and hope that you are still alive and here and loving yourself ♥️

This is so beautiful thank you 🥰

@Poutyprincess Thank you for posting this priceless piece, I love it! Keep up the good work!

Thank you for the reminder MasterPhotog 💗 I hope it is in the spirit of this group for me to share some self-care ideas?