Overview

@redruffle41 in gooddc today u drinkvc but I ran out but I still sad and I not wanna be sadccdatse it no feel good but I feel happy too but not when I remember,,..

Yes! I thought I was the only one! For me, I have found the only way to break that funk is to make sure that I am distracted. The past couple of years I have saved up through the year so that I can travel on my birthday. Being a tourist really makes it easier to not focus on the birthday blues for me. And as for the energy to clean, the only advice I have there is kind of the same. I put on my headphones and the most upbeat music I can find and then I'm not focused on the task but it just happens to be what my hands are doing while I dance and sing to the music. I hope this helps and Happy Early Birthday 💜

@LilSnuggleBug how's the separation going? Relationship transitions can be difficult. Opening this up for an update!

Hey @Snowyy. How are you feein today?

@NickyMoon It starts with one good person. Unfortunately if is a very reasonable and understandable response for anyone who has been through trauma. If you have been badly hurt by people in the past, why would your trauma ever want you to let someone close when you are feeling so weak and vulnerable. You trauma puts up walls as a defence, to limit the maximum possible damage, but it comes at the terrible cost of having to go through all your problems alone when you really don't need to. I think you need to reprogram your brain by showing it that some people can be trusted and can help. When you are feeling better, find someone who you know is reliable, kind, and trustworthy. This could be a friend, family member, or loved one. You can even tell them in advance what you are going through and that you might call on them from time to time. Start trusting them and talking to them about small things, not major emergencies - you wont want to do that yet. By talking to them about small things you are teaching your brain that its ok to seek help, and that this person can be trusted. Hopefully by the time a 'big thing' comes along you will already have established a bond and you will feel more ready to talk, because it is not just a huge bombshell out of nowhere, but just something slightly worse than things you've already successfully dealt with together. Starting with small things may seem silly, but remember its not really for 'you' it's for your brain. Give it the positive memories it needs to help fix and heal the broken trust from the past. I hope this helps. No one should go through all their pain and suffering alone. 🫂

Heyo! So, happy birthday 😊 even though you're a bit down right now. It sounds like there's some pressure around your birthday that's making it hard to act natural. I think low mood before birthday is really common. At the same time, the experience can vary among individuals. The way I deal with low mood surrounding holidays or celebrating is to let myself be down. I don't try to push or alter my mood or emotions..... If I have tasks that need to get done I use a reward system for myself. (ie, clean the kitchen then I get to play Nintendo or cell phone or rest til I have to go to work etc). I also use imagery to imagine the event going really well. It sounds like you could use some positive socializing and whatever else is going to get you through...... I also think its worth taking the time to use this as a way to get to know what coping mechanisms work for you and why. It could be that some rest or a bit of laziness is an ok thing, or not. It just depends on what works for you and only you have that information 😊

Hello everyone! I'd like to bring up the topic of the time leading up to a birthday. I'm really curious if there's anyone here who completely loses their mood a week or two before their birthday? I've been feeling down and lacking energy for over a week now because my birthday is on February 3rd. This happens every single year. But on my actual birthday, my mood comes back. If there's anyone here in the same situation, maybe you have advice on how to deal with this? Because I need the energy to clean my home, but I just can't find it.😞 Socializing gives me a bit of a mood boost, so I'm always happy to meet new people. Usually, when I'm talking with others, I feel needed, and that makes me feel better.🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Thank you both so very much. Especially offering to talk to me if i need it. That honestly means more to me than you both know.

Hello!! I want to start by saying it makes complete sense that you want to move forward without having to live again every detail. Pushing yourself to "talk it out" before you’re ready can feel like being retraumatized again and again, and you don’t have to do that to find your peace. That on edge feeling you said, is your nervous system trying to protect you, it’s that your body is still operating in survival mode. I can tell you what worked for me, and what my ex therapist tolf me when i was 12, when memories or disgust hit, they aren't just thoughts, they are physical sensations, instead of trying to think your way out, try to calm the body: If you're feeling overwhelmed, splash ice cold water on your face or hold an ice cube, this resets the nervous system instantly. This worked for me and take it with care, this mnay be work for me but not for you, if the memories force themselves on you, try a to visualize it or do it physically: have a safe jar, when a memory or feeling starts to overwhelm you, put that specific "image" or "feeling" into the container and lock that. The disgust you do feel is an extreme common reaction to bad experiences, but it belongs to the event, not to you. You are the person who survived it, not the gross thing that happened. YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE VALID AND WHAT YOU FEEL IS VALID, i'm sending you hugs and lot of positive vibes, if you need to talk about it or even if you need someone, reach me. Sending you best wishes and hugs❤️❤️.

Healing is not a straight line, it doesn’t come with a deadline or a finish flag. It takes time, it takes facing nightmares that don’t always make sense. It takes therapy, and often more therapy than you ever thought you’d need. And that doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means the wound was deep. One thing that helped me was journaling. When thoughts loop endlessly in my mind, writing them down gives them somewhere to go. It’s called docking. Taking the pain out of your head and placing it on paper so it doesn’t keep racing, so it doesn’t keep owning every quiet moment. You won’t forget what happened. That isn’t failure. Healing isn’t about erasing the past, it’s about time. Time to breathe without bracing. Time to look in the mirror and slowly stop seeing only the broken child who spent years just trying to survive. The way I coped was therapy. I know how hard it is to take that step. I know how vulnerable it feels. But it helped me understand something vital, what happened to me was not my fault. And what happened to you is not you fault either. Surviving does not define us as damaged. It defines us as resilient. Please remember this: You are not alone. You are not broken beyond repair. And you are worthy of being loved My door is always open if you need a friend

@Snowyy I’m really sorry you’re carrying this. What you’re describing makes so much sense, especially after going through something that hurt you deeply. Nothing about the way you’re reacting means you’re broken or “odd”, it means your mind and body learned how to survive when things weren’t safe. That on-edge feeling and those coping habits are signs of strength, even if they feel exhausting now. Healing doesn’t mean pretending it never happened, and it doesn’t require you to relive or explain it in detail if you’re not ready. It’s okay to move forward slowly. The pain coming back doesn’t mean you’ve failed or gone backwards, it just means your system is still trying to protect you. There are ways to cope without talking much about the past. Some people find grounding things helpful when memories hit, focusing on your breathing, noticing what you can see or feel around you, or doing something physical like walking or stretching to remind your body that you’re safe now. Writing things out privately, creating routines that help you feel steady, or having one small thing that brings comfort can also help take the edge off. None of this fixes everything overnight, and that’s okay. Please be gentle with yourself. What happened was not your fault, and feeling disgust or pain about it doesn’t define who you are. You’re already doing something brave by wanting to heal. You don’t have to do this perfectly, and you don’t have to do it alone, support can look many different ways, at your pace, on your terms. I’m really glad you reached out. You deserve peace, and even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, it is possible to move forward while still honoring what you’ve been through.

So I don’t want to get into much detail as I have a hard time sharing my past but how do I stop feeling it? Like the pain every time I think it’s gone Im forced remember what happened and I don’t want top, it hurts soo bad and it makes me odd like everything I do in life is different to everyone else as it’s like a coping mechanism to keep me safe like I’m on edge and I try not to let it affect me but some of it was too bad and it disgusts me in a way as it happened but how do I fix it?? I don’t mean completely disappear like it never happened but how do I deal with it. Is there anyway to move forward without having to talk much about it like anything I can do to cope??

@LittleAmbi Thank you for sharing this. I’m really glad you wrote, even if you’re not sure why you did. Feeling that lonely can be incredibly heavy, and it makes a lot of sense that being home so much has stirred things back up again. I want you to know your feelings are valid, and for sure you’re not weak or failing for feeling this way. It actually says a lot about you that you’re still trying: working out, doing chores, looking for ways to care for yourself even when it’s hard. That takes real strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s helping right now. Loneliness is a tough one, it’s not something you can “productivity” your way out of, and that’s not your fault. (And for what it’s worth, you spelled loneliness just fine. I’m really sorry you’re carrying so much, especially with everything going on in the world. When dark thoughts start to feel overwhelming, reaching out like this is a meaningful step. You’re not invisible here, and you’re not alone in this moment, even if it feels that way inside. I’m here to listen, truly. If you want to talk more about what’s been weighing on you, you don’t have to hold it all by yourself. 💛Feel free to follow and reach out to me anytime, even if you want to just say hello!

I know what it feels like to not have many friends in real life. That quiet loneliness can ache in places you didn’t know existed. I have people online who care, who show up, who understand me in ways that matter, but in the physical world it feels so sparse right now, and that hurts in its own quiet way. The world itself feels overwhelming. You turn on the TV or scroll your phone and there is no shelter from it. The fear follows you from room to room, like a storm that doesn’t know how to pass. It’s exhausting, and it’s heartbreaking. I wish I had a magic wand. I wish I could smooth the sharp edges and make everything feel safe again. I can’t do that. But what I can do, what we can do, is be here. We are here to listen. We are here to sit beside you, even in the silence. You don’t have to explain yourself or be strong for us. The world may feel frightening right now, but you are not facing it alone. We will walk through this together, one breath, one moment, one small act of kindness at a time. My door is always open if you need someone to talk to

i dont have many friends irl. Well i guess i dont really have any. Im home all the time again and thats how my depression came back just as bad as before. i workout now and have a list of chores to try to improve my mood and keep me occupied. But nothing helps the lonliness. I think i spelled that wrong. then everything going on in the world. I dunno the point in this post. I just feel alone and i figured i should write here as the dark thoughts are getting over consuming. i just feel so alone. Thanks for listening.

I just love this post about Puppy so much. Even though we have talked about Puppy, and I knew he was very special, it is still so beautiful to read about the type of cat he was and what he meant to you. ❤️ Puppy sounds so more aware and empathic than any normal cat, and probably more than any normal person. I know Puppy required extra care, and you truly were the best friend and cat mum he could possibly ask for. I know it is still so raw, and as much as it burns I hope you are even more proud. You deserve to feel proud. I don't know everything, perhaps not much at all, but for whatever it is worth I am proud of you for everything you did for Puppy. I'm sure your dad, like any father, would be so proud of you to. ❤️ I love the stories about Puppy bringing home hungry, lonely or injured cats. It says so much about Puppy, and also so much about what he thought of you. He knew by the way you has cared for him, that you would care for these other cats too. You and Puppy made an incredible team, and probably learned so much about life and love together. That is something that you will always have with you no matter what. Yes you are physically separated, but knowing Puppy is a gift that has changed you for the better forever. His love, attention, care and compassion will be carried with you in your heart always. It is so telling that Puppy liked you to watch him eat. In the wild when you head is down eating, you can't be as aware of threats. Puppy liked to have you watch him eat because he trusted you to look out for him and you made him feel safe. Please don't feel like there is any rush to get through these feelings. You are very welcome to vent or ramble here any time you want or to me directly. You know you would absolutely say the same thing, and be there for someone else if things were the other way round. It is completely normal to fell like your on a roller-coaster right now (and as we know, roller-coasters are the worst! 😆)... but you know I would climb on that roller-coaster with you if I could, just to hold your hand.

hi everyone, i just wanted to say thank you for taking time out of your days to offer me such comforting and thoughtful words. it means so much to me. i’ve had some time to arrange my emotions since this post and i do realise the sentiment offered to me the most out of everything else does come from a place of sincerity and care. it was just too raw at the time and the bitter reality of being physically separated from my cat by the veil between life and death was just such a shock to my system. it doesn’t mean that that has to be the only reality though. of course i’d love for my cat to be running around in heaven right now - in full health, without illness! and i’m pretty sure my bond with my beloved cat (who is called puppy, lol) transcends the universe itself. i’m intent on being reunited with him one way or another. i’m just honestly a complete nutjob when death happens because i have so many intrusive thoughts that take over, i won’t get into all that because it’s seriously unhinged - but i’m a little better for now. one day at a time and all that! i guess the reason it hurts so much is because he truly was so special. he was so caring. this is a cat that would find all sorts of strays and bring them to our garden because he knew i’d feed them. so many strays either ended up living in our garden or frequenting it because they had safety and food. and if he found injured strays on his adventures outside, he would come to pester me nonstop until i’d follow him back out. he never ever meowed. he just grumbled lmao. so i knew whenever he whined and pawed at my legs, something was up. he’d take me to them and walk around in circles while i’d either help or arrange for help if it was an emergency — the first cat we rescued together was a pregnant stray with a cancerous tumour on her ear. i see that day so vividly in my mind. one time he dragged a small cat to my doorstep that had its hind legs ran over and hopped into the car with me when we took her for emergency treatment at the vets. when he bonded with a much older stray that never felt safe around people enough to come inside my house, he ended up moving out into the garden for the whole winter just so that the elder cat wouldn’t be alone. eventually that cat spent time in my house but stayed near the back door for a quick exit. i had to put two beds there but they ended up sharing one, hahaha. my puppy was just so so sweet and so loving. i felt so lucky that he chose me back. he was never a lap cat though! i think in all our years together, he slept in my lap a total of seven times. but i knew he loved me. our love language was nose boops, his feeding time (he loved to have me watch him eat lol) and him sleeping between my legs for hours and hours. so many days we lazed away together, my hand idly scraping through his fur for hours, or his small head resting in my palm until my arm went dead. he would stare at me until he fell asleep. sometimes he’d wake up just to stare at me all over again lmao. when i was much younger i wanted to make an attempt on my life after the first failed. he came into my room at the very last moment and immediately knocked his head into my body over and over and crawled all over my legs and gave me a thousand kisses then stayed by my side a whole week… which was huge, because his outside time was VERY important to him. it’s like he knew exactly what i was thinking/feeling and wouldn’t leave me alone as a result. what kind of love is that? is that a love that can be captured in any words at all? even if i were to write about him for the rest of my life, still it wouldn’t even slightly encapsulate just how precious he was. i have to learn to live without him and live with just the memory of him now. my heart shatters at every turn when i think about how his paws are no longer following behind me. that we once lived so inseparably is the part that crushes me the most. well, i’ve probably rambled enough for one night. i will still stand by the idea that the best place for him is with me. but i can find hope somewhere in my heart that we’ll be together again, in some way. thank you all once more — so much. goodnight. 🌸

I am so sorry for your loss of both your father and your soul cat, and the deep grief you are having to hold as they mirror each other in ways. Reading your words, what was so beautifully clear was how deeply you love, how deeply you give of yourself and how cared for those in your world are. The kind of losses you are navigating are profound and world shaking, and of course you are heartbroken. In many ways animals provide a bond like no other, an unconditional love, an innocence and even a dependence on us that is just so powerful. As you wrote he was your companion, your love, your reason, your everything. ♥️ And you had to make the hardest choice anyone will ever make with someone they love. You had to choose to say goodbye to him knowing that it would split you wide open, crack you and leave you forever changed. There is nothing right or just about the fact that you had to make that choice. You are allowed to rail at the universe with fury as you grieve. Unfortunately death often invokes existential dread in the other. It is a reminder all things die. Including us. There are many who are uncomfortable with this and that transference means they will say things to you, that is actually to make them feel better. I don’t say this as a criticism of that, so few of us are taught how to sit in deep pain and grief and not try to “fix” it for the other. And so many of us do it out of a place of caring intent. And even more just don’t have words. And really, there are no words for loss as deep as this. But you absolutely are allowed as the person who is grieving to tell people exactly what is okay and not okay to say to you. What is helpful and what isn’t. You’re also allowed to be angry and messy and hurting. So I hope you keep bringing it here. And being gentle with yourself in it. Because you have people here who wouldn’t dream of trying to make it better, and who will just sit in the horrible with you, right beside you, and just be as you feel. ♥️

im sorry for losses sweetie. having lost my mom quite a few years ago and being a pet mama myself I get it. Big hugs! 🫂

Being Annoyed: And yes! I don't like 'in a better place' either. It feels like such a hollow thing to say. What better place? Why is it better? How would they know? They don't know if a next life exists, or what it is like. They don't know your situation or all you did for him. The just unilaterally and arbitral declare whatever is next to be better. What is the point. It isn't helpful, it's kinda rude, and it carries almost no weight given the person saying it so obviously has no idea if what they are saying is even true. Perhaps they are simply trying to say there is no pain for them any more. But why not just say that! Maybe heaven does exist. Maybe your cat is in heaven now, with your dad, and they both have beards 😊 just like your dream 😊😊😊. Maybe the beards were a message about time and wisdom. I guess the worse thing about belief is when other people force their beliefs on you, and the best about belief is that you are free to choose what you believe. If I am going to believe in any heaven, then I choose to believe in the one where they can have beards and big smiles whenever they want.

@dollreverie... you are so much more than just "pleasant usually". You are a beautiful, deep, and caring person that gave every last bit of your heart to your beloved cat. You cared for him when so many other people would have given up. You fought for him and gave him so many more happy years of life with you. You were there for him at the very end, you made the ultimate sacrifice to end his pain and suffering and start your own. You did everything you possibly could. You did everything right. And yet it still breaks you to your core and shatters you into a million pieces. It will never be fair or right. That is the sacrifice of true love. It is a pain so deep I would not wish it on anyone, and yet it is only truly felt by the kindest and most special of people. I am so happy that your cat had such a loved and longer life, with such a caring and loving person, and I am so sorry that you have to feel this now. I don't know if there is a god or heaven, but I do know for certain, your cat has already been in the care of an angel. ❤️ You already know I am here for you. I am sorry for your loss.

@dollreverie I’m so, so sorry. Reading this, you can feel just how deep your love for your dad runs, and how much care you poured into every part of his life and his goodbye. There’s nothing messy about this kind of grief - it’s the sound of a heart that loved fully and is now shattered by the absence of someone irreplaceable. Twelve years of being each other’s constant leaves a space that feels impossible to comprehend when it’s suddenly empty. He wasn’t “just an animal.” He was your companion, your responsibility, your comfort, your heart outside your body. Of course this hurts the way it does. Of course it feels unreal. The bond you describe is profound, and the loss of it is profound too. The way you speak about caring for him - managing his illnesses for years, protecting him from suffering, holding him gently even after he was gone - is filled with tenderness and devotion. He knew love and safety because of you. That matters more than words can hold. Carrying grief for your dad and then losing your soul cat on top of that… it makes sense that it feels like too much. Grief doesn’t measure or compare losses; it just responds to love. And you loved deeply, in both cases. There’s no wrong or shameful way for this pain to show up. I’m holding so much compassion for you as you sit with these memories - even the ones that feel unbearable right now. What you shared is raw and heartbreaking, and it’s okay that you needed somewhere to lay it down for a moment. You’re not weak for hurting like this. You’re human, and you loved fiercely. Please take care💔

I'm right here with you if you need someone to talk to. I know how much you loved your kitty cat and I can't imagine the pain you're going through. It's heartbreaking and it absolutely just sucks. They aren't just an animal they become your kids they become your family they become your best friend. They love you unconditionally and when you lose them you feel like you lose a part of yourself. I might not be right beside you but I'm sending you the biggest most warmest hug. I'm right here if you need me

this is probably gonna be a messy vent because i’m all over the place. thankfully there isn’t any advice needed or anything, i just want to offload. 😞 i had to put my soul cat to sleep very recently. he was just so riddled with illness. illness that i was managing for more than two years, keeping him as comfortable as possible, taking care of him so attentively. but over the recent christmas period all his results were coming back horrible. then i had to make the decision to let him go so not to allow his suffering to get any worse. in the end, cancer and organ failure brought him to his time. he was the most precious, perfect, wonderful companion. the love of my life, my reason to live, my everything. my heart. and now we’re no longer together. i had him nearly 12 years. i cannot even find the words to express just how heartbroken i am. i have been enduring complex grief for a while even before this. my dad, who i also cared for, passed in 2023 and i just became so guilt ridden the year after and it took so much time and so much work to finally not constantly blame myself or constantly wish i was in his place instead. in some ways losing my cat is hurting me more than those immediate days and weeks after my dad’s death did because my cat was, after all, just an animal. an animal that entrusted his care to me. just so small. so small. he weighed only 2.6kg in the end. with my dad i was in anticipatory grief for a year so it was a relief when he went, bc i didn’t have to see him in pain anymore. with my cat, i just feel like i’m in complete and utter disbelief. everything seems so cruel and unfair. i don’t know how much more sadness i can actually take. i dug his grave and i used my bare hands to cover his body with the dirt because i didn’t want to throw it harshly on something so tiny. all i can think of nonstop is how his dead body felt in my arms as i carried him to lay him in his final resting place. and so to hear, “he’s in a better place now” from people around me makes me want to combust. yes, i know everyone means well. i KNOW and understand this. but i have to ask, is being dead and in the dirt truly a better place than warm and safe and fed and with me? am i that awful that being in a grave is better for him? can’t you just say you’re sorry for my loss. do you have to tell me he’s in a better place? and again yes i understand people mean that he’s in cat/pet heaven. but like… let’s be so fr right now. this isn’t 100% guaranteed. i’m sorry to be so blunt about it. i completely respect everyone’s beliefs, but with something like THIS i have to just be firm on one thing. the only thing that would be 100% guaranteed is his happiness and contentment while alive under my care. not that there is possibly maybe potentially a chance that he’s in a heaven now where i’m not. i did appreciate and accept the sentiment the first two times but this is like the fifth or sixth time now. people also said it when my dad died. it just makes me want to throw up everywhere and rip my hair out honestly. what about being buried is so much better than being with me? why is it better to rot away than to be loved by me? what is it about me? i can’t help but take it personal after all this loss and hearing it every single time. by the way, i have enough discernment to know that this is all misplaced and misdirected anger because in grief, there is anger. yada yada yada. but well…. this is my vent lol. i just had to get it out of my system. aaaaand exhale. TLDR: if people have to say anything at all, why can’t they just say they’re sorry for my loss and leave it at that. why tell me the ones i loved so dearly and cared for so desperately are in a better place now? it’s not comforting at all. ok i just took a breather and read this all back. lollll. i promise i’m pretty pleasant usually. i’m just going through it. wehhh. anyway anyway anyway… if you somehow stumble upon this for any reason, i hope you have a nice day/night. bai bai

I am feeling better thank you for your kind words and your poem is absolutely beautiful. And I agree we tend to curl into ourselves not allowing ourselves to be seen afraid others might see the cracks in our already crumbling house. ChatGPT is a beautiful tool and I'm glad it helped you, sometimes we have to take it one day at a time