Overview

My Daddy and I are very active Christians in our church and community in fact my husband is the youth pastor at our church. We have been married 15 years, we are deep into this dynamic and both of us have had previous marriages. I left mine at the age 21 with 2 small babies... He was abusive and into child porn (I turned him in and he was in prison and everything).... My husband's ex wife left when he was stationed in Korea for another women, he had no say... God gives 2 reasons for divorce, unequally yoked, and infidelity...I have to believe and refuse to believe otherwise that I have always been a Christian and my ex was not... We were unequally yoked and I tried counseling and therapy to make him stop hurting me, doing drugs, and other things (including cheating) but he refused... Once I found child porn on his computer it was my children's safety and I had to leave...I say all that to say you can get married again! I encourage it... Finding a Godly husband who loves me and accepts all of me is like nothing I've ever experienced before... Submitting to your husband is the biggest blessing I have ever had We started off in a dominant submissive dynamic because it made sense with things that the Bible said and we were already pretty much doing it.... But we actually laid out a contract and everything and when he collared me The vowels we wrote to each other and our ceremony were 10 times more deep and personal than when we got married. My Daddy loves my little self and encourages my too be a little as I need to be with him always... He reads my Bible stories whole I curl up with him, he stays up late with me with I'm feeling insecure to hold me and speak God's affirmation and love over me. He had stopped his work day and left half day to help me when I feel overwhelmed at home. (I homeschool our 2 kids and have our grandson who is 2 often)... God has blessed our marriage so much! There is someone for you out there and God's timing is perfect!

Hiya! This was almost a year ago now at this point. But thanks so much for the sentiment. I am happy to say I am pretty much back to normal-ish. I still have some bad pain days, but honestly I’m grateful to be alive. 🥹

When something like this happens, I find holding my Jerusalem Rosary Beads from jerusalemfaith.com helps me focus my prayers. Just quietly moving from bead to bead makes the prayer feel steady, almost like a shield. I used them during a hard time for someone close to me, and it brought a sense of peace.

Some days hit harder than others. Sometimes just taking a break, lighting up a bong for smoking, and sitting quietly for a bit helps me breathe easier and feel a little lighter. Even small moments like that can make the heaviness a bit more bearable.

Thanks Bean!

I think it is enough obviously I can’t speak for God but I do feel it is enough to love him and you neighbor and if you have a child like heart that I take is I a very good think Jesus said to be like a child I take that to mean pure of heart but who really know everything what with the Bible translations and such there are some differences in how everyone interprets it . But if you love God and fear him that’s most important I feel

Hi my friends, I am really wrestling lately with scripture, church doctrine, and how ddlg/abdl all fit. I know these a huge topics and not easily boiled down to one post, message or even subject matter. It's deeply personal and unique to how each of us views God, Jesus, salvation, church doctrine, and who we are. So I wanna start with some fundamentals of what I believe, so you understand. If you disagree with me on these, I am happy to discuss with you and understand your viewpoint. 1. God is the Father, the Creator of all. He existed before all. 2. God is a Triune God - He exists as 3 separate parts, God the Father, God the Son - Jesus, and God the Holy Spirit. (For a visual model, think about ice cubes in a cup of water on a hot day. Ice -frozen God the Father, liquid water - God the Son - Jesus, the condensation on the outside of the cup signifying the evaporation of the water - God the Holy Spirt.) 3. Jesus is the Son of God. - Jesus was both fully human - born from Mary, and fully God - Spirit of God in him. He was here on Earth and did not sin, but died for the the sins of all. 4. Salvation is for all, through grace by the forgiveness of sins. First, recognize your own sinful nature, then admit your need for a Savior, ask for forgiveness, and accept the grave that is freely given. Nothing is too big to be forgiven. 5. I do attend a Christian Missionary Alliance Church. Our church doctrine is simple... read scripture, follow it, teach it to those around you and practice discipleship. Praise Jesus with all you have and show others how much they are loved. So lays my foundation! Obviously the laws and rules within the Bible are meant to be followed, but when Jesus comes in the New Testament, Matthew 22:35-40 "One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." So, obviously (and after decades of study and research) I have come to understand that while, yes I need to follow all the rules of scripture, the purpose behind the rules and laws is most important! And that purpose is so that I can love God with all that I am, heart, soul and mind, and to love my neighbor as God loves me. So far are you following my logic? I hope so, I never did so well in logic in Trig or Calc... What's been deepest on my heart as of late is the role men and women play in scripture. Now freeze for just a minute... I do live in America and I understand we do things backwards, sideways and upside down most of the time. I advocate for so many different people groups, it's not funny, because if my Jesus came back today, I firmly believe he would totally rage against many of our Pharisees running things. I hope you remember the words LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF coz that actually means love your neighbor as if they were living in your home and had your needs, treat them as such! We do not do this here. At least not in my closeknit Christian community of 7000 people and 16 churches.... I see so much abuse, neglect, manipulation, rejection, greed, isolation, pain, and suffering from people here. I can't imagine what happens in larger communities. So my heart says, why can't I be happy? I just wanna be little and safe and find a Daddy to love me and care for me. Hopefully he likes kids and can look past my life history... but then a sermon arises that says something about divorce and not marrying again.... and I know I'm accepted because my divorce was to protect my children, but it says not to marry again, so am I to remain alone? I understand why. It is to love my children and to help them grow into healthy adults without putting my needs above theirs. I don't take turns with my kids or deserve happiness now. I choose to be happy and wait patiently until the time is right so my children know the love of God, too. Only it's so difficult to be alone in a couples only community where people pair up as soon as they split up. Again, my choice is my own and I find contentment with my online friends. Then another sermon hits, about wives submitting to their husband and this is one of the deepest longings of my heart. To truly have a husband who sees me and guides me in our relationship, but also in church. Who I can bring honor to by my service in the community, but my husband locked me up and didn't want me to be seen, or to work, or leave the house. I was an embarrassment to him. So was it me? It has been 9 years, and no one really stuck, so maybe I am the problem. But stop! No! 2 Corinthians 5:17 "I am a new creation. The old has gone the new has come." Another sermon... Ephesians 4: 14 - 15 "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is Christ." So no more baby? Gotta be big girl? Especially as a single girl... ummm woman? 💔 The picture posted was a grown-up ABDL little boy with a Mommy giving him a bottle in a cradle and everyone was disgusted (their word, not mine)... I'm very glad I was at home today... I know who I am and I don't believe anything is wrong with me. But does who I am separate me from my Savior? My Jesus? I've always believed that my child-like faith and innocence, which comes from my little self, is a huge asset to my faith because it allows me to love others unconditionally, forgive easily, and accept people as they are (unless they really are evil). I believe in, hope for, and love people even when they can't do it for themselves because the greatest commandments are to love God with everything, the love everyone else. But if I can't be me? Who am I? My faith is mature. Is that enough?

Hello and Welcome!!!!! I am teaching VBS this week at my church!! I've got the preschool and younger kiddos in my classroom, so we diversify and have fun, but I helped plan all the way through age 12! I'm more than happy to share the activities and lessons daily, if anyone would like them! We are only doing days 2 - 4, with community and family service projects on day 5, but I have access to all 5 days! This includes: - Bible verse - large group lesson - small group lesson - crafts and worksheets - games - music and dancing - opening/closing - snack suggestions If anyone has ideas for decorations, please share and if you would like to do this a different week, please let me know! This is something that truly brings me joy and renews my spirit, so if this is something you need or just want to participate in, please reach out! I have taught Sunday School to nursery age - 5 year olds for many years and spent several years teaching older children in more structured Wednesday evening Bible classes, children's church programs, and praise and worship times. Also, I co-led young adult ministries locally for several years, both Bible Study and social activities. If these are things your heart is searching for, please know you are not alone. Child-like faith is Biblical. Everyone else is weird. 🤭 Let's see if we can support each other here, too! Poppy

I'm teaching the preschoolers at VBS in a week and I gotta plan it! Well... I have most of it planned, but I gotta read the lessons and get the copies made! I'm more excited about this than anything else I've taught all summer! Does anyone wanna see the crafts I'm doing?

As a pretty serious Christian, most of the time, I really wrestle with my choices and beliefs. I wonder if others do, too. One of my biggest struggles currently is how my adult choices led me to being a single mom twice, once from sexual assault and once from domestic violence resulting in divorce, and seeking primarily sexual relationships when my truest desire is for a long-term, safe, commited relationship focused on mutual love for God and each other. Sundays are wonderful! I have an opportunity to worship with other believers in church. We sing praises hear a scripture based message and have time for community building. However, I also see others who are couples, families, single young adults, or widows. Not middle aged single moms struggling to juggle too many commitments plus raising kids! I am alone at church. Not that anyone tries to exclude me, but it's how I am accepted differently, that excludes me. I join for the family activities, but don't have a husband to represent me on the elder/deacon board, so we get forgotten sometimes. I am encouraged to serve in women and children's ministries, but if I do, I miss the announcements about things happening at church coz there's no one there to hear them for me... my conversations are cut short coz I need to parent, while my friends have a spouse to do that for them. We do not get invited for meals coz who would the husband talk to... I don't fit with the singles either anymore coz I could be their parent, now too and I should be mentoring them, not hanging out with them. Or the widows coz I still have a child at home. There's a few single men in my age group and a single dad, but if I talk to them at all... I'm a temptress... best to just keep my distance... I leave church feeling empty and lonely instead of uplifted and whole like I used to. It drives me to more unhealthy coping behaviors, which in turn, drives my shame and guilty higher and separates me from my loving God, and the forgiveness I know to be true in Jesus. I stay up late on Sundays trying to reconcile this pain within myself. Who am I to be so lost, so broken, so deeply wounded, so full of hurt? The lack of sleep sets me up for failure for the week, making me grumpy and grouchy and a poor example of the beautiful love bestowed upon me from my Savior. Why can there not be a simple solution? Why can I not just forgive myself? Why do I hang on to this shame, this false guilt, this burden of past sins that are already forgiven? Who am I in this crazy messed up world? The truth? Truth is found in scripture: I am a daughter of the Most High King, Adopted with Christ. My sins are washed away, I am made pure in the eyes of God Almighty! My thoughts, feelings and actions are not true, they represent the lies I believe about myself, not the truth from God. Focus on The Word of Truth and I will be set free! It is so difficult to believe I am free. So hard to accept that I am worthy. I am loved. I am beautiful. I am free of my sins. I am forgiven. Just needed to rant... I apologize if it's too much. Poppy

I'm really sorry you're struggling with this! 💔 It's so tough when family gets distant, but I have really learned that family is about the people you love and who love you, so it can look really different all the time. If you need a friend who's like family, I'm here for you!

Thanks Pops That was a really thoughtful response. I appreciate it Em

This is a really tough place to be in, especially with family. So much of what you said is familiar to me, so I have a lot to say, but Bean really captured it well. I know it is a funny slogan now, but think about the Gospels... think about how Jesus lived. Who did he talk to, spend time with, visit? He was not with the religious zealots! He actually criticized them and told them they would not get into heaven! Jesus brought the message of grace, peace, forgiveness, and most of all love. Not the wishy-washy kinda love where I love everyone and they all love me... but the deep, lasting, sacrificial love one has to live life with someone else. To be present in good times and bad, to listen without speaking and let others work through their struggles at their own pace... remember we all have junk in our lives to work on... don't focus on the speck of dirt in your neighbor's eye, when you have a plank of wood in your own! As for your divorce... there are Biblical reasons for divorce. I left for abuse reason, that's Biblical... it's justifiable to the Christian extremists... however, what I believe in my heart is, God knows me, better than anyone else. He created me, He walks with me through my life, and He sent me a Savior, Jesus. Every SIN was forgiven before I committed them! ❤️🥰 I am pure, blameless in the sight of God, not because of who I am, or what I have done, but because of who God is and what Jesus has done for me. If that is something you believe too, then how can your divorce be held over your head? God forgave you for it! He said I love you dear child! I agree you are a good Mom and a that walking away from your family, even though it is difficult, may be a good thing for a bit. I am here if you need to chat. I am on a break from my family for similar reasons and I live in a fundamentalist county, so I understand this issue well. Focus on grace, love and mercy. Love you, my friend, Poppy

Well I don’t know maybe it’s time to stop going to family gatherings for a while . People who judge by the Bible typically only follow half the Bible and ignore many other part’s and many times cause more harm than what they believe. But I would stay away for a while

Hey all, I'm open to feedback on this one ... So my mother has been married to a Christian man for over 20 years. This man has been.......a very typically flawed human being but basically a good man. However, this man has also been very divisive in our family. He has told all of us we are going to hell. He recently told me I'm committing adultery bc I'm talking to men online but my divorce isn't final. He even went on to say that he didn't divorce his ex wife but that she divorced him.... As if to judge the very idea of divorce. He's Lutheran.... divorce isn't a sacrament in that faith. This guy 🙄. He is a fundamental Christian man who takes the Bible literally. He rolls in his politics and interpretation of the constitution into his religion as well. His attitude seems to be a bit holier than thou and ready to debate and argue at any turn....and it seems to be at the mercy of any relationship he would hope to have with his wife's adult children. The past 10 years of politics, masking, vaccines, aging, etc has basically turned our family into a silent tomb of unspoken disagreements. I'm getting tired of going to family gatherings and silently eating cheese together....there's nothing to do, say or connect about. I recently told my mother that I was concerned about my 9yo daughter being around her grandfather. I did this because of a conversation between him and I where he told me I was committing adultery. I had to defend myself against this man. And I had called him to say thank you for being a step father. Honestly, what a jerk. I'm concerned about my kids relationship with God being affected by his judgemental attitude, and willingness to weaponize the Bible. I told my mother all this very calmly and with as gentle words as I could. I was as tactful as I could be. My mom wanted to take my daughter on an extended trip and I just couldn't feel comfortable with that. I view this man as unsafe emotionally, unsafe relationally. How can I have my daughter engaged in a relationship with someone who I can barely speak with? My mom said she was sad. She would hate for my daughter to not have a relationship with her grandparents. But....I'm so sick of getting hurt by harmful judgemental people. My own grandfather told me I was going to hell...I was 12. So, I don't want this same horrible exposure for my child. I'm really stuck on this one.....I feel pulled between the idea of disagreements as a normal healthy dynamic in a relationship vs toxic arguing vs conflict avoidance on my part due to past hurts. I think I'm doing what I need to do to protect my child.....I don't expect this to change either my mother or her husband.....they're set in their ways and have said they have no intention of changing .... Navigating this is hard.....it feels like a lose lose no matter what.

That’s what we are here for

Thanks @beanbean thanks for being here too. It was a reall tough week. I needed my friends.

That’s awesome I happy it worked iut just not how you thought it would !

Soooo guess what??? This amazingly awesome fantastic only from God thing happened! My current directors found out I was looking elsewhere and asked me on Monday. We had a very real conversation about my feelings, their feelings, the program currently and going into the future, my professional goals, personal goals and how I want to help the center yo grow. Like 45 minutes of serious, try not to cry coz I'm a strong powerful in control working woman talk... Then the big boss reached out wanting to talk and we talked for 30 minutes in a serious... admit I'm wrong, but confront the problem of my needs not being met professionally too, and don't back down in front of her either kinda talk...(powerful women kinda scare me)... she offered full time work at an increase pay for summer and full time teaching for fall... she even admitted to some miscommunication and her wanting me to stay. I'm going to help develop curriculum in the agency, not just my center, but definitely in my center too... It's a huge step for me! Plus I qualify for more grant money for my degree and loan forgiveness... it really is what I wanted, but didn't know how to ask for. Communication is so difficult with most of the world! I feel like I juggle so many parts of myself all the time... the teacher, the employee, the co-worker, the mentor, the parent, the friend, the Sunday School Teacher, the volunteer, the daughter, the ex-wife, the student, the responsible and respectful citizen.... but when do I just get to be me? Then I come home change into comfy clothes find my paci, my stuffies and check in here with my little friends. It's like I find my safety net... a place to rest... I gotta be something for someone else everywhere I go, but here I can be me. Here I don’t think about how I communication... I'm just honest and just me. It's so wonderful to relax and be me.

Well hopefully it works it out but if it doesn’t there still time to look for another. Can you go out and get this license on your own? Still praying for you for sure

No word on the interview yet... I'm feeling really apprehensive... I don't want to stay where I am next year, but no word yet, probably means no... however, I'm not licensed for this position, and one of my references did not send a letter... so rationally... I keep saying they need to speak with my last reference... they need to contact the Board of Education to see what I need for a conditional license and they need to know what trainings are available on what dates for me to start then figure out how to pay me to go to the additional training outside the typical contract... there's training coming soon...and typically contracts start in August...teachers only work during contracted days... so I'm still hoping for the best but preparing my heart for the worst... knowing that God's plan is perfect either way! Just really wish my daddy was around to tell me to self care! That's the toughest for me. When I'm worried, overwhelmed and preoccupied I struggle to do basic self care and my daddy is unavailable again... so I'm awake at 1:40 am fir a 2nd night in a row... 3rd time I missed bedtime this week...maybe 4th... I know prayer is the answer, but it's difficult to pray for my needs. Time to use the prayer journal tonight...

Praying for you!

Thank you bean

Will pray! Hopefully you feel better soon

I'm not feeling well at all. The doctor scared me and told me it could be Covid but since I'm just now showing symptoms it was too early to know. She also kept asking if I'd ever been hospitalized for my asthma. So, I'm freaked out. Just needing some calm and get well prayers.